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“What?” I twist to look at my brother, still reeling from Matthew’s presence, and note the distant look in his eyes.
“I did.”
I turn back to Ben. His eyes are closed.
“What?” My voice is quiet.
“I told him, Mik.” Jamie sighs. “After I - erm - after you two - when I found out. I told him.”
I move slowly, removing myself from Ben’s embrace as I sit up and twist to face Jamie. I wipe my face, brushing away tears as they fall, and take a deep breath.
“How much?” My voice wavers and my breathing is shaky.
“Mik.” He glances up to me through tear stained lashes.
“How much, Jamie?”
Jamie closes his eyes as his own cry sticks in his throat. “Bits and pieces.”
I nod slowly and feel Ben behind me, his body leaning towards me as he tries to comfort me, his hand pressing gently against my spine, and I wrap my arms around myself.
When I close my eyes I try to put myself in his shoes. I try to revisit every painful memory, every bruise and fight and scar, through Jamie’s eyes. I try to recall those memories of whispered phone calls as if I had received them; as if I had listened while the person I love most in the world, the person I lost once before, begged for help. Begged for someone to just get him out of the hell he was living in. How I would have felt if, when I’d shown up to help, he’d refused to let me in. I try to imagine it was Jamie’s burden that I carry.
The weight of it is crushing.
When I lay back beside Ben he makes no move to touch me and guilt gnaws at my skin. He is in so much pain - too much to hold me through this - so I take his hand in mine and squeeze gently.
“Okay, then I guess you have questions I should answer,” I sigh as Ben brings my knuckles to his lips.
“You don’t have to, Mikaela.” He smiles sweetly at me and I run my fingers up his arm and shake my head.
“I kind of do though. Just, maybe not right now?”
“Not now,” Ben agrees.
Behind me, Jamie sighs and I hold out my hand. He takes it instantly and we wait like this together.
Ben
“Mom.” I groan as Mikaela laughs and runs her fingers through my hair.
The nurses helped me get into a seated position a little while ago, and now Mikaela is curled up beside me, carefully distant in her touch but still connected, and I never want to let her go.
“Mikaela Wilcox.” She pats Mik’s hand gently. “Honestly, I’m just glad he got it together in time. It was a constant worry he’d still be a mess and you’d find your Prince Charming.”
I grunt a weak denial and Mikaela smiles sweetly before pressing a kiss into my cheek.
A light rap on the door pulls our attention away from the playful teasing - teasing that has been lifting Mikaela out of her panic - to the officer standing behind a nurse. My stomach drops.
“I thought you guys said Benjamin could give you a statement when he’s better?” Mom squares her shoulders and sits taller as her eyes roam over the man who won’t smile.
I shake my head gently as Mikaela disengages her fingers from my own and apologises quietly.
“I’m so sorry, Mrs Haston.” She slips from the bed and takes a step towards the man in the doorway. “I just need to deal with this. I’ll be right back.”
As Mik moves towards the door and away from me, I reach out, wrapping my fingers around her wrist and stopping her in her tracks.
She closes her eyes.
