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A couple weeks pass in the blink of an eye. At least that’s what it feels like. One night I went to bed and I swear, the next morning, I woke up with a baby bump. Or babies, in this case.
Probably not actually overnight, but it feels that way.
I’ve spent the last few weeks trying to process all the changes in my life, to my body, to my relationships. Because it feels like all of these changes are changing me too.
I woke up an extra hour early today to get in a yoga class at the gym, which made me feel so much better, and then I took my time getting ready for work. Today is a big day.
I’ve spent the last seven years preparing for my career. Studying to pass the bar, planning everything in my life around becoming a lawyer for Johnson and Montgomery. I’ve sacrificed, I've put in my blood, sweat, and tears, and now I’m finally a first-year associate, with a bright future ahead.
And now I’m pregnant withtwins.Not one, but two.
I’m terrified that everything I’ve been working so hard for will take a back burner. To raising babies. Bottles, diapers, playdates, then becoming a soccer mom… and that’s just not the life I ever pictured for myself. It’s part of the reason why I didn’t want a family or children to begin with, because I’ve been so focused on my career that there hasn’t been a time where I thought children or a family would ever fit in that picture.
Logically, I know I won’t be the first lawyer to have kids and still have a successful career; I just don’t want to deviate from my ten-year plan. I want to be a senior partner by the time I’m forty, and somehow, I still have to make that work and also be a great, devoted mother.
Sighing, I curl another piece of my chestnut hair until I’ve finished my whole head. I run a wide-tooth comb through the tight curls, loosening them into a relaxed wave. I go light on the makeup, and pair it with my favorite pencil skirt, blouse and pair of black Louboutin.
God, will I still even be able to wear my favorite patent-leather pumps when I have cankles and a stomach the size of a basketball?
Stop being selfish, Emery, I tell myself as I put on my lip gloss and then walk to the kitchen for my briefcase but pause in front of the long mirror leaning against the wall in my room.
My stomach protrudes slightly against the silk of my blouse. Putting my hand there gently, I talk to the babies like they’ll actually be able to hear me.
“Alright little ones, I need you to make your mama brave today. Wish me luck, because I’ll probably need it.”
Silence meets my request, but I still smile all the same.
I grab my briefcase and am out the door with a smile still on my face.
My office is only a couple blocks from my house, so I decide to walk today. Passing by my favorite coffee shop, I stop in my tracks when I realize that the only thing that got me through law school and preparing for the bar is something I’ll be giving up during pregnancy.
“Hi, what can I get you?” the smiling barista asks as my eyes scan the menu.
“Uh, whatever pregnant women can have?”
She laughs. “How about your normal order and we can make it decaf?”
I nod. At least I can still have coffee… minus that caffeine that I’ve spent the last five years surviving on. For good measure, I order Rob one and then finish the short walk to work.
The building is bustling the second I step through the large grand foyer entrance and take the elevator up to my floor. It seems like everyone is in a hurry to go absolutely nowhere, and maybe they always had, but today just feels different.
I guess I’m noticing now because there are other bigger things happening in my life. Causing me to stop and look at things differently.
It’s crazy how one thing can change the entire course of your life.
The elevator dings, signaling I’ve arrived at my floor, and I get off, holding both coffees.
“Em!” my colleague, Amy, says. She’s been next to my cubicle for a couple of years, and while we have next to nothing in common, she’s always been kind and helpful.
“Hi Amy!” I say cheerfully, plastering a smile on my face.
“Did you hear?”
Her eyes dart around the room as she steps closer and lowers her voice to a hushed tone. “That big time client that Rob is hoping to score? He’s here. He popped in for a surprise visit. I’d head straight there if I was you. Good thing you got him a coffee this morning, I hear he’s in a mood.” She glances down at the cup in my right hand and then gives me a sympathetic look before she scampers back to her desk.
I hardly even have time to set my purse down on my desk when the intercom is beeping.
“Emery, please come to my office now.”
