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CHAPTER24
- DAX -
At the end of another workday, I trudge up the stairs to my apartment.
It’s a Wednesday now—a day that, during the summer, I used to love to see end because it was like making it over that metaphorical hump, bringing me closer to when I’d get to go to the beach.
Yet the more time that passed, I realized that it wasn’t the beach I was looking forward to anymore. It was Millie.
Dammit, I miss her.
I’m a gloomy son of a bitch today, I think as I walk through my door to an apartment that seems so much emptier even though nothing about it has changed.
I glance to my walls which are practically bare compared to Millie’s. I’ve got a few things hanging up—my diploma, my photo of my battalion, and in my hall, I’ve got a photo of me with the kids I taught when I volunteered for that nonprofit.
But they’re not like Millie’s walls, filled with memories made over a lifetime.
This summer has had a steep learning curve for me. I went from thinking I wanted a family waiting home for me like all the other guys. Then I realized all that came with it—the worry and stress that I’d be doling out to people I love because of my career, and the concern that I’d have for them when I was away.
I like to think I can handle anything. I’m a Ranger. We need that kind of mentality—that arrogance, even—to survive sometimes.
But looking back, when I was in my twenties, I don’t think I would have dealt well with the stress of leaving loved ones behind. Hell, I’d never even experienced arealfamily, growing up. I needed to see this other side of the coin first-hand to really appreciate what military families go through before I jumped into it, feet-first.
And now that I’ve found someone I want to jump in feet-firstwith… it’s the wrong woman.
I find myself shaking my head.
No. She was the right woman. But one who didn’t want the kind of life I could give her right now.
My phone rings and I pull it out of my pocket.
“Your battalion’s still coming up in conversations around here,” Mason tells me.
“Yeah. I’m getting some hints too. You hear something specific at the Pentagon that you care to share?” I ask with some irony, because I know that even if he had, any specifics would only come from my CO.
“Nothing concrete. You know the deal with four-stars. Always talking about who they might move next like you’re pawns in a chess game.”
“Yeah. Well, tell them to move us to the Bahamas or Hawaii or someplace like that, ’cause I could use a little time in paradise.”
“You didn’t get your fill this summer?”
I can’t help wondering if he means my fill of theoceanor my fill ofMillie. But it doesn’t matter. The answer is the same. “You know I didn’t.”
“So, do I dare ask how things ended with Millie?”
“You can dare. And it ended the way she wanted, I guess. She’s going her way, and I’m going mine.”
“That sucks.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Freya thought you two would be perfect for each other.”
“Doesn’t matter if we were. It doesn’t change anything.”
He chuckles. “Not according to my wife. Love changes everything.”
“Who said I’m in love with her?” I bark unintentionally.
