Page 58 of Denial

"Hold on to me tighter."

I wrap my arms around his neck and his go around my back. Then, he's driving into me so hard and fast that I feel dizzier with each stroke. My head falls to the wall as my thighs clench tighter to his sides, ankles locking behind his back. My orgasm is right there, more within my reach as he slams into me and stays there, rubbing my swollen clit. I push my body harder into him, my nails biting into his neck.

"Come on my cock, Lexa," he groans into my ear. "You know you want to. Show me how much you love the feeling of when I'm filling you."

All I can do is whimper. He changes angles, dropping down some while his hands move back to my hips. Then, he pounds into me, lifting my body by my hips to slam me down on him. My fingers thread in his hair as he fucks me, as the tension builds inside of me, reaching a breaking point, becoming unbearable. And right alongside the tension is the pleasure, rising, overwhelming, consuming me.

A broken moan leaves me, and Ezekiel must know what it means, how close I am. He grunts and brings his mouth to the top of my breast, sinking his teeth into my skin and taking me over the edge I've been teetering on.

"Don't stop," I grit out as I come, pussy spasming around him.

He gives a savage groan against my skin, long and deep as he begins slamming into me impossibly harder. My back rubs painfully into the wall, but I couldn't care less with the bliss between my thighs, with the release of tension inside of me.

Then, his hand is at my throat, pushing up until my eyelids slowly lift, but I can see nothing but the ceiling, and the remaining stars dancing in my vision. His grip tightens as he drives into me and stays there. A strangled moan leaves me at his body rubbing against my now overly sensitive clit. His mouth comes to my ear just in time for me to hear the shuddering breath that escapes him as he comes inside of me.

He arches his hips forward, getting even deeper in me and I arch my back just the same, desperate for him not to leave me yet. Needing this moment not to end. He leans heavily against me, crushing me between him and the wall. I can't say I don't like it at all though.

But then he's sliding down, taking me with him until he's on the floor and I'm wrapped around him, arms on his neck, legs clenching his waist, clinging to him like he's still my lover and not the man who turned my love into pain. I push that thought away, not yet ready for reality to creep back in. Not wanting a reason to let him go just yet. Our chests collide into each other's with our heaving breaths. My thighs tremble on the sides of him with the pleasure still thrumming through me. I can feel it though, when he remembers, his body turning to stone beneath mine, but he grips me tighter, as if he's afraid I'll remember too and run. Does he care if I run? Is he remembering that he hurt me, or that he doesn't care and shouldn't have done any of what we just did? The uncertainty brings me crashing back down to where I don't want to be. I should feel safe in his arms, content in his embrace, or at least I used to. Now, I'm just confused. He's still inside of me, and yet, I suddenly feel so empty. I hate it.

"I'm sorry for hurting you," he says, making my eyes widen at words I did not expect to hear. "I never meant to. I just...I know you're not her. I know. I know it in my mind, but in here..." He brings his hand between us and as he places it to his chest, I can feel that it's shaking. "In here, I'm terrified that you're going to break me. She didn't break me, Lexa. She betrayed my trust and made me doubt if Jeremiah and I could ever have what other people do, our own version of normal. She hurt me, but she didn't break me. But with you, I know it would shatter me."

It's a hurtful mixture of emotions that rushes through me. Happy to know I'm in his heart. Sad that he would think, even for a second, that I would break the heart he's let me into. Anger that what someone else has done to him makes him doubt me. Disappointed that there's still this distrust and distance between us.

"I'm in your heart, Ezekiel?" I ask, backing up so I can see his face as I bring my hand to his chest, too, placing it over his.

There's fear in his eyes, but his lips curve up into a small smile. "I don't think you ever gave me a choice really. Or better yet, I never stood a chance."

I want to smile back, but I suppress the urge. Instead, I bring my hand to his temple. "Then, you had better figure out what's going on in here. Before you lose your place in here."

I place my hand over my own heart and his smile drops.

"You sat in the car and told me all the things real love wouldn't do, but you did them. You made me doubt. You made me feel less than. I don't deserve to feel that way. Not when I've never given you a reason to think any of my words or actions were lies. Not when I opened myself up to you. Not when I gave you what I swore I would never give anyone."

I rise suddenly, making him slip out of me as I ignore how unsteady my legs feel to stand over him.

"So, I take back my love from you, and you will have to grovel to get it back. And you had better hope,hope,that when you finally come to your senses and realize what we truly had, that I allow you anywhere near my heart."

"Lexa." He begins to get up to, tucking himself back into his shorts.

I shake my head and back away, pulling my skirt down, not thinking about the fact that I can feel him leaking out of me. "There's nothing else we need to say to each other. I know what I want. You need to figure out what it is you want, and if you're truly even ready for what you want."

I turn on my heels and walk towards the doors, feeling his eyes on me like a brand, searing into my back. Out the door, across the street, into my car, I don't look back one time, forcing myself not to check if he's still watching as I start my car. I'm not even sure I check for traffic before I pull into the road and race away from the gym. Only then, with the dark gym in my rearview mirror, do I admit that I'm terrified he will decide that he doesn't truly want me. That I'm not worth the fight my mother mentioned. That I'm not the one for him like I know he and Jeremiah are the ones for me.

At a red light, I get the phone out and send the same message to my mother, and my group chat with Sophie and Charlotte.

Me: I said what I needed to. Did what I needed to. Now, the ball's in his court.

My mother will know her own words, and I told Sophie and Charlotte about what's been going on, and the conversation with my mother, so they'll understand too. They all text me back at the same time.

Soph: Well, let’s hope he's a damn good basketball player.

Char: I mean, he's not tall for nothing. He's got this. Or we'll stuff him into one of Shawn's cribs until he stops acting like a child.

Soph: Oh, we could even get him a onesie, a cute little bib that saysI'm a dumbass.

I laugh while typing out a reply.

Me: You guys are almost making me hope he does act up so we can do just this.

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