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Tears fill my eyes when Ray gently rubs her forehead and coos, “Gigi.”
“Hello, nine one one, what’s your emergency?”
“H-hello.” I can hardly get words out of my parched throat. “My mom fell and now she’s not getting up. She’s breathing but she is not getting up.”
“Please don’t move your mother. Is she bleeding?”
I look around until I see a small gash on her head.
“Her head...” I force the words out. “Her head is bleeding.” Tears race down my cheeks “There’s blood in her hair.”
“Ma’am, stay there, help is on its way.”
I grabRay’s hand and lead him from the parking lot where I parked my van, to the hospital reception area. Mom was rushed to the emergency in an ambulance.
A nurse asks us to wait in the waiting room, but it isn’t long before I’m told that Mom is being taken for surgery. She broke her hip during the fall. In the examination, doctors also found that her heart, already weak from dilated cardiomyopathy, is much worse. Immense guilt grips me as I listen to the doctor.
Why didn’t I bring Mom to the hospital sooner? Why did I listen to her? Why was I so wrapped up in my own troubles that I missed taking care of her?
I call Dr. Mende, who’s a heart specialist and has been Mom’s doctor for several years.
“Dr. Mende, this is Hope Davis. I’m so sorry to call you this late.”
“Hello, Hope. No problem. All’s well?”
“Not really.” My chin trembles and tears threaten to come back as I rehash tonight’s events to him.
“Don’t worry. Dr. Gupta is one of the best surgeons. Your mother is in good hands. I’ll be there as soon as possible.”
I sit in the waiting room, clutching Ray close to my chest, hoping he will somehow ground me. But still, I can’t hold back my tears. Tears of fear about losing Mom. Tears of guilt for not caring for her enough.
Dr. Mende comes in with the surgeon wearing scrubs.
“How is she?” I get up before placing Ray’s sleeping body on the couch.
“Surgery was successful. Dr. Gupta and his team did a great job.” Dr. Mende pats my hand.
I have just released a deep breath when Dr. Gupta replies. “However, you need to be more careful with your mother now. She’s old and her recovery will be very slow. Given her heart, we cannot promise right now how well she’ll recover.”
I nod and the flame of hope that had just kindled in my chest dies down.
Dr. Gupta must have caught my trembling lips as he considers me with kind eyes. “We are taking good care of Bonnie, Ms. Davis. But she has to stay in the hospital for a few weeks. After that, she’ll need physical therapy. You can bring her in or have a physical therapist come to your home.” I have to force my mind to focus on the doctor’s words so I don’t start hyperventilating about what and how things will change for us.
After he leaves, Dr. Mende and I take a seat on the waiting room chairs while Ray thankfully remains asleep on the couch.
“Hope, Bonnie’s condition will not improve drastically. It will at best be stable. I’d really advise you to think about moving her to a care facility.” He must have read the shock on my face as he adds, “Before you say no to me, please listen.”
I nod to the older man, not sure what other option I have.
“I have known your family for a long time. I’m aware that you are a single mother with almost no support system.” I swallow around the huge lump of embarrassment as Dr. Mende continues, “Your son is growing and so are his needs.” His affectionate glance at Ray takes away some hurt his realistic words are causing me. “But Bonnie also needs constant attention every day. You will have to make tough choices and compromises.”
I’m about to tell him that I can manage. I will try my best to take care of my son and Mom, when he says, “I am also aware of your financial situation, Hope. The cost of surgery and aftercare is too much. You will have to think about some extra income. You won’t be able to give Bonnie the time and care she needs. Think practically and not with emotions, that’s all I’m saying.” With a gentle pat on my hand, he leaves me in the waiting room along with my thoughts about the new set of problems that have found a place on top of my existing problem pile.
I give myself a few more minutes before pressing my fingers under my eyes to get rid of the tears sticking to my face. After making sure that Ray is secure on the couch, I go to the reception lady. She explains the process of Mom’s future care. My mouth remains open for a second after she gives me an estimate of the expenses we must pay above Mom’s insurance.
My brain struggles to make sense of everything as I plod back into the waiting room and slump down on an empty chair. I can’t stop thinking about my almost empty bank account and how not so long ago I was sitting in a similar hospital waiting room heavily pregnant while Mom was getting her treatments. I grasp the cold metal arms of the chair and tell myself that it’ll be okay.
I have one more fund left untouched. It’s for Ray, where I put aside some money every month. If something happens to me, I don’t want him to lose his emotional and financial support on that same day like me. I look down at my son, sleeping peacefully. Dr. Mende’s words about compromises and tough choices hit me hard. But this isn’t one of those moments. I have to do this for Mom. I will find a way to save again for Ray.
