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Rose
Ididn’t go see him the next day. As much as I wanted to, I decided it was best to take a step back and gain some control, for his sake as much as mine. He was desperately fighting with himself not to lose control. In the end, our feelings didn’t matter. We were both married. I knew my marriage was loveless and lonely, but I had no idea what his was like. How long had he been married? Had they ever been happy? What if this was just a stage he was going through? I couldn’t be responsible for ruining another person’s marriage.
So, I stayed on my porch all day, staring out at the ocean. I took a nap in the afternoon. I forced myself to watch TV, and instead of going out for meals, I ordered in. I knew if I started walking on the beach, I would head right to him. The same thing would happen if I went out to eat. The day had passed so agonizingly slow that I actually considered just going home. I couldn’t take another two weeks of forcing myself to stay away from him.
But I couldn’t leave him either.
I knew I couldn’t let anything happen with him, but just to talk to him and spend time with him would be a moment of happiness I could take with me when I finally went home to Alexander. I took my time drinking my morning cup of coffee. My heart was racing with the excitement of seeing him. The thought of seeing him smile made happiness well up inside me. But still, I forced myself not to run down the beach toward him.
I took my time getting dressed, not to look nice, but to slow down and remember what I would be doing today. Working, that was it. No kissing. No touching. Absolutely no staring into his eyes or at any other part of his body. Just work. I nodded to myself and pulled on another pair of shorts and a tank top. After wrapping my hair up tightly, I finally set out down the beach.
The water was cool as it washed over my feet. I didn’t bother to wear my sandals on the beach, and though I knew they weren’t the best footwear for fixing up a house, it would work for now. As I approached the rundown house, I smiled as I thought of what it would look like when it was finished. But my smile quickly fell away as I realized he would probably bringherhere. I didn’t have any right to be jealous. She was his wife. I was nobody. Swallowing down my sadness and anger, I continued to the house, smiling when I saw Shane and James already working.
Shane tapped James on the arm as he saw me approach, nodding in my direction. In those few moments before he turned, my body raged a war inside me, trying to control my reaction to him. I feared he would look at me with disappointment for showing up, or even anger. But when he turned, his face slowly morphed into the gorgeous smile I knew all too well.
“Hey,” I smiled, waving at him.
He strode toward me, completely ignoring his friend. Stopping just before me, his eyes searched mine. “I thought you might not come back.”
“I thought about it,” I said honestly.
“What brought you back here?”
“You,” I said, not even hesitating. “I know we have boundaries, but I thought…” I took a deep breath and forged ahead. “Iknowthat I’d rather spend the rest of my time here with you than go home and pretend none of this existed.”
I could tell he wanted to kiss me. I could feel his body shifting to be closer to mine, but he held back. “I’m glad you came.”
“Yeah, well…this house is a mess,” I laughed, walking around him. “It’ll take you forever to finish up without my help.”
Shane smiled at me as I approached. He didn’t seem to want me here, though. I didn’t miss the concerned look he shot his friend or the tightness of his shoulders as I walked up to him. I wasn’t sure if he didn’t like me, or maybe he just knew of the position we were both in, and he didn’t want us to risk it.
“Good morning.” I smiled at him, even though I could feel his discomfort.
He nodded, taking in my shoes. “That’s a great way to get a nail in the foot.”
I lifted one foot and shrugged. “It’s a beach. I only brought sandals.”
“James!” he barked out. “You should take her to get different shoes. You can pick out the flooring and cabinets while you’re in town.”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” James said as he stepped up beside me.
“We’re picking out flooring?” I asked curiously, excitement building inside me.
“We finished tearing out the kitchen yesterday. We’ll need to pick out flooring for the whole house, but I need to order cabinets as well.”
“While you’re gone, I’ll make some calls,” Shane added, though James and I were still staring at each other. “You know, I still have a business to run. Not that you care,” he said teasingly. “This one tiny house is more important than all the contracts in the world.”
“Sure,” James said, still smiling at me.
“Right, well, off you go,” Shane shooed us away. “And bring me back a burger!”
We walked around the house to his Jeep, our hands brushing against each other. I never reached for his hand, though my fingers were itching to touch his. He helped me up into the Jeep and sent me a scolding look. “You don’t step out of this Jeep until I come around to get you. Understood?”
I saluted him, biting back the smile on my face. “Absolutely, sir!”
He rolled his eyes at me, but then snatched my injured hand and unwrapped the bandage. “It’s healing nicely,” he said as he wrapped it again.
“I let it breathe yesterday. I just wrapped it so it didn’t get dirty today.”
