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Merrick
Imust be out of my goddamn mind.
This little get together I so eagerly arranged has completely backfired in my face. My friends are all here, so is Davis’s brother and co-worker, Drake. Neither man is the least bit comfortable being around such an exuberant group of strangers, and as such Davis is playing the part of the peacemaker. He’s also doing a really good job of pretending like we’re just friends. Not very close friends either, so I wonder who it is he thinks he’s fooling. Not Aiden, that’s for sure. My best friend has pulled me aside more than once to condemn me for the path my life has taken. He knows as I do that I’ve never apologized for being gay. Nor have I ever hidden it. But here I am in my own house, with my closest friends, and I’m trying desperately to be someone I’m not. I’m sure as hell not acting like Davis’s lover, or the man who is head over heels in love with him. I’m barely acting like myself, and I wish I could pinpoint the exact reason why.
Of course I’m annoyed that Davis is insisting on keeping things between us a secret from Grady and Drake. I’m also hurt, which I’m trying not to be. I do understand his need to put his house in order before he announces to the world who I am to him, but I never really believed he’d cut me off like he has. He’s barely spoken to me and when he has he refuses to look directly at me. It’s such a dichotomy from the man he was just last night, bending me over the kitchen counter and fucking me so hard he made my eyes roll.
I’m growing tired of all this unpredictability. I’m worn down by the lies we tell, and the way we constantly skirt around the truth. I want the people closest to him to see his happiness and understand that our relationship has made him that way. I want him to state unequivocally that I’m his in every way imaginable. I want his loved ones to see the amazing life he and I are building together, not the façade we pretend to be living.
Davis moves past me on his way into the house, his breath catching when our shoulders touch. I might be imagining it, but I swear he whispers, “Follow me.”
After a quick glance around to see that Gunner is entertaining our guests with another colorful story, I retreat into the house. Davis isn’t in the kitchen, so I head down the hall toward my bedroom, where I see him just stepping past the doorway.
The moment I enter the room, he slams the door shut and pushes me against it, hands coming up to frame my face. His brown eyes are awash with slices of anger and need as he growls low, “I need you.”
The kiss he gives me isn’t gentle. He forces his tongue into my mouth as his hips roll against mine, leaving no doubt that he’s as upended by today as I am. His cock is rock hard as he rubs it against mine, and I’m not surprised when his fingers begin to swiftly pop open the button on my shorts, then lower the zipper.
He takes me in hand and simultaneously falls to his knees, pausing only long enough to look at me with pleading eyes and a tight jaw. Too surprised to comment, I offer him a nod, then let my head fall back against the door with a thud when he takes me all the way to the back of his throat. He’s no longer timid or unnerved when he services me. Much to my dismay, he’s taken to this task like it’s an art, always trying new and different ways to suck me off.
My fingers thread into his short hair, controlling the speed and depth of his mouth. We both know I get off on exerting control, and this time is no exception. As hell-bent as he was to get me alone, not once does he hesitate to allow me to dictate our path.
“God…..that mouth of yours,” I groan. He hums around my girth, one hand sliding behind me to cup my ass. Glancing down, I tremble at the sight of him on his knees. I fear I’ll never get enough of him; not sexually, but more importantly, not emotionally either. I’ve put myself in a hell of a predicament, loving a man who is still not free to love me in return.
He bobs faster on my shaft, the speed and suction bringing me right to the jagged edge. I hear his zipper, then the telltale sound of him stroking himself. This may be quick and raw, but he’s not about to let me get off alone. Thank God for that.
I hear laughter from the front of the house, and curse under my breath. There is something so damn erotic about knowing we might get caught. It’s what makes me grip his head tighter, and what tips me over the blissful threshold. With a garbled moan, I release down his throat, his ragged groan of approval turning me on even more. Surge after surge I unleash into him, giving my body complete permission to feel it all; the eye popping orgasm, the elation at having him all to myself like this.
I’m shaky when he pulls off, but I instantly drop to my knees in front of him. Without saying a word, he stands upright, reaching around to palm the back of my head as he feeds me his cock. I’m only a few strokes in when he comes, the strangled sound he omits like music to my ears.
He falls down next to me with a slump as his orgasm finally recedes, gasping and panting as if he’s run a race. His hand finds mine as we attempt to compose ourselves. His head rolls to the side, warm brown eyes meeting mine. “I hate that I can’t touch you or talk to you like I normally do.”
“Yes, I hate it too.” I refrain from mentioning that he is the one who decided we needed to act like strangers in front of his guests.
His free hand comes up to my face, thumb stroking my cheek. “I’m sorry. I’ll make it right. I promise.”
I know he means well, but sadly I don’t completely believe he’s going to march out to the backyard and announce that we’re a couple. There are too many obstacles still in our way not to think through exactly how we’re going to proceed.
“Let’s not make any promises, okay?”
Davis doesn’t try to hide the hurt he’s feeling, but he does nod in agreement, which causes my heart to trip over itself with worry. “Yeah…okay.”
Now is not the time for an in-depth emotional conversation, so I get to my feet and pull him up next to me. “You go on ahead. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”
After kissing me softly, he rights his clothes and sucks in a deep breath, easing the door open to peek out and make sure the coast is clear. With one last apologetic look at me, he steps into the hall and pulls the door closed behind him.
Tucking myself in and zipping up, I head to the bathroom and splash cold water on my face. The uncertainty I see before me in the mirror is telling. I want so much for Davis and I to have a future together and to know everything about one another. But it’s days like today that worry me; the impulsive possessiveness he showed only moments before, his standoffish behavior around everyone, the almost erratic decision to bring outsiders into my home. I’m not even sure I can fully explain his need to invite the other two men to the party. He’s usually running scared half the time from any sort-of commitment, be it relationship or friendship. It’s not as if he’s ever tried to meld our two lives before, nor has he once mentioned introducing me to the rest of his family. I also know that his relationship with his brother is rather tentative, and until today I didn’t even know he was friends with anyone at his work.
I’m beginning to feel worn down by it all. The patience I’ve prided myself on having is running low. I need Davis to take a step forward and finally end his relationship with Chantal for good. I selfishly need those ties severed, mostly to prove to each of us that we’re actually moving forward, instead of stuck in neutral like we have been for months. Somehow, some way, things need to change.
