AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Davis
“Good morning.”
With a groan, I scrub my palms over my face and shove the blanket aside. Grady’s couch is a damn torture device. My neck has a permanent crook in it and my back is fubar. I’m not sure how many nights I’ll be able to sleep here and still manage to walk the next day.
“Mornin’,” I reply, sitting upright, squinting at the sun streaming into the room. “What time is it?”
Mid coffee prep, he glances over his shoulder at the clock. “Almost ten.”
Technically, it’s still a day off for me due to the holiday, which I’m grateful for. Hung over from the emotional events of last night—er, early this morning—there’s no way I could even contemplate going to work if I had to.
I’m grateful Grady didn’t feel the need to interrogate me when I arrived on his doorstep. We tossed out a few words to one another, bullshit mostly, and then he muttered good night and shut himself in his room. I sat alone in the dark living room for hours until exhaustion—mental and otherwise—finally took its toll. I doubt I got more than a few hours’ sleep at most.
Groaning as I rise, I attempt to stretch out the kinks, walking on stocking feet into the kitchen. Grady’s place is small but functional; tiny living room and galley style kitchen, only bedroom and bath down the short hall, and a loft area upstairs that serves as an office space. It’s the perfect bachelor pad. One that would be ideal for me in my current situation, I muse.
We settle at the round two-person table with cups of steaming coffee in hand. Grady shoots me a questioning look over the rim as he takes a sip. Like me, my baby brother isn’t one for unnecessary small talk. Guess we come by this honestly, since Ma is just the same as we are. And yet, I’m not surprised when he inquires, “You and Chantal split?”
I nod. “Yeah. It’s been a long time coming.”
Grady nods, running his hands through his hair in a way that reminds me of Merrick. The pain is instant and intense. Just thinking about him and what transpired between us makes me want to punch something. Or cry. Cry buckets.
“I’m not surprised. You two always seemed like you were tolerating one another.”
His statement rings true, even if it smarts. “You’re probably right.”
“You seeing someone else?”
The vice around my heart tightens and it’s almost a struggle to take a breath. “No.” That one small word makes my eyes fill and an overwhelming sense of betrayal settles over me. “Not anymore.” Shoving my cup aside, I feel the truth barreling down upon me. The time for hiding and running has come and gone. I’m sick to death of pretending like Merrick doesn’t mean anything to me, and that I haven’t given him my heart completely. We may no longer be together, our future may be shot to hell, but the days of fudging the truth have come and gone. “I’m….. I’m in love with someone, though.” Grady’s brows lift in question, then pull together in a frown as he watches me fidget in my chair. Still, he waits me out, giving me time to form the words I need to say. Giving me strength in his silence.
Rising, I shove my hands in my pockets and put some distance between us. I have no idea what my brother’s views are on gay people, but I sure as hell don’t want to be next to him if he decides to throw a punch. He’s my height, but he’s got ten pounds or so of muscle that I’ll never have. Even though we’ve never been the type of siblings to hit one another, I don’t want to assume that’s not the case today. This unchartered territory has me sweating bullets. With that, there is the knowledge that I hardly know my own brother, which only adds another layer of pain to the enormous amount I’m already carrying. It’s crippling.
Something like determination—or maybe simple stubbornness—begins to bubble to the surface. I owe it to Merrick, and to myself as well, to own the truth about what we are.What we…were. I have to make things right….with every single person in my life. Starting this very moment.
“I’m in love….. with Merrick.”
Grady’s brows rise again, then he sits back against his chair and folds his arms across his chest. He doesn’t lash out. Doesn’t condemn me or speak words of hate. In fact, his mouth tips up in a playful smirk, as if he’s fully aware of this secret I’ve been keeping for the better part of a year, and finds my sudden confession amusing.
“You don’t seem surprised.”
He shrugs. “I’m not. It seemed to me like there was something between the two of you at the barbeque that day.” His grin widens. “I was picking up on a lot of sexual tension.”
I can feel my face heating at his comment. And here we thought we were so good at shielding our emotions that day.Every day. “Does it bother you?”
“What? That you’re in love with a man?” I nod once, and can feel my face warming with embarrassment. “Hell no it doesn’t bother me. Good for you, brother.”
I’m shocked at his easy acceptance. Shocked…. and grateful. Other than Merrick’s friends, no one outside the small circle has been clued in to the fact that Merrick and I are more than just friends.Were more, I remind myself. As before, the pain from the thought alone almost drops me to my knees.
“I appreciate your understanding. Not sure if Ma will be so open minded though.” I’m not even quite so certain why I’m airing this truth about myself now. It’s not as if I’m attracted to anyothermen. Just Merrick. Always Merrick. After the way I fucked us over this morning, he and I are now nothing more than a precious memory to be spoken about in the past tense.
“I wouldn’t be so sure if I were you. She took my news like a champ when I told her that I’m gay my sophomore year of high school.”
My mouth drops to the floor. “Uh…what?”
Snickering, he pauses to take a sip, then shrugs. “Just what I said. I’m gay.”
“Since high school?”
He shakes his head. “Since always.”
