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We were quiet as we walked the blocks back to the apartment. It wasn’t far, thankfully. “What did you tell Mrs. Mullins?” I asked.
“I told her you were at the bar with some friends,” she murmured. Smart girl. The bar was one place men still hung out, despite all the problems with the world. I personally didn’t go, but Mrs. Mullins wouldn’t question it.
I shook my head. “Still. I can’t believe she let you go to the bar by yourself at night.”
We rounded the corner to our apartment, and Avery paused at the bottom of the fire escape. “What choice did she have, Ray? What choice do any of us have?”
God, she was too damn young to be so wise. She deserved to have a real childhood, a chance at youth. Not this. I followed her up the ladder to our floor, where Mrs. Mullins was pacing our living room. Ella was tossing and turning on the couch. “Nice of you to show up,” my neighbor snapped at me. “Just like a man to be out drinking and avoiding his responsibilities.”
I wanted to snap back, and tell her exactly what I was doing, but that would only lead to more problems. So I kept my mouth shut, and smiled at the old woman. “I appreciate you staying with Ella. It’s late, and I’m sure you want to get home. Thanks again.”
I quickly ushered Mrs. Mullins back to the fire escape, with her muttering about disappointing young people the entire way. Some things never changed, even with the end of the world. I locked the windowdoor behind her, and turned back to Avery with a sigh. “Thank you for thinking enough to leave someone with your sister, but my God that woman drives me crazy.” Avery flashed me a quick smile from next to the couch.
“Tell me about it. I got a ten minute lecture about not brushing my hair before I could leave.” I joined Avery on the floor, pressing the back of my hand to Ella’s forehead. Avery was right. She was burning up. Coughs and sniffles we could handle, no problem. But fevers… fevers could be dangerous. “We need to get her into the shower.”
I picked Ella up into my arms, and raced over to the shower, praying there’d be enough water. She barely opened her eyes as I ran, mumbling incoherent words. She was still conscious, so that was a good sign. We couldn’t afford the doctor to come out here in the middle of the night unless it was absolutely necessary. Medicine was hard to find, so we were going to have to break it the old- fashioned way, and hope for the best.
I didn’t bother taking either of our clothes off as I turned on the tap full blast, sending up silent thanks when the cool water came rushing out of the shower head. I sat with Ella on the cracked floor of the shower, rocking her slender body like I did when she was a baby. I could hear Avery out in the kitchen, opening cupboards. She was a smart kid, and if anything happened to me, I knew she’d take care of Ella as best as she could. I don’t know how long we sat in the shower. Long enough for the water to weaken from a steady stream to a weaker drizzle.
Goosebumps covered my arms, but when I pressed my hand to Ella’s forehead, it was cooler than before. I shut the tap off, and carried her to her bedroom, stripping off her wet clothes and dressing her in the lightest nightgown I could find in her drawer.
Her fever breaking was a good sign, but we weren’t over the worst of it yet. “Here.” Avery came up behind me, carrying damp towels. “You get changed, and I’ll handle this.” I nodded.
“Thanks.” I ran back into the bathroom, changing into dry clothes as quickly as I could. By the time I made it back to the girls’ room, Avery was sitting on the bed next to Ella, brushing her hair. She had put a cool towel around each of her thighs, and around the back of her neck – just like we had done with our mom.
She looked up at me. “She doesn’t seem as agitated. I think she’s actually sleeping now.” I put my hand to her cheek. Still warm, but definitely cooler than before. “If she’s still hot in the morning, I’ll get the doctor. Right now, all we can do is wait.” I sat on the floor, resting my head against what used to be my bed.
I pressed my fingers to Ella’s wrist every so often, making sure she didn’t start getting warm again. Beside her, Avery was quiet for so long, I thought she had fallen asleep.
“Ray?” Avery whispered.
Guess not. “Yeah?”
“Did you meet a girl? At the motel, I mean. I know you’re not supposed to, but...” she trailed off, embarrassed.
I wanted to laugh, but I couldn’t. Because she was right. “Why do you think that?”
“You leave the house earlier, and come home later. And you don’t seem to be as sad when you come home either. Sometimes you’re even smiling. So I just hoped...”
I didn’t respond right away. Would she even remember? “It’s Mila.” The bed shifted with a creak as Avery sat up. “Mila, your college girlfriend you thought was dead, Mila?” This time I couldn’t stop my laughter. “How do you even remember Mila?”
“I don’t, really. But I heard you and mom talking about her.” Avery was quiet, but I could practically hear her gears turning.
“Spit it out.”
“Do you still love her?”
I took a deep breath in. “It’s not that simple anymore, Avery. Love isn’t just love.” Of course I still loved her. How could I not? Mila was my flickering of light in the growing darkness. She was a drug I don’t think I had ever gotten over. But divulging this to my little sister just seemed weird.
“You should tell her you love her.” I wanted to scold her, but hearing her sound so hopeful about something made my heart swell.
I smiled to myself. “You’re impossible, you know that? I’ll tell you what, if we make it to the morning in one piece, I’ll tell Mila I love her.”
“Promise?” she whispered.
“I promise.”
We sat like that until dawn, quietly sitting in our own feelings and thoughts. Avery and I took turns wetting the towels, making sure they stayed cool for Ella. Just before the sun broke through the night, Ella turned over in bed.
“Ray?” she asked sleepily. “What are you doing in my bedroom?” I wanted to swing her round the room and kiss her forehead until she screamed for me to stop.
Instead I just rose to my knees and gave her a smile. “Just checking in on one of my two favorite girls.”
She smiled back before closing her eyes and drifting back into an easy sleep. Avery met my gaze over Ella’s sleeping body. “Go. I’ve got this. And you’ve got a promise to keep.”
One way or another, these women were going to be the death of me.
