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Vince
We stumble through the door of the apartment just after seven. Maia pauses as she looks around and exhales slowly, then closes her eyes and inhales. Her demeanor changes—shoulders relax, face softens, eyes fill with peace. Adrenaline and willpower kept her going at the hospital, but she needs to get back to normalcy now and get some sleep in her own bed.
Part of me wonders if I should head home later and let her have the bed all to herself, but it feels wrong. I’m starting to think of her bed as mine too, and I’m not sure if I should.
“What do you need?” I ask, running my hands down her arms. Her eyelids slide all the way up and she looks at me, her exhaustion palpable.
“A shower. And mac and cheese.”
After pressing a gentle kiss to her lips, I say, “You go shower. I’ll make the mac and cheese.”
A faint smile pulls at her lips and she throws her arms around me. “Thank you. That sounds perfect.”
She yawns as she walks away, and I head into the kitchen and start making mac and cheese.
Once the pasta is boiling, I lean back against the counter and rub my eyes. Coming down off several days of running on adrenaline is confusing to the brain. The intense fear and concern we were dealing with have suddenly dropped away and it almost feels surreal that we felt them at all. It’s like a strange hollowness. You get used to being filled with chaotic energy and then suddenly it’s gone and you’re empty. And it’s not that you want it back, but you’ve forgotten what it’s like not to feel that way.
I don’t know exactly what comes next. I don’t know how to go back to normal. I don’t even know what normal is. Normal was Maia and Braden together. It was the five of us at varying stages of growing up.
Now Maia is a mom. We’re together. Nick’s with Leigh and they’re going to be parents. And Braden… is in a rough place. This last year has been filled with more adult situations than I expected to face at eighteen. I’m not against being mature or responsible, but this has been a lot for any of us, especially these last few days.
I hope Harper never has to go through what any of us has gone through.
I had no idea what to expect when Harper was born. How are you supposed to feel about your friends’ kid? But the moment I held her, a wave of protectiveness shot through me. Maybe it’s because of who I am, or the fact that I’m her godfather, but I made a silent promise then and there to always protect her and help her however I could. It made things that much easier when I started growing even closer to Maia and eventually dating her. I love Harper. I never want to take Braden’s place, but I want all the best things for her. Never feeling pain like what I’ve experienced definitely tops that list.
Maia and I offered to pick her up, but Leo insisted on keeping her, then gave me a look that said I needed to go along with that so Maia would sleep. I can’t disagree that she needs it.
I drain the pasta and pour the cheese sauce over it, then add a dash of hot sauce. I’m just putting the hot sauce back in the fridge when Maia walks into the room.
“Hey, mac and cheese is ready, and I added a little spice, just the way you like it.”
She smiles and shakes her head, then walks over and gives me an unexpectedly intense kiss, telling me with her body what she can’t with her words—how grateful she is for me.
Wrapping my arms around her back, I kiss her back just as forcefully, needing her to know how incredible she makes me feel, how much I love her. When we pull apart, she wraps her arms around my neck and I see a quick glimpse of her beautiful smile. Then her stomach growls.
“Let’s eat.”
I fill up a bowl for her, and as she scarfs it down, my heart soars. Knowing I can take care of her, help heal her when everything else feels broken, lights a fire of pride deep in my stomach.
God, I needed a shower. I’ve been taking five minute showers during the times I left the hospital, went home, changed, went to Maia’s and packed her some things, and went back to the hospital.
Feeling like I’ve washed some of the suck of the last few days off me, I make my way to the bedroom.
When I walk in, Maia is lying on the bed on her side. I think she’s asleep until I get closer and I realize she’s staring off into the distance.
Shit.
“Mai?”
She doesn’t move. Doesn’t even blink.
I quickly lie down next to her and wrap an arm around her waist. Her gaze snaps to me as tears fill her eyes.
I had a feeling this would happen eventually.
As I pull her against my chest, her body begins to shake. She whimpers and soaks my shirt with her tears.
“It’s okay,” I whisper as she melts against me. “You don’t have to be strong anymore.”
There’s no response, just quiet sobs as she presses her body tighter against mine.
I know it’s all the emotions of the last several days hitting her at once, still I hate that she feels like this. But I love knowing that when she’s ready to let her guard down, to stop being the mama bear, the caretaker, and the one in control, that I’m the one she allows herself to be the most vulnerable with. That when she breaks, I’m the one she allows to pick up the pieces.
I’m her safe place, and I will never take that for granted.
