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“Mik.” He twists in his seat and takes hold of my hands where they sit in my lap. “I really am sorry.”
I shake my head and watch our fingers entwine.
“I know I acted impulsively and I shouldn’t have,” he continues in a steady stream of regret and I feel my heart twisting. “I just - I hated hearing him taunt you like that. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m sorry.”
“Please stop apologising.” It’s just a whisper but my voice still cracks. “You really don’t need to.”
“Then tell me what I need to do, Mik. Please.”
I pull one hand back to wipe away the tears I’m getting tired of, and he waits patiently. That’s something about Ben I never anticipated: his patience.
“You don’t get it. And that’s my fault.” I laugh sadly.
“What don’t I get?” He pulls my knuckles to his lips.
“No one has ever jumped to protect me like that before.” I can’t look at him when I think of all the times I needed someone to step in. All the times I hadn’t let anyone step in. “No one except Jamie, and I just - what if he calls the police, Ben? I’m not worth that.” It’s not the full story, but it’s true all the same.
I hear him suck in a sharp breath and I wait for the knife to drop. I wait for the reality of it all to break me right here, in front of him.
“Mikaela.” He pauses and I hold my breath. “Look at me please.”
I glance up and my heart stumbles. His eyes are burning with so much care that I feel it in the very centre of me; a soft warmth that starts deep in my chest and spreads through my veins.
“You are worth so much more than you think.” He caresses my skin and shifts closer to me. “Why can’t you see just how incredible you are?”
My laugh is dismissive and he narrows his eyes.
“I mean it, Mik. You’re funny and smart. You’re obviously fucking beautiful, you have more balls than most of the men in our office combined and you’ve never been afraid to put me in my place - even as kids. You’re stupidly creative and insanely talented.” I open my mouth to protest and he shakes his head. “I’ve seen your notebooks, Mik, and all the ideas you have. You’re incredible. Youareworth it, Mik. You’re worth everything.” He sighs and I feel it in my bones. “You used to know all of this, Wilcox. What happened?”
Ben’s fingers move to my cheek, holding me as if one caress too heavy might leave me crumbling beneath his touch, and I close my eyes.
The truth is there, lodged in my throat and clawing to get out of me. It tears beneath my skin, drowning itself in the venom left behind, and I try to say it. I really do. My mouth opens, the words hanging between us in a silent string of confessions that have the power to make or break.
Matthew happened.
But that’s it. Just a silent sliver of the truth that won’t come out. Because saying it could break whatever this is. Saying it still has the power to breakme. Instead, I settle for something different. Something that only feels like half a lie.
“I grew up.” I shrug and Ben shakes his head. When he doesn’t say anything else, I pull out of his touch and turn to the world around us. “You know, I think we can safely say we stopped at the stop sign.”
He shakes his head again, this time with a soft laugh, and checks for oncoming traffic before driving again.
The rest of the journey is silent.
Ben
Parking by Mikaela’s is a nightmare. Parking anywhere that doesn’t have its own lot in the city is a nightmare, but Mik’s apartment is in the one place that seems to be pre-populated by tow-zones.
When I swear for the sixth time after finding another no-parking zone, she speaks up.
“You do know there’s a back alley parking bay for my place, right?” Mik bites her lip as she tries to stop herself from smiling and my forehead meets the steering wheel.
“Mikaela.”
“I thought Jamie told you when you crashed move-in day.” She laughs and my head feels a little lighter.
“Why would Jamie have told me that?”
“Because he told you to come.” She shrugs as I straighten up and turn to her.
