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“When my mom died, Jamie wasn’t there. I called and I called and he didn’t answer. And she begged for him, Sephy. Her last words were just his name over and over. She wanted her son and he wasn’t there. And then I found out he was in the hospital all along. They’d been in an accident. Drink driving. Ben said he was driving.”
“I take it he wasn’t?”
I shake my head as my tears spill, my mothers croaked whisper is stuck in my throat.
“And he just told you.”
“No,” I whimper. “Jamie did.”
For a moment Sephy doesn’t say anything. She just processes it all and lets me sit in my pain.
“What happened after Ben told you he was driving?”
I look at her and shake my head. Why are we rehashing the past when the present is the problem?
“Just trust me, Mik. It’s important.”
“I cut them both off. I didn’t see Ben for five years and I didn’t speak to Jamie for three.”
“Okay. And you were with Matthew?”
I nod as more tears come and Sephy moves closer, her hand rubbing gentle circles against my spine.
“Things were bad then. I had no one and Matthew used that to keep me stuck. And one night I just - I couldn’t handle it and I called J. He drove for hours to get to me and I -” My throat closes with the weight of the memory. “I panicked and I wouldn’t let him in. I pushed him away again.” My whole body is shaking. “We’ve only just got each other back.”
Sephy takes one of my hands in both of hers and waits for me to look at her. “If Jamie had told you he was driving, what would you have done differently?”
I stare.
“What would it have changed, Mik?” Her tone is persistent and my chest is tight. I know what it would have changed. I also know what would have stayed the same.
“I don’t know if I would have called Jamie two years ago.”
“Okay.” She nods as she smiles. “So Ben’s lie meant you were able to bring your brother back into your life?”
I rock forwards and place my forehead against my hands.
“I guess.” I sniffle.
“Do you think maybe that’s why he did it?”
I shrug and Sephy laughs.
“I don’t know, Sephy.”
“Do you think maybe you can get past the lie if you knew it was to protect you? To protect you both?”
I groan as I feel her shifting and Sephy sighs.
“It’s not an excuse, Mik. I’m not saying it was right. But I am saying that maybe he had his reasons.” Her voice is light as she pulls one hand to my hair, brushing through it to comfort me as I lean into her touch.
“He should have told me.” It’s a weak defence, but it’s all I have.
“And you would have left him before he had a chance to explain.”
“You know, I should have called Max,” I grumble.
“He would have been just as dramatic as you are, Mik.”
