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“After I got home the other day, Stella and Calli looked after me. Drew me a bath and tried to make me feel better, tried to help me forget just how much it hurt watching you walk away from me.”
“Em, I’m—”
“No,” she says quickly, cutting me off. “I’m not saying this to make you feel bad. I know why you did it. It was the same reason I’ve done it to you.”
“I was scared you wouldn’t want me,” I explain anyway, knowing there’s no way she could have felt the same the times she turned her back on me. “I was scared of letting you see everything I really wanted and you throwing it back in my face. I was a coward. And I should have been there for you. I should have been the one to take you home, and I should have sat in that bubble bath and helped to erase the memories with you.”
Her entire expression softens at the picture I paint for her, and her hold on me tightens.
“Make up for it now then,” she suggests, glancing over at the bath once more.
“I can’t think of anything I’d rather do,” I say honestly, releasing her and holding her hand as she steps into the giant tub.
I climb in straight after her and sink down in the burning hot water, my skin stinging until I’m almost fully submerged.
Emmie remains standing, looking down at me with something akin to awe on her face.
“I tried imagining what you might look like surrounded by fluffy bubbles. Turns out I’ve got a shitty imagination, because I didn’t come up with anything as incredible as this.”
“I aim to please, Hellcat.” Reaching out a hand, I twist my fingers with hers and tug her down, settling her in front of me and wrapping both my arms and legs around her.
“I’m sorry I’ve not taken care of you like I should have,” I apologise quietly.
“Theo, no. I—”
Pressing my fingers to her lips, I cut her off, needing to get some of this off my chest.
“Deep down, I knew you weren’t involved with all that shit with Stella. That you had to know what was going on just because you were a Ramsey and hung out at the club was bullshit. Just like I knew that you never stole from my dad, from me.
“I was furious when he passed me that marriage certificate and contract signed by both him and your mother.
“I’d spent weeks, months trying to convince myself that I didn’t feel anything for you other than hate.” A laugh spills from my mouth as I think about the little firecracker I met at the beginning of the school year who broke all my rules, and she frowns.
“All my life I’ve been in training to be the perfect soldier, the perfect heir to this Family. Despite the fact that my dad loves my mum more than his own life, he believes that loving someone, giving a piece of your heart to them makes you weak. It’s a distraction, a reason for someone to hurt you.
“I’ve been brought up being told that meaningless hookups to get what you need and then moving on is the way it should be done. Then when the time comes to make some more little heirs, I should pick a certain kind of woman. Someone who—”
“Does as they’re told and makes the perfect housewife,” she finishes for me.
“Yeah, something like that,” I mutter. “My life has been set in stone from the moment I was born. And I was okay with that. I thought it was what I wanted.
“I mean, it is what I want. I’m a Cirillo, I’m pretty sure it’s ingrained in me to want it.”
“But…” Emmie prompts, trying to get me to the point.
“But it’s not all I want,” I breathe. “I don’t want to be a cold, loveless monster whose relationship is only fulfilling some fucked-up requirement for me to have kids. I want a life, one I get to choose for myself. I want to spend it with someone I care about, someone who makes me laugh, someone who challenges me, who calls me out on my bullshit and laughs at my need to control every aspect of my life.” Her hands glide over my cheek, anchoring us together. “I want you.”
All the air rushes from her lungs, the minty flavour from the toothpaste washing over my face.
“If you’ll have me,” I add when she doesn’t say anything for long, painful seconds.
“Did you mean what you said last night, or was it just some heat of the moment reaction?”
“What do you think?” I ask, my eyes bouncing between hers as she tries to figure all this out.
“That’s the problem. It’s kinda hard to know with you.”
Taking her hand that’s still resting on my cheek, I slide it down until it’s hovering over my heart.
