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Chapter twelve
Mikaela
The drive never takes long, but I twist in my seat as anxiety builds in my chest before we even set off. I say nothing to Jamie about last night as I slip into the back seat of his car, and I pray I won’t have to.
“Why are you getting in the back?” Jamie laughs as he pushes his sunglasses up his nose.
“Because I-” My reply is cut short by the image of Ben hurtling down my street, three coffees balanced precariously in a cardboard holder, weaving past a group of speed walking moms.
“I’m here. I’m here!” By the time he skids to a halt beside Jamie and glances apologetically down at me, he’s out of breath. “Sorry I’m late. The cafe around the corner had a bigger queue than I thought it would.”
I swallow hard.
He looks good. The deep burgundy of the long sleeve jersey emphasises the hard lines of his body. His sleeves are rolled slightly in the brisk air of the day and the front is tucked haphazardly into his dark jeans, giving an impression of looking good without trying.
I smile warmly for the first time all morning as my eyes run over him and my hands reach for a cup. His smile in return is heart breaking, and suddenly I don’t care that he pushed me away this morning. He also agreed to visit Mom just because I asked and even though the idea of bringing him to her lodges tears in the back of my throat, it also makes my heart feel a little lighter, as if I’ve been carrying too much weight for a little too long until right now.
“That’s okay,” I muse. “Jamie was fifteen minutes late anyway. Thank you for the coffee.”
Jamie stares at me. He doesn’t move to get into the car, or look at his best friend, or take a coffee. He just stares as I gaze up at Ben and smile. In the years he and Ben have been friends I am sure he could count the times I have been genuinely nice to Ben on one hand. And none of those times happened in the last five years. Not to mention the fact Ben has clearly been invited without his knowledge and the topic of our mother has been off limits between Ben and I. It has been that way for years. Jamie isn’t even allowed to utter our mother’s name in the same sentence as Benjamin Haston.
Or at least he wasn’t.
Until now.
“Well.” Ben extends a cup towards Jamie. “Let’s go then, shall we?”
“Right.” Jamie blinks a few times and I look over to him for the first time since Ben’s arrival. “I’m sorry, what?”
I close the car door with a roll of my eyes and Ben grins. “I said ‘let’s go’.”
“Yeah, I got that, but what are you doing here?” Jamie climbs into the drivers seat as he asks and Ben glances at me, unsure of what to say.
“He’s here because I thought it would be nice, Jamie. I’m making an effort, just like you asked me to.” Impatience marsmy voice and guilt knots in my gut. I remind myself it’s not his fault he’s in the dark. I remind myself to breathe. “Now can we go? Please?”
Acloudofdiscomforthovers over the three of us as we sit in the sounds of radio chatter and chart hits. I stare out of the window, watching as buildings that climb the sides of each other slowly break apart; opening up to wide, green yards and landscapes that seem worlds away from the sprawling city behind us.
Occasionally, I feel the pull of eyes on me and I look ahead, meeting Ben’s gaze in the rearview mirror, or the confused glare of Jamie as he tries and fails to make sense of it all.
Jamie glances between the road, me and Ben all too often. It isn’t subtle.
Time moves very slowly.
“So, Mik.” Jamie checks his mirrors before signalling left and turning onto the winding road that will lead us the rest of the way. “How was your date?” He glances at Ben only to be greeted by a stoic expression as he avoids looking at me.
Jamie’s eyes switch between us again and I feel panic rise. Sometimes he can be very perceptive.
My heart sputters and my eyes dart to Ben before dropping to my lap. I pray silently that what I say now won’t trigger that hero complex of his, one that I’m beginning to both hate and kind of adore, and relief rushes over me when Ben remains silent.
“Not great,” I murmur. “I won’t be seeing him again.”
“Shit, Mik.” Jamie glances back with an apologetic frown and I shift in my seat. “I’m sorry. If it makes you feel any better, his agent called me this morning - pulled out of the deal - so you won’t have to see him at work either.”
Tension I didn’t realise I have been carrying seeps from my pores as I slump back in my chair and close my eyes.
“Thank God,” I breathe and Ben twists in his chair.
“You okay?” His voice is laced with concern and Jamie furrows his brow as he watches me open my eyes and shake my head.
