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“Dead.” He turned and walked away, effectively dismissing me. “Besides, it’s not as if you’re making love to the girl.” Yeah. It was just fucking. Or at least that’s what I told myself. Only now, it’d be fucking with an audience.
The night passed in a restless sleep – if I slept at all. It sure didn’t feel like it. My mind kept focusing on what Mila’s reaction would be when she realized what was happening. We didn’t have a choice if we wanted to live. And if I knew Mila as well as I thought I did, she’d do whatever it took to survive. I just wasn’t sure how much of my soul I would have to sacrifice. Maybe I had made a mistake, joining the Kingsnakes. Maybe it would’ve been better to end up homeless and penniless, instead of permanently marked by this damned gang.
But when I looked at my sisters, I knew I had made the right call. I might have paid the price with my own heart, but at least these two young girls were protected from the worst of the world. For now at least. I was unfocused during our morning routine, exhausted from my sleepless night.
Avery had to call me three or four times to get my attention. We sat at the scuffed dining room table, working through an old poetry book I had found in the motel. Every other morning we devoted ourselves to English – grammar, reading, and writing. The alternating mornings were math. And in the afternoons, after lunch, we would work on basic survival skills. So many of us were caught off guard after the Collapse, ill-prepared to be self-sustainable.
I refused to let my sisters end up helpless. I wanted them to be able to rely on themselves, and each other, if anything were to happen to me. Our day dragged on, the old watch on my wrist making each minute feel like an hour.
But eventually the sun began to set, and I pressed a kiss to each of the girls’ foreheads and told them goodnight. I was a man walking to the gallows, a prisoner attending his own execution. Each creak of the rickety fire escape reminded me of where I was going, and what I was about to do. I hoped like hell Mila would forgive me.
I knocked on the door to the motel, opening to reveal Tybalt’s scowling face. Thankfully no excuses were necessary this time. “Brother Prospero.” I met his stare with an intimidating glare. The Kingsnakes responded to confidence, something I had quickly picked up. “Brother Tybalt. I hope the day was… uneventful for you.”
He didn’t respond, simply turned away and left me to enter the motel on my own. I locked the door behind me and found my way to the common room. Ceremony nights were fairly lax on timing, as long as the brothers checked in and out with Luke or one of the other senior Kingsnakes. I had dragged my feet leaving the apartment, so I wasn’t surprised that only Luke remained in the common room after Tybalt disappeared upstairs.
“Brother Prospero,” Luke greeted me. “Are you ready for your Ceremony?” I sucked in a breath through my teeth.
“As I’ll ever be.” Climbing the stairs to the bedrooms felt like it took years, each step as impossible as Everest. But eventually we found ourselves in front of Mila’s room. Luke tipped his head, a soft smile ghosting across his lips. “After you.” I gathered all my strength and opened Mila’s door.
She sat on the edge of her bed, her camping lantern efficiently lighting the small space. When she saw me, she smiled. But when she saw who was behind me, her smile dropped completely. “Brother Brutus?” she questioned.
“Hello, Mila. I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve asked Brother Prospero if I can be a silent observer during your Ceremony tonight. I’m sure you understand we need to see how loyal you both are to the Kingsnakes after your littlemishapyesterday.” He smiled, but his sickly charm couldn’t hide the venom. He enjoyed toying with us.
Mila frowned. “You… you want to watch us have sex?”
Luke laughed, the artificial sound filling Mila’s small bedroom. “As I said to Brother Prospero, it’s not as if you two are making love on your wedding night.” I cringed at the mention of a wedding night – a night I had long anticipated, but would never get to experience. Mila was quiet, thinking for a moment before she responded. “If I decline?”
Luke stopped laughing. “Then you’ll no longer be welcome here. Of course, we can’t let you go back into the world freely, either.” The underlying threat was clear as day.
You’ll let me watch, or I’ll kill you.
“Fine.” Mila flung herself back on the bed. “Let’s get this over with then.” This was going to be ten times more difficult than I had originally anticipated.
Luke shut the door, standing in the corner with his arms crossed. He was seriously just going to stand there and watch me fuck her. When I stared at him, and he did nothing but stare back, I had my answer.
I turned toward Mila, doing my best to ignore Luke’s eyes drilling holes into my back. I stripped off my sweater and T-shirt, being careful to leave my mask in place.
When I crawled over Mila to straddle her on the bed, her eyes trailed over my bare chest, taking in the snake tattoo reminding everyone of who I was. Her gaze climbed, meeting my eyes behind my bone mask. A question reflected back at me, unspoken, but hanging in the air just the same. I unbuttoned my jeans, pushing them over my hips, and did the same for Mila as she lay there, silently watching me.
I left her shirt on. Luke could force us to do this while he watched, but he didn’t need to see everything. I nudged her legs wider with my knees, resting a hand on either side of her face. “Look at me, Mila,” I whispered. My words were barely more than a breath, enough for her to hear, but not loud enough Luke would be able to discern them from across the room. “Look at me.” Her brilliant green eyes met mine, wary and unsure.
“Do you trust me?” I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t. Look where she was, what I was making her do. But she nodded, never once taking her eyes off me. Luke’s presence lurked behind me, and I did my best to ignore him, putting him out of my mind. I had to, for Mila’s sake. I couldn’t say much else with Luke watching so closely, but I didn’t need words to communicate with Mila. I never had.
We had spent nights in her bed, Olivia on the other side of the thin dorm wall, having entire conversations without speaking once. If only a university roommate was our only problem now...It’s just you and me, babydoll, I pleaded silently.Keep your eyes on me. Nothing else matters right now. Just you and me.I couldn’t be certain, but I was sure she knew what I meant.
Just you and me, she would say, if she could. There was no way she would’ve admitted such a thing if we weren’t in this situation, but everything was different now. I reached between her legs, not expecting to find her ready for me, and cursing when I found she was wet all the same.You and me, I thought, spreading her desire around her pussy, fitting myself to her entrance.
Mila looked up at me, putting her hand directly on top of my tattoo and gave me the smallest of nods.It’s okay, her green eyes reassured.It’s okay.
It wasn’t, and I wasn’t sure it’d ever be okay again. But with her blessing, I pushed myself inside her. It felt wrong, to enjoy the feeling of her tight pussy while we were being forced to have sex, but I couldn’t control my groan. Mila’s eyes fluttered back, even though she was silent. I knew she was enjoying it, but she wouldn’t give Luke an ounce of satisfaction, either.
My tough fucking girl. The one who laughed in the face of danger, and reassured me when I was doing terrible things. I would never deserve her, not in a thousand lifetimes.
But this? Making her feel good, forgetting the messed-up world we inhabited?
That I could do, even if it was just for a moment. I began to thrust inside her, watching her face for cues of what she needed from me. I drove myself deeper, her mouth curving into a perfect “o” of pleasure. Her hips rose up to meet mine, and together we found our tempo, just as we had always done. I could imagine the noises she would make if it were just the two of us. The small cries I would swallow with my kisses, and the curses of passion as her orgasm built with each thrust of my cock. I could imagine it so clearly, in tune with the way her body responded to mine, and eventually everything began to slip away.
I forgot Luke was watching me fuck Mila.
