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Mom opened her arms to me though, and biting my lip, I walked straight into her embrace.
She hugged me tight, far tighter than I’d ever imagined, which made me realize she’d missed me, and I burrowed into her right back.
“Been too long, Aela,” she chided, squeezing me with each word.
“Yeah, it has, Mom. I’m back now though.”
She grew tense at that, then edged away from me to look at me. I was taller than her now—when had that happened? We shared the same features, delicate but somehow bold with our strong eyebrows and high cheekbones, our eyes were faintly inset, but they were richly hued, as was our hair, although hers was more streaked than when I’d been a kid which told me it was salon dyed. I could easily remember her doing her own hair and always messing up.
My lips twitched at the memory.
“Your son’s here?” She peered around me into the hall, then jerked in surprise to see George. While he was young, he wasn’tthatyoung.
“That’s my new guard,” I explained. “Seamus isn’t here. I didn’t bring him this time. I didn’t expect to visit, to be honest. We were driving past and I just thought I’d come see you.”
She squeezed my hands, but her gaze remained on George. “You have a guard.”
“I do.”
Mary glanced up at me. “He’s claimed you?”
I dipped my chin. “He’s in the process of it.”
Her eyes cleared for a second. “The shooting. Of course. Bad business. Bad business. Your father almost got his last week. The Italians are crazy, running around like something from an action movie. Uncaring if innocent people get hit.” She grunted. “Animals.”
We weren’t exactly well behaved, well-modulated examples of humanity.
“I can’t stay, Mom,” I told her. “I just wanted to come see you.”
“You can’t stay for coffee?” she asked, and her disappointment was actually a salve.
“No. Not today. But another time, I’d really like that.”
She smiled at me, the smile reflected in her eyes as she reached up and touched my chin, letting her fingers slip over my cheek as if she was ‘seeing’ me with her hands. “Come whenever, and bring Seamus. I want to get to know him.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her she could have known him for years, but there was no point in being bitter about this. No point at all.
I nodded. “Will do. Dad still spending his nights at the Tavern?”
“Yes.” There was no disapproval in either of our voices. “If you come before eight in the evening, and after ten in the morning, you’ll be able to avoid him.”
“Good to know.” I leaned down and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too,” she replied, and I realized she sounded surprised, but I got it. Not that she missed me, but that she felt anything at all.
She’d been in a doped-up haze for decades, and my father didn’t really give enough of a damn about her to try to help her. I’d always felt bad for leaving her with him, but when it had come time for me to admit I was pregnant and that I needed help, she’d just aided me in getting out of the country. Had never offered to come visit, had never helped with her parents who’d always disapproved, but believed too much in family bonds to ever throw me out onto the streets.
Bitterness welled in me, but I tossed it out like I was throwing out so much at the moment. I could hold onto it, keep it close to my chest, or I could move on.
I was deciding to be an adult.
If Declan didn’t hold a grudge against me, then I decided that I could woman up too and be a bigger person.
“I’ll see you soon,” I told her, reaching for her hand and squeezing again, before I pulled back and retreated to the elevator.
I hadn’t expected to see her today, hadn’t thought to visit since I’d made it back to the city which I knew was pretty horrible of me, but as I stared out of the elevator, her gaze was glued to mine until the doors closed.
There was regret in hers, a regret that I knew came from everything she’d missed out on, and the sight of it made me feel better. Made me feel like there was something to work with rather than just batting my head against a brick wall.
