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I take a sip of my beer, thinking about how much detail I want to give her. So I settle on a vague truth. “There’s a new account that we’re trying to land, and I know that if I do, that promotion is mine. It’s for a women’s product though, and my boss didn’t seem to think I could come up with a good enough pitch since I’m out of touch with what women really want.”
“Because you’re an asshole?” she teases.
“No, because I don’t really date.”
“Ah. Why doesn’t that surprise me…”
With a cocky grin, I reply, “I have too much to offer to keep it all for one woman, Charlotte.”
“Too much syphilis? Newsflash, Damien. Women don’t want that.”
Damn, the girl can still bust my balls, and I’m not hating the smug purse of her lips while she does it. “We’re getting off topic.”
“Yes, please tell me how this is supposed to work? I’m a busy woman and don’t have time to play a part in your low-budget play.”
“I heard. You spend so much time on your job that you still don’t have a husband, isn’t that right?”
“Excuse me?”
“Whether you want to admit it or not, I think part of you agreed to my little charade in front of your parents just to get your mother off your back…am I right?” She doesn’t say anything. Just continues to glare across the table at me. “That’s what I thought.”
“So what’s your point?”
Clasping my hands around my beer, I stare her down. “My point is, both of us can benefit from this little arrangement, Charlotte. You get your mother off your back, we’ll go to Hawaii and play the couple in love, and then fake a break up later when we see fit. Meanwhile, I get to show my boss that I’m in touch with my feminine side and clinch the promotion that I know I deserve.”
Her face is contorted in a way that I can’t read, like she’s seeing my point but doesn’t want to. “What all would I need to do to keep up my end of the bargain?”
“What do you mean?”
“Like, how in-depth do I need to play this part? I have a life and can’t be at your beck and call all the time. I’m not going to show up at your office unannounced every day so your boss can see me, or wear a shirt that says, ‘Damien is my man.’ I have some self-respect.”
“We can go back to the shirt later,” I joke. “But to answer your question, the first order of business would be a dinner next week with some work associates. It’s a big deal. I’ve never been invited because I’m not part of a couple, and almost all of the members of the board will be there, so it’s a great opportunity to impress them.”
“Where do you work?”
“Goldstein Advertising,” I reply.
Her eyebrows shoot up. “Wow. We actually work with them quite a bit.”
“I know, but you’ve probably never crossed paths with me since you’re selling to women, and I don’t really do that.”
“So why not wait for another account? Why not do what you know you’re good at instead of going through all of this?”
And that has me smiling. “Oh, come on, Charlotte. You should understand more than anyone how I love a challenge.”
She rears back in her seat as her brow furrows, like my words confused her or something. But then she shakes it off and takes another sip of her drink. “I guess I understand.”
“This is about proving myself and getting a chance that wasn’t given to me because I don’t have a vagina.”
“You sure about that?” she mocks.
“You want me to whip out my dick and show it to you right now?” I fire back.
She huffs out a laugh. “No. That’s not necessary. And while we’re on the subject of your dick, there will be no instances whatsoever where that thing will come anywhere near me, got it?”
“So you’re agreeing to this?”
She sighs in defeat. “Sadly, yes. But for my own reasons.”
“Your mom seems like she’s very concerned about you becoming an old maid.”
“Yeah, she is. Which is preposterous. I’m only thirty, you know? But she keeps reminding me that if I don’t find someone soon, I’ll never be able to celebrate a thirtieth wedding anniversary like her and my dad.”
“That is pretty incredible…I mean, if that’s your goal in life.”
She laughs. “Yeah, I can see that you obviously have no desire to go there.”
“That’s not true,” I say more defensively than I intended, but I run with it. “Marriage isn’t something completely off the table for me. I just haven’t found somebody yet who’s ever made me want to consider it.”
She points a finger across the table at me. “And that’s the point your boss was trying to make. Being with a woman, or a significant other to be more general, will make you change your outlook on things. And you clearly have a one-track mind.”
“Well, you obviously haven’t found your prince charming.”
“Yup,” she answers dryly, taking another sip of her drink. “And I do want someone someday, but I’ll be damned if I settle to appease my mother and these ridiculous societal expectations put upon women.”
God, when she gets fired up, my body keeps having this weird reaction—like I wonder how passionate she gets in other situations.
Focus, Damien. “Okay, so you’ll do this then?”
“I have no idea why I’m even agreeing to this because it’s you—and me—but what the hell? I don’t feel like I have anything to lose at this point. And it prevents me from having to find someone on my own.”
I place my hand over my chest. “Damn, you make me feel so warm and fuzzy, sweet pea.”
“Hey! While you mention it, please for the love of God, stop calling me sweet pea.”
I throw my head back in laughter. “Why? What’s wrong with sweet pea?”
“I hate pet names. They are so impersonal and some just make me cringe.” She shivers in her seat.
“Okay. Fine. No sweet pea.” Yeah, I’m still going to fucking call her that now that I know she hates it.
She heaves out a sigh, leaning back in her side of the booth. “I can’t believe I just agreed to fake date Damien Shaw.”
“Charlotte Montgomery, I’m going to be the best fake boyfriend I can be.”
She cackles and then drains the rest of her drink. “That’s the only way you’d ever be my boyfriend, Damien—by both of us pretending that this is real–because there’s no way in hell that you and I would be together in reality.”
Surprisingly, her words cut, stabbing me in the chest. But I shake it off. I don’t need Charlotte to like me. But I do need her to act like she does. And if that means that I might have to butter her up a bit in the process, then so be it. Again, I never back down from a challenge.
