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There’s no relying on anyone, is there?
My hand drops to my stomach.Except you. Baby boy, I will always be there for you. I’ll glue myself to you if I need to. You will never question my love. I never want you to feel this way. You never will.
I cried and screamed until there was nothing left inside me last night. I was half-expecting the neighbors to call the police. At some point, I fell asleep. Probably reading my mother’s letters for the hundredth time.
As I finish what I’m doing, I hear Abuelita come in the door.
It’s about time.
I grab the letters and storm out to the kitchen, slamming them on the kitchen counter and causing Abuelita, who is standing by the coffeepot, to jump.
“She was in rehab? Why didn’t you tell me?”
Abuelita looks down at the counter.
“It wasn’t my place—”
“Wasn’t your place?! Are you freaking kidding me? It wasabsolutelyyour place. You’re supposed to protect me. Be there for me!” I shove my finger into my chest. “I should’ve known. You could’ve at least told me—”
“Don’t you take that tone of voice with me. I told you the answer to what you wanted to know was in that letter—”
“Bullshit! That was cryptic nonsense. I had no idea it was somethingthatbig. And you should’ve told me. Maybe she’d still be alive if you had!”
“Don’t you blame me—”
I throw the other letter at her face. “Read it!” I screech.
Angry, her eyes roll over the paper, her face changing as she goes. She shakes her head as she sets it down.
“Mijita, I know what you’re thinking. But we couldn’t have—”
“Don’t! We could have—I could have—” I stop and press down all my tears, standing straighter. “You were the one person who I trusted never to let me down, who I’ve always relied on. Now I know I can’t rely on anyone.”
“Leigh!”
I grab the letters and turn to the hall, picking up my packed bags. “I’m moving out.”
Her eyes go wide. “No. I know you’re hurting. But don’t go. Don’t leave me like this!”
Her hand rests on her chest. Her cries could tear my heart out, but I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t.
“Mijita,” she calls as I walk out the door.
I make it to my car, jaw set and chin held high.
I don’t know where exactly I’m going, but I guess I’ll start with the one other person I’ve always trusted to be there for me.
