AllFreeNovel
Share Us
A ventilator. That’s what it’s called. The machine helping her breathe is a ventilator. In the morning they’ll try to take her off of it. But for now, while she’s lying in the post-op suite, wires running out of her and tubes pushing into her, her face bruised and torn and her skin a deathly white, a machine is helping her to breathe.
I want to soothe her. I want to run my fingers through her hair like Mom used to but I can’t. I can’t because there’s white gauze wrapped around her scalp and the doctors said she’d needed stitches.
I’m not sure how long I sit with her before I fall asleep, but at some point I do. And when I do, I dream of it. I dream of him.
His face, his eyes, his car.
I dream of the moment he decided to smash his car into the drivers side of the tiny heap of junk my sister scraped coins together to buy.
I dream of her scream as the door crumples, and her tears as the fire department try to cut her out. I dream of the stranger who watched it all unfold and waited with her until the police came.
I dream of Matthew stumbling out of his car, unscathed. Sitting on the sidewalk, crying.
I dream of it all until a sharp beeping noise pulls me out of one nightmare and into another.
“Get him out of here!” A doctor shouts over her shoulder as she pushes hard on Mikaela’s chest and someone pulls me from the room.
Blinds are drawn and time is frozen and I am left to wait.
I am left to wait to find out if my world will cease to exist.
Present
“He wasn’t driving, Mik.” I spit the words with all my anger as Ben glares at me.
I know what he thinks: I’m destroying me and her all over again, I’m letting go of my sister out of spite and anger and disappointment. And maybe he’s right. Maybe I am doing all of that, but I know something Ben doesn’t. I know Mikaela will stay this time.
I know that we’re stronger than before.
“What - what do you mean?” Her eyes dart between us both and I watch as she takes a step back.
“When Mom died. He lied, Mik. We both did.” I stare directly at him as his shoulders tense and his eyes darken. “He lied to save my ass. I was driving that night. I crashed his car. Ben was in the passenger seat, and he lied. You brought him to see Mom and he was lying to you. You’refuckinghim and he is lying to you.”
“I don’t understand.” Mikaela is shaking, the chill from the evening air only amplified by my confession.
“Mik.” Ben turns to her and moves quickly, his fingers splaying over her hips as she shakes her head over and over. I want to punch him. “Mik, I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you, but you were in so much pain and I thought - I thought it was the right thing to do. I wanted to tell you. I did.”
“But you didn’t.” Her voice is low and whispered and drowning in anguish. “Or you would have told me.”
“Mik.” He ducks to her level.
“Get out.” She steps back and he lets go.
“Wait please, Mik.”
I’ve never seen Ben beg before. It sinks in my stomach.
“I said get out!” The volume knocks the breath from me. Mikaela isn’t a shouter. She never has been, not once growing up, never with Matthew. Not even when Mom died. But now? This? I’ve made a mistake.
“Mikaela.” I choke on my own voice.
“Both of you! Get out. Now!” She shoves at Ben’s chest with one hand, tears streaming as he moves towards her and his own tears begin to fall. “Get the fuck out!”
Withthedoorslammedin our faces, we both stand in silence. Ben stares numbly at the door as I stare at my feet, shame flooding through me.
“Shoes.”
He looks at me in a blind stupor. “What?”
“Your shoes. And your top. They’re in there.”
He nods as his eyes drift back to her door.
I sigh. “I’ll drive you home.”
