Page 50 of Sinful Urges


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Trine

Ihave no idea what I’m getting into, but I understand that if I don’t go through with this, I’ll never have the answers I want.

There’s a gap in my memory, and the more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve realized that it isn’t normal.

None of my friends have gaps missing from years of their lives. I don’t expect perfect recollection, but there are parts of my own life I can’t contextualize, and that scares me.

It was okay before. Before they came back, before they asked me to meet up with them, before I realized they were serious about all this. It all felt like a dream. Something that happened but had no bearing in reality.

I can’t push it aside now. This is my life and someone I know is actively hurting. I don’t know if I can help—I seriously doubt it, and I’m not sure why they want me there in the first place.

At least I can confirm it’s real, though. I think that has to count for something.

I’m absorbedin my own thoughts when I feel someone brush a strand of hair behind my shoulder. I crane my neck back to see Rei towering behind me, a tight smile on his face. "Are you sure?" he asks.

I’m vaguely aware that Misha is stepping away from me, his brows knitted in concern.

I clear my throat, and Rei steps away from me too. Both of them leave me standing in the middle of the room, my arms crossed over my chest protectively.

"Are you able to meet with him tomorrow?" Luke asks, tilting his head up to look at me. His eyes look almost black even in the bright lights on the ceiling of the hotel room. "It might be better if we get this over with."

I nod. I don’t want to tell him that I want to rush this, too, but that’s mostly because I think I’m going to chicken out if I don’t get a jump on this. I chew in the inside of my mouth, my tongue coated with iron.

Luke stands up. "I’ll drive you home," he says. "Give you a little breathing room, huh?"

There’s a smile in his voice when he speaks. The other two don’t miss it; I can tell because they’re both looking away, their gazes darting away from me. My cheeks burn as I wonder how much these three men have spoken about me to each other; what, exactly, they’ve said.

There’s a part of me that really wants to know—a part of this whole thing that makes heat uncurl at the pit of my stomach, my breath shaking as I think about Misha standing in front of me and Rei standing behind me.

They were doing nothing but standing around me, so I think the priest is right. I need to get a grip.

I flash Luke a tight smile. "Thank you," I say softly. "That sounds great."

Misha tosses him the keys. Luke doesn’t flinch, doesn’t even look, he just extends his hand and the keychain lands perfectly in his hands. He smirks, standing up in one fluid motion, and then he’s ushering me out of the room.

I appreciate it. I have no idea how I’m supposed to say good-bye to Rei or Misha, for that matter. Luke waits for me to walk out the door, and once we’re in the hallway, he quietly laughs to himself.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

I know he’s much taller than me, so he could easily leave me behind. He doesn’t. He walks slowly, sometimes hanging back, his hands in his pockets. I call the elevator when we get to the end of the hallway, turning to look back at him, my eyes narrowing. He doesn’t repeat the question, but it hangs in the air between us.

We watch as the number on the display above the elevator changes. I sigh. "I don’t know," I reply finally. "This is a lot. I want to help Tom, but…"

"Misha’s right," Luke says. "You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do."

I lick my lips, which are dried and chapped. My tongue burns when I do. "I do want to do this. I don’t want Tom to have to deal with this if he doesn’t have to. He doesn’t deserve this."

His hand falls on my shoulder reassuringly, his fingers circling over my bare skin. "You don’t deserve this, either," he says. "Nobody does. And you’re not responsible for it. You’re not responsible for him."

"But if I don’t help him, who will?" I ask, my voice shaky. I only realize that it’s an accusation when the words tumble carelessly out of my mouth, and I clap my hands over my face.

Luke shakes his head. He doesn’t seem offended by it. "We’ll help him," he says. "We’re going to do everything we can to help."

"Including bringing me onboard, right?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.

The elevator opens. It’s empty, and Luke pushes his hand against the door so I can walk in before he does. He gestures with his head, so I walk in first, and the door closes in front of us, his body still turned toward me as the elevator takes us to the lobby.

"I can see that you want to help," he says softly. "And I think it’ll help you to find some answers; it seems like things have been very confusing since the exorcism happened."

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