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Goodbye
Braden
“Yourlasttherapysessiontogether,” Dr. Jim says, looking between Maia and me. “How are you both feeling about where you are now and how far you’ve come?”
I glance at Maia and nod for her to go first.
“I’m grateful.” Her voice is thick, and I know our last session is probably going to end up as emotional as our first.
The last twelve weeks have been a wild ride. We’ve cried, laughed, yelled, and barely wanted to look at each other, but we always left it all in the therapist’s office. Through all of that, though, we’ve healed.
Maia’s hand slips over mine as she continues. “I’m grateful Braden wanted to be here with me and work through everything. I’m thankful we’ve built a stronger relationship and can truly move forward from here.”
Dr. Jim nods and looks at me. “Braden?”
“I’m glad we did this. I wasn’t sure exactly what to expect when we started. How talking through things would go. I understand Maia better now than I ever have before and know how to work with her. But most importantly—” I stop feeling the weight of our past colliding with where we are now. “It feels good to know I didn’t lose her. Iwon’tlose her. I still have a lot of work to do on myself, but I feel confident in what Maia and I have built.”
Maia bumps her shoulder against mine. “I’m proud of you for continuing on, doing the work.”
“I don’t want to be the guy I was before. Well, not the worst parts of him, at least.”
“You’ve both come far, and I’m grateful you allowed me to work with you on this journey. And I’ll continue to be here if you ever need help navigating tricky things that come up.”
“I’m sure there will be some,” Maia says with a laugh.
”Is there anything specific you’d like to discuss today?” Dr. Jim asks.
Maia and I look at each other and shrug.
“Any nagging feelings or uncertainties?”
Maia inhales audibly. She’s got something to say. I shouldn’t be surprised.
“I just want—I want us to stay on this path. Therapy has made it easier. It gives us a space to communicate. I want to make sure we keep doing that afterward. Our lives are going to get busy again with college starting, Braden going back to work, and Harper getting older. I don’t want to lose this.”
I give her a smile and take her hand. “Hey, I’m still gonna be in here dealing with my crap.”
She nods but her eyes are sad. I know what she’s really saying. She felt like she lost me once, she doesn’t want that to happen again.
“You’re not gonna lose me. I’m not gonna be that guy again. I see everything that happened with… clarity now. I may not know exactly who I am, but I know who I’m never going to be again. I like the version of myself I’m becoming, and I’m not sure I ever felt that way before.”
She squeezes my hand tightly and nods, not saying anything. I know she can’t or else she’ll cry and shehatescrying. Maybe we should talk about that.
Deciding not to throw her under the bus, we spend the rest of the session talking about the very beginning of our relationship as Dr. Jim listens in amusement.
Grabbing her hands on that dance floor was one of the best decisions of my life, even if it didn’t turn out the way I thought it would.
It took time, but I’m able to look back at it now and feel the good memories, the nostalgia, and the comfort of growing up with her by my side.
I guess the same thing is still true. Now we’re just growing up in a different way. Just like we’re still connected.In a different way.
