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“Was that what it was? Did I get too close? Was I too real for you, Gabriel? Maybe the allure wore off? I got too confident, didn’t I? Was it the night I sucked you?”
I couldn’t believe the words coming out of my own mouth, but it was how I felt, and he was going to suffer through every bit of it - not that I thought he cared that much at all.
“Did I start to show too much confidence? Was sucking your dick that night the straw that broke the camel’s back? Maybe I should have never jerked you off-”
He took a menacing step toward me as he growled, “Shut up. Shut the fuck up right now.”
I don’t know where I got the nerve to laugh at him. “It’s a sore spot, is it? I didn’t realize you had an aversion to hand jobs.”
He was across the room before I could blink, bending me backwards over the bistro table, capturing my hand and pushing it against the hardness of his arousal.
“Does this feel like I have an aversion to you touching me? I get a fucking hard-on every time I walk into a room with you. Every fucking time.”
He covered my hand, gripping it tighter as he pushed it harder against his cock. “Every. Fucking. Time,” he growled.
I was lost. In him. In my misery. In my lust. How could it be that he wanted me so badly, yet didn’t seem to really want me at all?
The emotions were instantaneous - grabbing me, pulling me under his wave of destruction. I wanted to push him away and run, all while I wanted to feel his velvety hardness in the palm of my hand again.
But all I could do was cry.
All the emotions were bundled together into an inseparable tangle. I didn’t know where one started and the other began - anger to passion, passion to fear, fear to sadness, manifesting into an explosion of tears I didn’t try to hide.
“Why didn’t you stay away?” Droplets fell unhindered down my cheeks. “I wish you had just stayed away.”
“I can’t stay away from you. I tried, Suzanne. I tried to do the right fucking thing, but you won’t let me. Do you think this is easy for me? Do you think any other woman has ever done this to me? Sweetheart, I don’t let anyone get this close. Ever. But I’m all over you like a starving dog on a bone, waiting for more handouts. More smiles.”
He ground himself against me and groaned loudly. “More of your touch. You’re right about so much, but you’re wrong about one thing. I’m not here because I want to be here. I’m here because Ihaveto be. I have to see you. I have to hold you. I have to touch you so badly I’m one step away from losing control - physically, emotionally. Mentally. I think I already have. I’m a fucking clueless idiot, risking my sanity for another few minutes in your presence.”
“I don’t understand. You act as if you can’t have me. Like I’m something you want desperately, but I’m out of your reach. I’mhere,Gabriel. If you want me - physically, emotionally, mentally - I’mhere.No one’s putting obstacles between us. No one but you.” My voice broke.
Regret pushed aside the anger in his eyes. “There’s so much you don’t understand.”
I gave into temptation, knowing that it wasn’t right, that I shouldn’t manipulate him that way, but my hand tightened on his hard cock. Gabriel groaned, his eyes closing as he leaned into my touch, and I stroked him through the fabric of his black dress pants.
“Explain it to me,” I urged in a desperate whisper. “I’m stronger than you think. Just talk to me.”
I’d been through so much in my life. I struggled through my father’s murder and my mother’s downward spiral afterward. I helped my older sister raise her family and tried to take the burden of our everyday lives away from my brother Sebastian so he could focus on securing our future. I went to college because of him, but I didn’t take anything for granted. He made sure we all had the life we led before my father was killed. I didn’t think I’d ever know what that cost him. He would certainly never tell me.
And here I was, facing off with another secretive man who wanted to protect me from hurt, all while he ripped my heart out at the same time.
But somehow, I’d reached him. His body softened, not much, but the anger eased from him.
“You wouldn’t understand.” He shook his head and sucked in a deep breath. “Even if I could tell you. Even if it were possible...I couldn’t do that” he whispered hoarsely. “Not to you. To someone else...someday. Maybe. But not to you.”
Our eyes met, and I was stung by the regret and raw emotion looking back at me from the depth of eyes so blue they didn’t seem real. Had he really just told me there’d be another woman after me, and he knew it?This was real? This was our goodbye?
“I’d rather die a thousand deaths than ever bring you into my world, sweetheart. You don’t belong with me. You’re too good, too real, too fragile. I’d hate myself for what I’d do to you. I’d break you, Suzanne,” he whispered, leaning into my body and nuzzling the side top of my head. “You’d wake up one day and I’d be gone. I know what we’ve found together. I’ve felt it every fucking day since we met. The only way I can love you...is to leave you.”
This wasn’t a ploy or a game to him. I knew from the anguish on his face - Gabriel meant every word he said.
“Then...there’s nothing more to say, is there?” I choked out.
“No,” he answered gruffly. “There’s nothing more to say.”
He straightened himself slowly and helped me to stand upright. We took our time about it. I wanted to think that, like me, he didn’t want this to end. Each touch could be the last time we felt each other’s heat. He was determined we couldn't be together, but he was in no hurry to leave.
“Gabriel.” I tried to hold back the tears, but I knew we’d hit that wall where nothing I said would change his mind. I walked to the door and pulled it open, keeping my eyes down as I struggled with my emotions. “Would you...please leave.”
