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Thirty-One
Aoife
Life hada funny way of showing you your priorities.
When I woke up the first time, I wanted Finn. And Jen. But mostly Finn. I wanted him at my side. I wanted him there, bolstering me, having my back, and going through this with me.
We were a team, after all.
A team.
I figured that out fast when they tried to get him to leave the room, and the second he saw my tears, he growled, “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stand over there in the corner, but I’m not leaving her.”
God, I needed to hear those words. I needed to hear them so badly.
His declaration made the tears dry up, and while the doctors were justifiably annoyed, it made it easier on me to have my eyes on him as they gave me a checkup.
It was insane but I missed Lena and my mom equally during those moments. I’d come to rely on Lena, but there was and always would be a gaping hole where she used to fit.
As for my mom, the grief doubled down, twisting me up inside until I sobbed myself to sleep.
Drifting in and out of consciousness, I was surprised when I woke up again and found Jake sleeping on Finn’s chest. He looked uncomfortable as hell, and Finn didn’t look that much better. His mouth was tight, his expression grim as he stared down at his feet.
The last few days had worn on him, but they had on me too.
My voice was croaky as I pleaded, “I need you to promise that you’ll put me first, Finn. Before them.”
His eyes were bleak as he stated, “You don’t have to ask. I already promise you that.”
The immediacy of his answer should have soothed me, but it didn't.
I knew what it must have felt like to be slashed with a double-edged sword because as freely as he gave that promise, there were repercussions that neither of us were ready to handle.
His family was no longer justhis. They were mine too.
My life revolved around them.
Sundays were spent at the compound in upstate, the frequency in which I was meeting up with my sisters-in-law for afternoon tea had gone from once every couple of weeks to every Saturday now.
I talked about books with Inessa on the phone, and Aela was our go-to babysitter and my unofficial recipe sampler. I’d asked both Inessa and Camille for help with designing the nursery, for God’s sake.
Cutting them out of my life wasn’t going to happen.
But those women were tied to the men in Finn’s.
And they were all tied to his parents.
I’d lived without mine for so long, and no one knew better than me how fragile life was. One second someone was there, the next they were gone.
Neither Lena nor Aidan were getting younger. How much longer would he have them around?
I hated him for giving me his family as much as, last week, I loved him for it.
“What are you thinking, Aoife?” he rumbled. “I don’t like what I’m seeing in your eyes.”
“What are you seeing?”
“Too much despair.”
