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I pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I can work from home.”
“There’ll be some days where you can’t. Like today.” She huddled into me. “I-I need things to change, Finn.”
“Like what?” I asked quietly. “I already promised no more secrets.”
“Do you know what I was thinking about when I had that panic attack?”
“What, baby?”
“That the walls were closing in. Over eight thousand square feet of space, Finn, and the walls were closing in.” She shook her head. “I’d pushed you away and you left me in bed, left the apartment… I thought about you not being there every morning. About waking up alone and eating alone and raising Jake alone, and it made my panic attack worse.
“I don’t forgive you,” she said, blunt enough to make me wince. “I might never forgive you, but I don’t want to be without you, and that’s something to work toward. But I need compromises. The way things were… I don’t want that anymore.”
Her words resonated more than she could know. “Whatdoyou want, sweetheart?”
“No more fifteen-hour days. No more getting in when Jake’s asleep. No more working yourself so hard that you’ll break.”
“You know why I’m doing that.”
“I do, and I agree to a point, but I don’t want—” She pulled back, and though I held her firmer against me, not wanting her to drift away, she didn’t. She just stared into my eyes as she whispered, “My mom had no idea that that day would be her last. She left me in the tearoom thinking she’d see me later that evening. And as devastated as I am, I know that we did so much together over the years, that we made the time we had count.
“Jake won’t have that with you if you keep on working so many hours. It’s different now. He won’t remember these times, but as he gets older, he will. He won’t know you. You’ll become a stranger to him.
“I understand that you want him to have choices down the line, and I’m all for you striving to achieve that, but Acuig doesn’t stop running when you start working eight-hour days.
“Hire more people. Get your brothers in on it. Declan’s lost in the docks. He could work for Acuig easily, and be so much happier too. Brennan’s wasted just being your father’s fixer. What else could he be doing for Acuig? He and Camille will want kids soon. He won’t want his kids doing what he’s had to do. Aidan’s the same.
“Senior might be a problem, but he won’t be around forever, Finn. Aidan will have to handle the fact that none of his brothers really want to be in the mob, and when he becomes a father, that will resonate more than ever too.”
Staring into her eyes, seeing her resolve and her fear that I’d reject what she was saying, I bowed my head and ran my nose along her temple. “When did my wife get to be so wise?” I questioned.
Her hands tugged at my jacket. “When she grew up and realized her husband wasn’t a white knight, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t still be her hero anyway.”
I sucked in a breath at her words and whispered, “I never tried to be your white knight.”
“You became that, but you’re not perfect, and I shouldn’t have put you on a pedestal. Things will change between us, Finn. I can’t stop that from happening.”
“I know,” I agreed sadly. “I’m sorry I broke that, baby.”
“Maybe it needed to be broken. Mom’s death, how she died, there was no closure for me. I think, for the longest time, that I’ve been nursing that open wound.
“Now, it can start to heal. I know who did it, I know why, and I know that I can’t have justice.” She tipped her chin up. “Lena sent me a voicemail. It’s her confession. I could take it into a precinct tomorrow, but I know you’re right. No matter what happens, she’ll never see the inside of a jail cell.” She swallowed. “I don’t know how…” Her mouth worked. “I need you to understand that I might not be able to go to Sunday dinner for a while.”
“I don’t expect you to,” was my immediate retort. “Baby, I didn’t expect that of you last week.”
“I was being spiteful.”
“You’re allowed to be. You’re allowed to be mad at me. You’re allowed to grieve, and you’re allowed to hurt. You’re allowed to shout at me and to sob when I’m there so I can hold you. All of those things you’re allowed to do, sweetheart. You’re just not allowed to leave me.”
Our gazes collided, and softly, gently, I lowered my head and pressed a kiss to her mouth.
It was a simple promise.
A silent vow.
“I choose you, Aoife. Always you.”
When tears appeared and began to trickle down her cheeks, I pressed my lips to those trails and kissed each one.
