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Fifteen: Come-to-Jesus Moment
Xochitl
It was the first time since she’d read that partial text Lex had sent her way back, that Xochitl had allowed herself to even bring up his number on her phone screen. She’d since replaced the phone she had that night so while his contact info was moved over, his texts weren’t. She’d never get a chance to read them now. Not that it mattered at this point. But after talking to her mother for a good long time last night, she’d made her decision. She was breaking things off with Cadetoday. Except since Lex had gone to bed early and for good reason because he was gone to practice long before she’d gotten out of bed that morning, she didn’t get to mention she’d be gone today. She knew she wouldn’t always owe him any explanation of her whereabouts, but she’d extended the courtesy since she planned on being gone a few days and she didn’t want him wondering if he should report his new roommate missing. It wasn’t even until she’d been done with Cade and almost at Izel’s and Josh’s when she got the text from Lex. Being a stickler for no texting and driving she pulled over as soon as she got the chance, to read it. It was insane what just seeing his name on her screen did to her. No wonder Cade had seen right through her. She clicked on the envelope and read the two-word text.
Few days?
It seemed an odd response given that she’d expected more of simple, okay, or even just a thumbs up emoji. Without overthinking it, she put a quick explanation together and reread it before sending it.
Yeah, stopped to see Cade then decided since I was already halfway home, to just keep going and take up Izel on his offer to come hang out with him, Josh and my sweetheart. Josh lives in the same city my parents do.
She’d been ready to pull out of the parking lot she’d pulled into because she didn’t think she’d hear back from Lex so soon, when her phone dinged again. She hadn’t even opened the first one, when her phone dinged again with another text from him, so she read them both.
Sweetheart?
Never mind. You mean Bentley.
Smiling, she was about to respond when a third one came through. Her heart thudded as she recalled but didn’t want to put too much weight on his comment about how he hated that things could be so different if it hadn’t gone down the way they had the night of the wedding. Even Xochitl resented the idiot now that started the trouble that ended their unforgettable night at the most inopportune moment. But she was still smiling about how quick Lex was to respond to her texts.
When will you be back? Only asking because my sister’s dying to come over and make us lunch or dinner.
She let him know she’d be home by the weekend if not sooner. When she got to Izel and Josh’s, she got the inquisition upon arrival. Xochitl told him and Josh everything. Why she’d made the trip out to see Cade so last minute and why she was there at their place and not with Cade for the next few days. She figured she may as well tell them. It was just a matter of time before they’d find out. As expected Izel hadn’t been the least bit surprised about her decision to end things with Cade this soon. Though Xochitl insisted it had nothing more to do with Lex other than seeing him again had been the reminder of what was so lacking in her relationship with Cade. Nothing else.
Of course, her brother was hardly convinced but she’d gotten her point across. The long drive had given her a lot of time to ponder the situation. Sure, she was obviously still feeling for Lex everything she had the night of the wedding. And he’d already made it clear that even after all this time, he hated that things could’ve turned out different had that night not ended the way it had. So clear, Xochitl was certain the moment he found out she’d broken things off with Cade, he’d likely suggest they start back where they left off. But Xochitl had to be smart about this—think with her head, not with her heart. After the worst heartache she’d experienced to date, her mother’s words continued to dance in her head. No regrets only lessons learned. Despite the fact that her heartache turned out to be unwarranted, there was a bigger fact to keep in mind. How surprisingly devastating that heartache had been after justone nightof being in his arms. This, after the guy had no qualms about admitting he was all for some fun, but any serious commitment was off his to-do list for at least ten years. Maybe longer. She’d be living with him now—seeing him day in and day out—inevitably sleeping in his armseverynight or at the very least often if he was still just into having a little fun. They hadn’t even discussed them having so much as a little fun and already she’d been nauseated by seeing him with the washing machine hog. How in the world would Xochitl deal with giving into some fun and then having to either hear about or worse, be witness to him with another girl in his arms again? Even with all the effort she’d made in the two years since the wedding to not ask Vannah about him, she’d been forced to hear her bestie quip about her brothers often anyway. While it was easier on her heart than hearing that he was in a relationship, Vannah had shared with Xochitl that their mother did not approve of the number of girls her brothers dated and disposed of so easily. She’d been well aware Lex had yet to commit to any one girlevereven for a short period. He was now the same age his sister had been when she got married and he’d thought itinsane. Nope. Nope. Nope.
No matter how tempting it might get to give into somefunwith him, she’d keep reminding herself, she’d never even kissed this guy she’d already cried over—more than once! There was no way she could even try and pretend she’d be okay with a meaningless fling, which was the only thing he was clearly into Two days after breaking up with Cade she was on her way back to her dorm and had even more time to think. The more she did the more her easily excitable but terrified heart had to be reminded why it was crucial that she not give into temptation. It wasn’t even until after the night of the wedding that Xochitl had concluded that she’d been mistaken all those years. For years because she’d always defiantly deemed herself a misanthropist, she just thought she couldn’t be vulnerable and weepy like most girls. But it was a wakeup call for sure. She was now aware she very much did have a weak side. In all the years she’d been with Cade, not once had done anything to bring it out. Now that she knew Lex had such power to easily do so, she’d be treading very lightly. Xochitl had updated Lex each day and each time she’d been surprised his responses to her texts had been more than what she always expected. When she’d send the courtesy texts to let him know for example that she’d be staying another day but hadn’t decided if she’d be staying yet another, she’d once again expected a simple okay or the thumbs up emoji. Instead, he’d asked her things such as how the drive had been and if she was having fun and enjoying her time with Bentley and her brother. Now she sat at the drive thru at Starbucks at a final stop on her way back to her dorm. When she’d texted him earlier to let him know she’d be headed back today but wasn’t sure what time, he’d asked her to keep him updated. As silly as it sounded, and as dangerous as this was for her weak heart when it came to him, it excited her that he’d want her to. Though she’d decided she wouldn’t update him until she was almost home. She knew herself too well. She’d be too tempted to keep stopping to read his texts should he go back and forth like he had with all her other texts. But since there were several cars still ahead of her in the drive thru, she shot him a text letting him know she was about forty minutes away. Her phone dinged a couple minutes later, and her heart sped up as she tapped the envelop on the screen.
