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He was near me in the darkness, but I could barely see his features.
“I made plans. I - I waited all week for you to call and when you didn’t, I went out with Ginger. I didn’t know you had called.”
“Have you checked your phone recently?”
“Well, no. The piano bar was loud. I turned my phone off. I wouldn’t have heard it ring anyway. We were having fun and - wait a minute. I don’t have to explain anything to you. You can’t just show up in the middle of the night and demand explanations from me. You don’t have that right.”
I heard him suck in his breath as he ran his hand through his hair. “You’re right. I owe you an apology. It’s been a long week and I wanted...I wanted to see you. I got frustrated when you didn’t answer your phone or return my calls.”
“What would you have done if I were home sleeping? Banged on the door until someone got up?”
“Probably. If you didn’t answer my calls, then yes. I drove to New York because I...fuck if I know. Is there someplace we can talk, someplace where there’s light?”
I thought about telling him to go home and I’d call him in the morning - that’s how irritated I was with his highhanded behavior.
But the tired ache in his voice reached out to me. He wanted to see me so badly he drove from Connecticut to New York City just because I didn’t answer my phone?
“Come on up,” I said over my shoulder. I focused on the dark stairwell and not the heat of his body as he followed me up the stairs.
“This isn’t safe. Why is it this dark?” Gabriel asked.
We turned the corner of the landing and went up another flight. “The light downstairs is out. The one in my hallway works. See.” By the time we reached the top of the stairs, I could clearly see the light from the hall ceiling.
Low watt bulbs kept the brightness at bay, but there was more than enough light to see our surroundings as we stepped from the stairwell. My apartment was the last one at the end of the hall on the left. I swear the narrow studio was no more than a broom closet at one point in time, but it had windows facing the street and not a brick wall, which was its finest selling point.
“You’ll talk to your landlord about that light,” Gabriel growled behind me as I unlocked the door.
I pushed the door open and walked in with him close behind me. I switched on the lamp by the door just as he stepped into the room.
“You will or I will,” he added when I didn’t answer.
With my back to him, I took a deep breath, holding back the urge to snap at him. “You know, I’m irritated enough with you right now. As you pointed out, it’s 2am and I’m tired.” I turned around to continue my rant. “If you came all the way here to make me angry...my God, Gabriel. You look awful. Are you alright?”
He looked like he hadn’t slept in days. His hair was disheveled, his usually impeccably groomed goatee was overgrown, and he just plain looked worn out.
And I no longer had the heart to be angry with him.
“You look exhausted. You shouldn’t have driven all the way here if you were this tired.”
“I wasn’t going to.”
“What do you mean?”
“I wasn’t going to call you, Suzanne. I hadn’t planned on seeing you again.”
I gasped at his honesty, not sure what to say when the man you’d dreamed about all week tells you he’s no longer interested in you.
“I suppose I should thank you for your candor, but you didn’t have to come all the way here just to tell me to my face. I didn’t have my phone on tonight, but I would have gotten your message eventually.”
He shook his head. “You don’t understand.”
“Oh, I think I do. I’m not the most beautiful girl in the world so it’s quite easy for me to understand when a man is no longer interested in me.”
“That’s not what I said.” His voice lowered, and he stepped directly in front of me. I immediately took a step back to protect myself from temptation if he tried to touch me, which he wouldn’t do since he’d just said he was no longer pursuing me.
God, why did that hurt so much? I barely knew him. He hadn’t made any promises. We weren’t committed to one another. If he had a change of heart since Sunday night, I should be fine with that. Disappointed, yes, but I shouldn’t have this growing ache in my chest, nor should I feel like pushing him out the door so I could snuggle in my bed and have the best cry ever.
As I suspected he’d do, Gabriel reached out to cup my cheek, and I retreated as far as I could before my back was against the door. With three steps, he had me cornered.
