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It was her turn to do the same. That was the only way I’d know she was truly in this, despite all the challenges we faced.
“Have you made a decision?” I asked softly.
She nodded.
“And?” A twinge of hope filled that one syllable.
She studied me for several moments, chewing on her lower lip, seemingly unsure. Then she pushed out a breath.
“The past few days, I’ve been on a seesaw of emotions,” she declared. “I won’t lie to you and tell you this was an easy decision for me. It wasn’t. In fact, it’s been one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do. Because it made me actually look at who I am. And not just on the outside, but in here.” She covered her heart with her hand. “To do that, I had to revisit all the shit I’ve been through in my life. Let me tell you, that’s some pretty heavy baggage.”
“Yes, it is,” I said evenly. I wouldn’t deny her that. It was amazing she was still upright after carrying all the baggage that had weighed her down most of her life.
“But then my brother pointed out something I’d never realized before.”
I furrowed my brows. “What’s that?”
“He told me I’ve spent my whole life in survival mode. That every single decision I’ve ever made has been with one thing in mind…”
“Surviving.”
“Yeah.” Her lips curved up into a sad smile. “That’s all I know how to do, Lachlan. And not out of choice. But because of a lifetime of living on the defensive. So doing anything that has the potential of being risky simply isn’t in my DNA. Isn’t who I am.”
“Oh.” My shoulders fell, chest tightening. I wasn’t sure I liked where this conversation was headed.
“But I don’t want to live like that anymore.”
I perked up, hope filling me once more, begging her to give me the answer I’d been desperate to hear ever since I gave her my truth. “You don’t?”
She shook her head as she took several slow steps toward me. “I don’t. I don’t want to just survive anymore. I want to live. And when I’m with you…” Tears welled in her eyes. “I’ve never felt so alive.”
She allowed her confession to hang in the air between us for several seconds as I relished in it, unable to find the words to tell her how bloody happy this made me.
“I know we have a lot to work out,” she continued when I didn’t say anything. “For one, I have to figure out how I’m going to tell my daughter that I’m not only dating a much younger man, but he also plays for her favorite team. Then there’s all the stuff with Claire and Nick and Piper and—”
I advanced, clutching her cheeks in my hands, the sudden motion cutting her off. Then I moved my lips against hers, tongue swiping against them in a desperate plea.
When she didn’t immediately open for me, I murmured, “Kiss me.”
She hesitated for a beat. Then I felt her mouth curve into a smile. I knew exactly what she was remembering. Our first night together.
Our first kiss.
“Is this just a charity kiss?” she teased back, her voice light and playful.
I chuckled, heart expanding with an emotion I couldn’t even begin to put into words.
“Like, are you only kissing me because you feel bad?” she continued. “Because if you are—”
“Let me kiss you and you’ll see how uncharitable this kiss will actually be. In fact, if I had to describe it, it would be the antithesis of a kiss for charity.”
“Is that right?”
“That’s right.”
I was about to resume the kiss once more when, as expected, Julia pulled back, a smirk on her full, pouty lips.
“And what would one call a kiss that’s the antithesis of charity?”
