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Chapter ten
Mikaela
“What the fuck happened?”
My eyes snap away from the sidewalk at the sound of his voice and I stop moving. Ben’s eyes burn into me while the sound of sirens in the distance wail, like a warning that came too little, too late. My chest aches.
Why are you here, Ben?
Slowly, I find my footing and push forwards, stepping around him without another word as he watches me intently. My heart hammers in my chest and tears threaten me with the all too familiar sting of fear, but I keep my head high.
I will not let him see me crumble, even now; even with the angry red marks of fingers burning against my arm like a brand that I willneverbe able to forget and the stickiness of dried blood clinging to the skin of my back.
“Mik?” He pushes himself to his feet, and follows me into the building. The silence is deafening and shame floods through me as he fails to pull his eyes away from the tear in my dress that exposes too much of my skin.
“Go home, Ben.” There’s a break in my voice; a drain that I can’t quite plug before I speak, and he clenches his fist, no doubt registering the defeat beneath my words. “Please.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” He takes my keys from me as I fumble, my hands shaking despite my resolve, and crouches down to my eye level. “Did he do this?”
“Why the fuck do you care?” I look away, the venom I had intended missing, as the tears finally come.
He hesitates for just a second before placing his fingertips beneath my chin and lifting my eyes to his.
“Mikaela.”
I know he heard it. I know he heard how I whimpered when he touched me.
Ben
The tiny cry that slips through her lips is agonising.
She won’t look at me.
“I need you to tell me what happened, because right now I -” I clear my throat as I close my eyes. In the darkness it’s worse. I can picture hands on her skin. I can see her as she’s pulling away, fear in her eyes. I can imagine it all and my imagination is slowly killing me. “Did he - did he make you do anything?”
“No.” She shakes her head quickly and a sigh of relief washes over me like stormy ocean waves as I gently brush away her tears. Her eyes meet mine. “But he - Ben - he was so angry.”
She shakes violently as a sob rips from her chest and she heaves for breath that just won’t come.
My arms encase her, holding her against me, as we sink to the floor. Over and over, I stroke her hair and rock her gently. I hold her as her nails dig into my skin and as she trembles with every cry. I hold on to her as she drowns in pain.
As she clings to me, it takes every ounce of focus I have to keep my rage from bursting out of me; to keep the fury and anger and agony from spilling out and twisting me into someone unrecognisable.Focusing on her fingers, on the pressure of her nails digging into my skin, I close my eyes.Focusing on the way her shaking calms and her sobs become whimpers, I take a deep breath. Focusing on what she needs now - someone to tell her she’s okay and to mean it, someone to keep her safe - I find a way to keep calm.
“I’ve got you.” I whisper as my lips brush against her hair. “You’re okay now. You’re okay.”
She presses closer against me, her grip tightening and her heart pounding against my skin, and I breathe her in.
I can do this.
I can hold her until she doesn’t need to be held.
Mikaela
When there are no more cries left in my throat and the river of tears has ebbed to an end, he is still holding me.
I don’t move. I don’t try to push him away. Instead, I keep my eyes closed and listen to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat as his fingertips gently brush against my arm.
His voice has been constant and now, as silence settles over us, a fresh wave of fear twists in my gut.
