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Pulling up to my dad’s shop a few minutes later, any threat of a meltdown disappeared the moment she saw her Grandpa strolling out the door. He tugged her door open, looking all around the interior of the car. “Where’s my favorite granddaughter?” he asked. “Calla Lily, did you forget her at home?”
“Here, Grampa!” she squealed, kicking her little legs.
“Oh!” He smacked his forehead playfully. “How could I have missed the prettiest girl in the world?” His hands went to her car seat, unbuckling her and tugging her into his arms. “Have a good day at school, my Axel boy,” he added, turning that warm smile to his grandson.
I’d long since been convinced that there was nothing my dad couldn’t fix, so when he made Axel smile, it only confirmed my belief. The man was a miracle worker.
“I’ll try, Grandpa.”
“She has juice and snacks in her bag, and she brought her ponies today—” I started, wincing when he narrowed his eyes at me.
Dad shrugged me off, “Somehow, I kept you alive all your childhood. I think I’ve got it covered.” Axel laughed in the back seat, and I twisted my face up to glare at both of them. Moms just couldn’t help themselves.
“Try not to get into too much trouble today, my darling daughter.” My dad’s words only deepened my glare as I stuck my tongue out at him. He grabbed Ines’s bag from the floor of the back seat, and then I steeled my spine as I backed out of my parking space to bring Axel to school.
I swear you get in one public argument with the President of the PTA, and people never let you live it down.
Psh.
Thankfully, Axel’s school and the yoga studio were close to Dad’s shop, so we only drove in silence for a few minutes before I parked in the studio lot and hopped out. Axel climbed out of the back, hoisting his bookbag up into place. It was too heavy for his age, but my boy wouldn’t have it any other way. He let me hold his hand as we walked down the sidewalk and crossed the street. Every morning I thanked my lucky stars that I’d gotten a job at the studio right next to his school, because between dropping off Ines and then dropping off Axel, the idea of having to load myself into the car to go to some other part of town to work for a few hours exhausted me.
The wrought-iron fencing and the gate of the school came into view, and I tried not to flinch at the sight of all the moms dropping their kids off and looking immaculate in their trendy clothes.
Drop off was always painful. I was always the mom who rolled up in elastic-waist pants in a school that rolled its eyes every time I set foot inside it.
The fact was, Axel was smart. Too smart for public school, apparently.
He had a head for numbers, understanding them in a way that I had no clue where it came from. His school picked him out of the class in his first week of preschool, saying he was an exceptionally gifted boy.
He'd been reading when his classmates were learning the alphabet. He could count to one hundred when they were counting to ten. So, Chad and I had pulled the money out of nowhere, paying the tuition for the fancy private school that hosted gifted children. They strongly emphasized the importance of having a parental figure at home to encourage learning and help with the pile of homework they sent home every night. Most days, I wondered if I should just let Axel be more of a kid, but I couldn’t deny the joy he felt when he solved the latest problems they presented him with.
So I tolerated the perfect moms with the flawless blowouts and the stylish outfits and snide looks. So what if I pulled my platinum hair into a messy bun on my head? So what if my black yoga pants clung to my thighs in a way that the elite found inappropriate?
I did what I had to do to get by in the shit situation life threw at me.
"You'll pick me up early?" he asked as we stepped up to the gates, and the sadness in his voice made me glance down at him. He was normally so excited for school, darting off so quickly I sometimes had to fight to get a hug goodbye.
I sighed, nodding as I hugged him tight. "Yeah, Axe. I'll pick you up early. Just a few hours, and we'll go see your Dad. Okay?"
"Okay, Mommy."
"I love you." I didn't bother to tell him to have a good day. I wasn't that naïve.
"I love you too," he whispered, before darting inside the gates of the school. Two of his friends met up with him, flanking him in that way that only your closest friends could manage. His best friend, James, glanced back at me, giving me a wave as if to say he had it covered.
/> I nodded back at him, pressing a hand to my face before I stepped away and out of sight. James had been there for Axel through the funeral. He'd been there through all of it. He'd see my boy through the day.
I just had to get through mine.
Determined to do just that, I turned my back on the school and made my way back down the road to the crosswalk. On any normal day, having only ten minutes before my first class started would have stressed me out. But I couldn’t wait to clear my head and lose myself in yoga. So, with that in mind, I hurried across the street—waving to the car that let me cross.
A familiar face waited for me on the other side, greeting me with a smile like every other day. “Good morning, beautiful,” he murmured when my foot touched the sidewalk.
I resisted the urge to huff a laugh. “Good morning, Casey.” Sometimes, I wondered if he even knew my name, or if he just ignored it. Though our interactions were very brief, he always inserted a compliment in his greeting.
He bit his bottom lip shyly, his fair skin looking like such a harsh contrast next to the black fabric of his suit. It didn’t fit him, but there was no chance I would invite him to continue a conversation with me by making observations about his appearance. “Are you busy tonight?”
Even if I’d suspected the words might come, I hadn’t ever wanted them. While Casey was an amiable man, I just wasn’t interested. If I ever dated again, it would be for the sake of the kids, but even then, I wanted a man who could consume me. A man who could be consumed by me and make me feel like I was the center of his universe.
