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“I’ll come back to your suspicious behavior later.” Mama gestures between Rob and me before turning her attention back to YiaYia. “In the meantime, all I require is a simple apology, then I will drop it.”
“I refuse to apologize,” Papou practically howls.
Rob steps up beside me, leaning down to whisper in my ear. “What the hell is going on in here this morning? I was expecting to die, and then I was too sore to care, and now your mom is messing with her parents? Tini posted a video of us on Twitter that has a couple hundred thousand views without our permission, Papou is busting a gut over a pan of bacon, and…did I miss anything? I feel like I woke up in the Twilight Zone.”
“That about covers it,” I agree.
We watch—Rob on my left and Tini on my right—as YiaYia continues to squirm under Mama’s glare while Papou cackles, seemingly puffing his chest out a bit in pride.
“Oh no,” Tini mumbles. “Not again.”
Rob and I swivel our heads to stare at Tini, but he beats me to the question burning the tip of my tongue. “What’s again?”
Tini makes a gagging motion, deep breathing before she responds. “Ever since you went away to college, YiaYia and Papou have been getting…a little vocal during their frisky times if you know what I’m saying. It’s like they forgot two other people still live here, and since Mama’s room is right next to theirs, she hears. A lot.”
Rob chokes on a fit of laughter. “Are you fucking with me right now?”
“No,” Tini answers, her tone dead serious. “I wish I was.”
“This doesn’t let you off the hook for Tweeting that video,” Rob whispers. “But if no one says a word about me and Evie sleeping on the couch together last night, I’ll let it slide. This time.”
“Done.”
They reach around me to shake on it. I’m left feeling like the odd woman out; the middle child caught between her siblings’ collusion.
“Fine.” Mama breaks the staring match. “If you won’t apologize, then I’m moving out.”
Papou laughs even harder at her threat. “I will never apologize for being a good husband. You would not exist if I was not.”
Oh, eew. I don’t want to think about that. As far as I’m concerned, my mother, aunt, and uncle were all immaculately conceived.
Hell, Tini and I were immaculately conceived.
“I’m moving out, too,” Tini pipes up. “I’m sick of wearing earbuds to bed to block out the noise.”
YiaYia sputters, her face turning an unhealthy shade of red. “This is not proper conversation! You two will show some respect for your elders!”
“I have mad respect for Papou right now,” Rob laughs.
“Shut up,” Mama hisses at him. “You’re not helping.”
“Do you still need my help with anything, Papou?” Rob continues, enjoying the game a little too much. “Need me to fetch some mistletoe or something?”
Papou’s pride reaches new heights. “I do not require the assistance of plants.”
Rob completely loses it. Doubling over at my side, his whole body shakes with laughter.
“I dunno,” Tini muses. “Lots of people claim certain herbs are beneficial to that sort of thing.”
“What do you know of this?” YiaYia accuses, once again trying to divert the spotlight.
Mama calls her out on it. “Oh, no. This isn’t about Christina. This is about you and Dad getting a little too carried away. If anyone should be getting a lecture on indecency, it’s you two.”
Rob actually falls in a heap to the floor, clutching his side as tears roll down his cheeks. “Oh, God. It hurts. No more. I can’t take it. I need Advil.”
In a flurry of motion, Mama and YiaYia rush into action, one pulling the bottle of pills from the cupboard while the other kneels on the floor by Rob’s side.
“Should I call your Mom?” Mama feathers her hand over Rob’s forehead like he might have a fever from laughing too hard. She glances up at me, all joking aside. “Is this normal after a game?”
