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Maia
These last few weeks have been exhausting. It’s been just about three weeks since the accident. Braden came home on Monday and I’ve spent my nights trying to balance my time taking care of Harper, seeing him, still spending time with Vince, and helping Jenna pack. She’s moving out in two weeks, and while I’m crazy excited for her, it has me thinking more and more about what I’m going to do when she leaves.
Vince and I have only been together for three months. But we’ve been best friends our whole lives. He spends most nights here, anyway.Do I want him to move in?
Yes. I mean, that’s the resounding answer that forms every time I ask myself that question. My heart beats faster in excitement when I think about it. But… does that mean heshould?We’re only eighteen, but I don’t feel much like an eighteen-year-old. Our relationship doesn’t feel like a teenage relationship. We don’t just go on dates and hang out in the evenings. We balance work schedules, a kid, doing chores, cooking meals.
Iwanthim to move in here. I just don’t ever want him to move out. You know, without me. Braden leaving, me having to go through and pack his stuff, then give it back to his mom, was heart wrenching. I don’t ever want to go through something like that again. In my heart, I know Vince and I are stronger than that. But it doesn’t stop the fear.
Hooray for trauma.
“Hello? Earth to Maia. Where did you go?”
I look up at my sister, who is staring at me like I’m nuts.
Fair, because I probably am.
“Sorry. I was just… thinking.”
“About what?”
“Nothing.”
She rolls her eyes as she sits down on the floor next to me, adding to the box I’m packing. “You’re the worst liar.”
“I’ll be fine. Besides, I want to talk about you. Are you excited to move in with Brett?”
Her face lightens as she smiles big. “I’m really excited. I never lived with anyone besides you—our family. I’m a little nervous about how it’ll feel and if it’ll change things, but I’m excited.”
Giving her leg a squeeze, I say, “When it’s right, living together will feel like you always should’ve been doing it.”
I pause. Realizing I said that in the context of how it feels with Vince staying here frequently.
Jenna smirks at me. “Give yourself a little bit of advice?”
I push at her arm. “Shut up.”
“So, how’s Braden doing?”
Thankful for the subject change, I say, “Good. He’s been having PT at his house this week to help him get around more easily.”
“When can he start the intensive stuff they want him to do?”
“Mid-June. His collarbone and pelvis should be healed enough by then. It’s probably still going to take a while to get back to normal. Or whatever normal is going to be.”
She nods. “And how about you guys?”
“Fine.”
She laughs in my face. “You broke up, went through a shitstorm with him for almost a year, and now you’re fine?”
“No.” I let out a sigh. It’s not like all the shit that happened between Braden and me just disappeared. But I’m waiting until we can sit down with a therapist to really talk about that stuff. Braden needs our support right now. If I focus on all the shit that happened, it’ll be harder to give him that. “I’m focusing on being there for him, finding a genuine friendship with him again. We’ll work through everything else when he’s a little more settled.”
Jenna’s lips pull into a flat line. She’s so rarely serious, it always looks wrong on her. “Just don’t let it go unresolved. I watched you do that before and saw the toll it took on you, that it’s still taking on you. You deserve the healing. And the closure.”
She’s not wrong. I have no problem standing up for myself or demanding what I want, but right now Braden is still fragile. I handled it wrong before, but this time I’m not trying to ignore it or push through, I’m trying to take it slow. I don’t want to risk losing him again.
“Everything has been… fractured. I don’t want it to be that way anymore. I’m not letting it go, I’m just choosing my actions carefully, and trying to focus on letting him heal. I need him at his best before we go down this road, because it’s going to be rough. And most importantly, I know he didn’t feel supported before. I want him to feel that now. I want him to know we’re all still here for him, even in the midst of figuring the hard stuff out.”
