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“Yeah.”
We stand there for a moment in silence, awkwardly looking at each other from opposite sides of the room before I sigh.
“It turns out they all kind of want this to happen. Who’d have guessed.” She tries to joke, but her smile doesn’t reach her eyes.
“What doyouwant, Mik?”
Her voice is a whisper. “I - erm - I don’t know.”
“I think you do know.” I step around the counter and move slowly towards her. I don’t want to let her back away now, not when she’s already changed me so much. “I think you’re just afraid to admit it again. Now that we’ve crossed that line.”
“Why would I be afraid?” Her voice trembles and I want to hold her, to brush away the worries that are swimming behind her eyes. I don’t though.
“First there’s our history. And then there’s the fact that even I’m scared of how easy this feels between us. You’re afraid of how relaxed you’ve been. Not to mention Jamie.” I’m towering over her now. “The list goes on and on, Mikaela. You’re scared. And I am too.”
When my fingertips skim over her cheek and my thumb brushes over her lips she closes her eyes. I feel the warmth of her breath on my skin as I lean in to her and kiss her softly.
Her body responds instantly. Her fingers are pressed against my chest as her lips part and my hand presses against her spine, pulling her closer to me. When we part, I rest my forehead against hers. Neither of us open our eyes as we stand like this, simply existing in the silence around us and the mingling of our breath.
“I’m scared of what happens when Jamie finds out,” she admits.
I nod. “We’re going to have to tell him at some point, Mik.”
Especially now.
She’s breaking as she whispers, “he won’t understand.”
We’ll make him understand.
“Maybe not,” I admit. “But he doesn’t have to.”
Mikaela
We’re a tangle of limbs on Ben’s couch, wrapped in a blanket as we lay quietly. A film plays as the pattering of rain against glass soothes me. My head is on his chest and his arms are wrapped around me and I stare out of the window at the city sprawled out beneath us. My meltdown this morning is now nothing but a blotch in the fabric of our day. A blotch caused by my inability to tell Ben what really scares me.
“Mik?” Ben’s hand brushes over my hair and I close my eyes.
“Mhmm?”
“The scar on your stomach. Where did you get that?”
I know he feels it as I tense with the memory, but he waits. I know if I chose not to tell him, he’d respect that.
“I don’t have a spleen,” I state simply. His brow furrows and he twists his face to see me better.
“Well that would explain part of it.”
I laugh a little and he smiles. As painful flashes of red and blue lights flashing in broken glass echo in my mind, I relax back into his hold with a sigh.
“It was a car accident. M- someone rammed into me. It got pretty scary for a while and I lost my spleen. Jamie helped me. Found me somewhere I was able to heal, get some help. He stayed with me for a little while before coming back, and then when I was ready, I just… I moved in with Jamie.”
Ben tightens his arms around me as my words sink in. Nothing I’ve said is untrue, but there’s a wave of guilt that threatens to pull me under as I dance around the full story.
“Spleens aren’t important anyway,” he declares.
I laugh as I push up to look at him and he grins.
“Yeah.” I kiss him quickly. “They kinda are.”
