AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Of?”
“Of getting the kind of love, the kind of intimacy, I crave, only for it to be snatched away. I don’t ever want to feel a loss as big as my mom’s death ever again.” She gave him a look of utter marvel. “This is why your lyrics are so amazing. You’re so in touch with the truth. And why my poetry sucks. Because I don’t get to the heart of it the way you do. And that’s why you can love even though you lost your dad.”
He went quiet. “I’m not so sure I can. I might’ve confused affection with love.” His gaze connected with hers, and she felt the sizzle down to her toes. “But I had nothing to compare it to, so I didn’t know.”
What are you saying? Are you feeling this, too? It’s not just one-sided?
And if so, what do we do about it?
She had to stop thinking like this. She’d known him a day.
And he’s your boss.
She forced herself back into the conversation. “I know most of your lyrics by heart, and it sure feels like you know that kind of love. You have a way of nailing it. You take this idea, this feeling, that the rest of us can’t quite articulate, and you put it into words.”
“Maybe, but it’s not because I’m in touch with my feelings. I don’t know how to explain it, but the words just come. It’s not conscious. It’s always been like that for me.” He chuckled. “And it’s always when I try to find them that they don’t come. Like tonight.”
“For me, that happens either because it’s not genuine—I’m forcing a sentiment that isn’t true—or it’s so scary and real that I’m not ready to see it.”
“In this case, I think it’s because it isn’t genuine.” He tipped his head back and scrubbed his face with both hands. “And I have you to thank for that.” He didn’t sound happy.
“What does that mean?”
“It means you’ve blown into my life and forced me to look at things I’ve neglected for a long time.” He lowered his hands, looking concerned, as if she might be offended. “And I mean that in the best way.”
“Yeah, me, too.” She didn’t think she’d ever felt closer to another person in her life.
And, oh, the way he looked at her. His features soft, the yearning in his eyes...she felt the answering pull in her soul.
What if she acted on it? What if he only held back because he was her boss? Maybe other assistants had sued them—used Van Claybourne as their payday?
Then, it means you can’t have him. Because he won’t take the risk.
Oh, my God. Would you stop? He needs a friend right now. Not a tumble.
“Well, maybe scrap the lyrics for now.” She tried to sound professional, but her feelings were all tangled up, and her voice came out raspy. “Wait until you figure out what you really want to say.”
“And what if what I want to say is not what I should be feeling?”
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing.” He sat forward, elbows on his knees. “You’re right. I’ll scrap it for now.” He got up. “I don’t know what to do about Van.” He scrubbed his jaw. “That intuition you were talking about? I think you’re right.”
“You mean about him not being happy?” She got up, too, but didn’t approach him. He seemed lost in troubled thoughts.
“I try to keep it as easy for him as possible.”
“You do. You so clearly do. But maybe he doesn’t want to do it anymore.”
“He never wanted to do it.”
She went still.
“Fuck.” The word blew out on a rush of angry air. “I can’t do this.” He strode out of the lounge.
Had she been dismissed? Did she wait here or go up to her bunk?
She had no idea. Tension bound her to the couch.
