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My mind was miles away as I watched the cars drive down the narrow streets, listened to the bells toll from the Catholic church a few blocks away. It was a clear night so the stars were visible, but the lack of clouds made it colder than usual.
I should be out drinking or fucking, but I was here…alone.
I’d left Sofia’s apartment a week ago and never returned. I didn’t text or show up on her doorstep. She dumped me, and I had too much respect for myself to chase after her. She was too scared to let me in, but that was her problem.
Even though I missed her like crazy.
Helena knocked on the bedroom door before she came inside. “How was dinner?” She picked up the plate and utensils and shook her head slightly. “Not very good, I take it.” With fair skin and blond hair, she also had a Swedish accent.
“I just don’t have much of an appetite.”
“Not for food, at least.” She glanced at the nearly empty bottle of scotch. “Damien is here to see you. Shall I send him up?”
“Why is he here?”
“No idea. Getting answers from him is like pulling teeth.” She stepped inside and carried the dirty dishes with her. “I’ll send him up.”
I looked at the city once more, suffocated by all the shit in my life. Maddox was becoming a worse enemy than I realized, and I still felt guilty for killing his brother. That plan backfired in my face because I assumed Maddox would cave. When he didn’t, I had to make Miles’s wife a widow.
I was a fucking monster.
Damien stepped onto the patio in a long-sleeved shirt and a jacket. “It’s fucking freezing. Why are you sitting out here like that?” He fell into the chair opposite me, helping himself to the booze on the table. “Trying to catch a cold?”
“I don’t get sick.”
“Alright…trying to freeze to death?”
“I’m never cold.” My fingertips rested against my lips, and I looked at the city.
Damien let the booze wash down his throat. “You’ve been moody all week. What’s up? Are you still pissed about the Maddox thing? Don’t worry, we’ll get that asshole.”
“No.”
“Then what’s got you so bitchy?”
I rubbed my fingertips against my temple, hating myself for allowing a woman to ruin me like this. I was busting my ass for a woman who didn’t give a damn about me. Fucking pathetic. Most women would do anything to earn my affection, but Sofia tossed it away like garbage. How had I let things get so bad?
“You aren’t getting laid?”
“Actually, no.” It would be easy for me to pick up a piece of ass, even pay for it, but the thought never crossed my mind. I was loyal to a woman who wasn’t even mine. She’d turned me into a pussy-whipped dumbass.
He cocked an eyebrow. “What happened with Sofia?”
“She dumped me.” I’d never been dropped by a woman so easily. Normally, I couldn’t get them to leave me the hell alone. But she kicked me to the curb like an afterthought.
“Seriously?”
I nodded.
“When?”
“A week ago.”
“Did she say why?”
It was all my fault. I’d pushed too fast. I wasn’t even sure what came over me. I just wanted her to drop her attitude and open up a bit. “I rushed it.”
“Did you tell her you love her or something…?”
“No. I just… I’m just trying too hard.”
“So, she broke it off with you.”
I nodded. “Her stance on a relationship hasn’t changed since we met. She wants sex…nothing else.”
“That sounds perfect. Why don’t you just leave it alone?”
“Because…I just can’t.” I would never admit this out loud to anyone but Damien. It made me so weak, made me laughable. This woman had broken my heart, and I hadn’t even given it to her yet. We’d been screwing for a relatively short amount of time, but I felt like I’d lost a piece of me. We hadn’t even talked about anything serious, and she hardly knew me. But I felt like I knew her…so damn well.
“If you’re this miserable, why don’t you try to get her back?”
“Because I have too much pride. I’m not gonna chase a woman who dumped me. If she wants me back, she needs to get on her fucking knees and beg.” She’d already done enough damage. No matter how much I wanted her, I wouldn’t cave. “Period.”
“I respect that. But…what if that never happens?”
The idea of never having her again was painful, agonizing. Any other woman would be shit compared to her. But since my hands were tied, I had to let her go. She’d hurt me enough as it was… I wasn’t gonna let her hurt me anymore. “Then it never happens.”
14
Sofia
Complicated.
He made things fucking complicated.
I wanted easy, no strings attached. I wanted someone who meant nothing to me, whom I meant nothing to. Relationships always had the same shelf life. There was always a beginning, a middle, and an end.
