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For whatever reason Gabriel had returned, I didn’t care. I had every right to let him see how he had affected me - how his cruel cowardice had marked me as deeply as his passion had.
If he came back to see the wreckage he’d left behind, I wouldn’t disappoint him.
“Open the door, Suzanne.”
I shook my head against the wood behind me.
“I need to talk to you,” he said slowly. “I need to explain. The least you can do is hear me out.”
“They have these things...they’re called cell phones.” I mocked his previous teasing comment to me about using the subway.
“It’s not that simple.”
“It’s not that complicated,” I seethed. “I mean, it’s not like you don’t have my number. And clearly, you know where I live.”
I could feel the tension; his heat permeated through the door.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” He pushed lightly on the door, trying to gain another inch. “You and I both know I could break this flimsy ass door down if I wanted to. And I want to. So, you can either move out of the way or get flung across the room. But I am coming in, Suzanne.”
“You don’t have the right-”
“I have every right.”
“No! No, you don’t. You don’t own me, Gabriel. I made a mistake. This whole thing was clearly a mistake.”
I heard him suck in a deep, agonized breath. Even time hadn’t separated my ability to connect with him instantly.
“This was many wonderful, fucked up things,” he said, his gravelly voice giving away his emotions, “but a mistake wasn’t one of them. I’m not asking you to forgive me, sweetheart. I’m just asking you to talk to me.”
Sebastian’s words came back to me. If he wasn’t “the one,” then he wasn’t “the one.” But if he was, we’d find a way to be together, wouldn’t we? Maybe this was the way? Maybe, it started here. Even if he didn’t ask for forgiveness, I could still give it to him. How did we move forward without forgiveness?
I moved away from the door and let him step inside. Gabriel took one step in, then stepped back into the hall. When he walked back in, he had my bags with him. He didn’t say a word. He took the bags to my bedroom area and set them on the floor by my bed. I closed the door...and waited...
Gabriel was nothing if he weren’t direct. When he talked, his straightforwardness was as overwhelming as his silence had been heartbreaking.
“I didn’t stay away because I didn’t want you anymore.”
I should have controlled the urge to look at him, but disbelief won over prudence.
Gabriel’s blood-shot eyes begged me to believe him, but he’d fooled me once. I couldn’t trust the signals my body was receiving. I couldn’t trust my willingness to throw myself back into his arms. My eyes narrowed as I glanced over him. His body was tired; it showed not just in his eyes, but in the way he stood in my apartment, in the way his shoulders slouched, and his fists clenched and unclenched at his sides.
“Then...why?”
He lifted his head and stared into my eyes. I held his gaze. I wouldn’t look away. I was broken, but somehow stronger than I thought. Seeing the physical proof of Gabriel’s pain was compelling, if not completely convincing.
“Because I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“Pfffft.” I turned my back on the lies that came out of his mouth and stalked to the window. I needed more distance between us. “Because, yeah, hurting me is the best way to, you know...nothurt me.”
I spun back around, ready to unleash weeks of pain. “There were a hundred ways you could have handled this. A simple breakup isn’t that much to ask for. A little respect would have been nice.”
“If I could –”
I balled my fist. “I swear to God, if you say you’d change things if you could, I’ll hit you. I promise, I’ll hit you. You did what you wanted to do, Gabriel. You didexactlywhat you wanted to do because that’s the kind of man you are, remember? Unapologetic. Know what you want - get what you want. Remember? So don’t stand here now and pretend that leaving me was any different. You wanted to leave, so you left. Now, what do you want from me? What brings you back? Something more compelling than little old me, I'm sure. I mean, the sex was great, but you’re quite a capable man. I’m sure you can get great sex anywhere, with anyone.”
“Suzanne...”
I ignored the lethal warning in his voice. “Personally, it’ll be a while before I feel that much for anyone again, but you’ve got the experience and the knowledge...I’m sure you’ll sucker some other poor girl into your bed soon. Maybe this is your thing. You know - the ones you think are the shy, quiet types. Lure them into your bed. Give them the greatest nights of their lives. Make them fall in l- fall for you.