Cool I was about to jump in the shower. I usually knock out soon after since these all-day practices are kicking my ass. But I’ll wait up for you.
Xochitl glanced at the clock on her dash. It was almost six-thirty in the evening. Yesterday he’d mentioned in one of his texts he’d been knocking out around seven, because the long practices were so draining. Despite his saying he’d wait up for her giving her butterflies, she felt bad. She wished she’d left earlier now but she hadn’t been with Bentley to the dog park in so long she hadn’t been able to pass up on going when Izel said they were taking him. She shot Lex another text to let him know he didn’t have to wait up. Just as she got to the window at the drive thru, she read his short response to her text.
I want to.
“Ma’am?”
Turning to the guy at the window holding her drink out to her, Xochitl shook her head and apologized for spacing out. She’d been so caught up staring at Lex’s text and going back to his commentagainabout hating that things could be different if the night of the wedding hadn’t ended the way it did, she hadn’t noticed her drink was ready. She didn’t respond to Lex, because arguing seemed silly and futile. She was certain now he’d insist on waiting up for her. Besides, despite the guilt she felt about keeping him up, and the dread of how he’d so easily reduced to a puddle now more often than she cared to admit, she was nowdyingto see him again. The closer she got to her dorm, the crazier the butterflies in her belly got. How in the world had she gone so many years thinking she couldn’t be one of those girls? One of the ones she’d always deemed annoyingly weak? Again, the worrisome thoughts that this could possibly be karma filled her mind. Payback for having been so harshly inflexible about how those kinds of girls who fell so easily had it coming. She reached the dorms just after seven and pulled her small duffle out from the back seat. Each step she took toward her dorm was insanity. Her heart was beating a mile a minute even as she put her key in the door’s lock. Before she could even turn it, the door opened, and she was greeted with that beautiful, dimpled smile. “You made it.”
“I did,” she said walking inside as he stepped aside. “I’d forgotten what a drive it is. Always feels longer when I’m coming back.”
“That’s always how it is.” He closed the door behind her. “So, how was it?”
“Good.” She set her bag down on the table. “We took Bentley to the dog park today. Hadn’t been there in a while.”
“That’s good. You got to spend a few days with him. But I’m surprised you didn’t spend more time with Cade. Gonna be a while before you can see him again, right?”
She turned to him heartbeat speeding up because somehow she wasn’t surprised he’d bring that up so quickly, and she now got the feeling it’s why he’d wanted to wait up for her.
Turning to him, she leaned against the counter. Might as well get it out there. Just like with Izel and Josh, he’d find out soon enough. “Yeah, well, my going up to see him wasn’t exactly a social visit.” He stared at her from where he stood in the middle of the room but didn’t say anything as if he were waiting for her to elaborate so she did. “I’d pretty much decided a while ago that things between him and me as a couple, might not work anymore. But I’d never break up with him over the phone or a text.”
His brows were up immediately. “You broke up with him?” She nodded but decided she was goingtryto keep the details to herself, so she didn’t say more. “Sorry to hear it. Was he upset or you think maybe he knows you so well, he knew it was coming?”
Xochitl pressed her lips together trying to decide how much more she’d tell him. “He said when I told him we needed to talk in person he knew something was up. Just didn’t expect a total breakup. Thought maybe I was going to suggest we take a break since we’ve hardly seen each other lately anyway.”
“I think breaking up is the first thing I’d be thinking.” Lex shrugged. “Especially if my girl was taking such a long drive to do it. Well, that or maybe that she was pregnant. But then you haven’t been around him recently . . .right?”
“No, I haven’t, and it’s been too long.” She added then smiled. “If that was the case, I would’ve known months ago, and he knows there’s no way I would’ve waited this long to tell him. I’m sure that’s the last thing he was thinking.” “So, you’re thinking it’s for good this time?” He was staring at her a little harder now. Like maybe he wasn’t buying it. “I mean if he was expecting a break and he knows you so well, maybe he knows a few months down the line you’ll end up back—”
“No. No way.” She shook her head. “At least not anytime in the foreseeable future. I’ve known for years that the chemistry between us romantically was just off. Even before we both went away to college, and we broke up the last time.Longbefore that. I was just afraid to be one of those dumb girls who got sucked into jerks and didn’t appreciate good guys. Because he really is a good guy, and he’s always treated me like hisprincess. So, I was always afraid I’d eventually regret it. Until I had that come-to-Jesus, moment.” She glanced away unable to hold the eye contact anymore because the way he was peering at her now, she could tell she’d already said too much. “And what moment would that be?”
