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“I’m not talking to the police.” She cuts me off quickly and brings her empty plate to the sink.
Of course she knows what I’m thinking.
I slump forwards and she turns on the tap. “Just think about it, Mik. He hurt you. Your back is scratched and torn and the bruises…” My throat grows thick and my heart hammers with my words.
It isn’t until Mikaela turns to me with fire in her eyes that I snap out of the pain of it all.
“Why does it matter to you, Ben?” She quietly seethes at my concern as she storms past me and back up to her bed.
Hearing the scrape of my chair as I push myself up to follow only seems to spur her anger.
She’s tired, and in pain, and afraid.And now I’m forcing her to feel what she doesn’t want to feel.
Guilt eats away at me as I speak, but she needs to hear it. Someone needs to say it.
“It matters to me, Mik, because, believe it or not,youmatter to me.” I speak softly despite her rage. “You have marks all over your body from what he did to you and I hate it. I hate knowing he is out there right now and nothing is going to happen to him if you don’t speak to them. I hate knowing he could hurt someone else, Mik, but mostly, I hate that he could hurt you again.”
“You’re right, Ben. I have marks onmybody.” Her words come out like acid, burning me as she chokes them up and spits them out. She faces me with tears streaming and as I step towards her she pushes me back.
“Mik.” I step forwards again, my hands outstretched as I reach for her, only for her palms to slap at my chest again. This time I don’t step back and she closes her eyes.
Her voice wavers with pain but her volume remains low. “I have physical reminders of the fact I was tooweakto push him away from me. I have the reminder that I had his hands on me without my consent. The last thing I want to do now, the last thing Ineedto do, is relive it when I already see him every time I close my eyes. When I know how little will be done about it when it’s his word against mine.” When she glances up at me there are pleas in the set of her mouth, the darkness of her eyes. She needs me to say I understand, even if I don’t. “I didn’t get to choose what happened to me last night, Ben, but I get to choose what I do about it and I want to choose to move on with my life.”
She stands there for a moment, waiting for a response, before she realises her hands are still pressed against my chest. She pulls back quickly, moving her hand to her wrist and instinctively rubbing the bruises there.
“Okay,” I sigh, my entire world crumbling as she moves away from me, and I watch her open drawers and ready herself for the day.
She rummages through her belongings, pushing aside shirts that don’t have long sleeves or that are too sheer to cover her wounds and my chest aches with every discarded option. “What are you doing?”
Mikaela moves to the bedside unit and picks up the small, silver ring she wears constantly, slipping it onto her middle finger with a frown before turning to face where I stand uncomfortably at the foot of her bed.
“Jamie will be here in an hour. We’re visiting Mom.” Her eyes soften as she tries to smile and I nod.
Today is not the day to push this then.
“I’ll get out of your way then.” I move back to the living area and pick up my jacket from where I threw it over the couch. “Need me to do anything before I go?”
She simply shakes her head and watches as I make my move to leave.
Mikaela
“Okay.” His eyes are shimmering and the steady rise and fall of his chest seems to falter when the word comes out.
Pain.
Since I stumbled home to Ben last night he has been in pain too. His fingers wrap around the door handle and as he pulls it open, I feel my chest tightening and my own pain resurfacing. I rush forwards three steps, until I’m standing at the edge of my makeshift bedroom, longing to take the next few steps and reach out to him.
“You could come with us.”Now that the words are out of my mouth I feel the flush of embarrassment. I heard the desperation there. I feel the way my chest aches for him not to leave. But I can’t admit that I want him to stay here and hold me until Jamie comes. I shouldn’t want that. “I mean, only if you want to?”
Ben pauses in the doorway.
“Mom would probably like that.” I tack on the justification with a huff and Ben turns to me with a sad smile.
“I need to get changed.” He glances back to the door.
My heart thuds and I nod.
“I’ll be back in an hour. Okay?”
