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CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Wednesday, August 18
Who knew so muchlegal paperwork is required to start a band? I’ve been going blind staring at contracts. I promised Ox and Sam I’d do a good job for the new band,Dante’s Muse,and I have pushed what should have taken months into three weeks.
Connor, too, it seems has been drowning himself in work. Ox let it leak that TheLittle Bird Cafe and Groceryis set to open next weekend. Anton Arnaud is even coming down to do a special guest chef pop-up night for the grand opening. Connor thinks Anton just called him out of the blue, but the truth is, I now owe the Ox Carr Superfan the first guitar pick fromDante’s Muse’sfirst gig for the favor.
I’ve relived every moment of the day I spent at theLittle Bird Cafe and Groceryand gone over and over in my mind what Ox told me. More than a few times, I have held my finger over Connor’s contact number to call. I have composed dozens of texts, but could never get the courage to send one.
Then two days ago, I saw it. A missed call while I’d been in the shower. From him. My heart beat like it did the first time he kissed me just seeing his name cross my phone screen. He didn’t leave a message. He didn’t have to. That one tiny step was all I needed to finally find the nerve. Inner Sex Goddess, Analyst, Insecure, Anxious and Adventurer all conferenced. An important decision had to be made. In all honesty, it had already been made a weeks ago. It was being willing to admit it out loud to myself first, and finally to Connor.
He is the only man I could ever imagine myself being with. Ever imagine I could marry. Or have a family with. But he doesn’t want those things. He just wants me.
So, I could have a life with marriage and family to some as-yet-unknown man who would never be the love of my life, or I could have a lifetime of love with my soul mate who will never give me his last name or his children.
So, on this Wednesday afternoon, two days after his name flashed on my phone, I find myself sliding my body into the perfect fitting jeans Tori made for me and a white T-shirt. OK, I bought it a size smaller than I normally wear, so sue me. Inner Sex Goddess thinks he’ll like it. Inner Analyst agrees and Inner Fangirl knows that Ox and Slade would approve — if they actually saw me in it. Funny, but Miss Insecurity hasn’t made an appearance in weeks, and I’m glad.
At 2:30 p.m., I work up my courage, swallow my pride, march into theJourney’s Endand take a seat at the bar. I glance at the sign and then see the bartender saunter toward me. There’s an odd smile on his face like he’s amused with me about something. I’m staring. It doesn’t matter to me anymore if he knows.
“The view’s included, but you have to buy a drink,” he says, exactly as he did all those weeks ago. The first time.
“OK, I’ll have a beer then,” I reply, considering my options at the tap.
“Nah, you look more like a whiskey girl to me,” he says and reaches around to pour me a glass of theBreckenridgehe keeps on the bottom shelf — a bottle hidden from the eyes of the average customer.
“And just so you know, you don’t shoot it, you sip it.”
“Thanks for the warning.” I sit and sip my drink while he rubs a wine glass with a towel and then slides it into the rack above his head. Still broad, still muscled, still turning me on.
“Will you want another one?” He asks, giving me that grin again.
“No thanks. The last time I had whiskey in this place it landed me in some strange man’s bed.”
“Yeah?”
I nod at him. “Yep. It was actually the best mistake I ever made in my whole life. I fell in love with him.”
Connor walks around the end of the bar and comes toward me. I spin my stool around to face him. He spreads his legs on either side of me pinning me in place. There’s no warning to what he’s about to do, he just does it. He just leans down and kisses me. The electricity I had come to love so much returns like a boomerang and supercharges every atom of my body, shooting through it with painful pleasure. God, I’ve missed this man so much.
“Lainey Bird,” he murmurs, not letting his mouth leave mine for more than a second. His kiss devours me. Like a lion.
My arms wrap around this powerful lion’s broad back and I cling to him like static on silk. He grins at me and flexes the muscles from under the thin cotton of his black tee. Connor’s fingers press into my skull, urging me forward. Closer. Deeper. “Damn it, I’ve missed you so much.” He murmurs into my ear. His voice is laden with raw emotion he’s narrowly keeping in check.
“I’ve missed you back,” I manage to croak out. My mouth is not my own, it’s his now. Evermore, his.
“I love you,” he whispers as a tear slips down his cheek and disappears into a newly-grown beard.
“I love you back,” I reply as he kisses me again, more deeply this time. I have no doubt every customer in the place is staring at us making out in the middle of the bar like two randy teenagers, and I couldn’t care less. My body, my very soul, has been starved of this man for far too long. Finally, he breaks away, but keeps my face held firmly in his large hands.
“Connor, I’m so sorry. I never should have left that day. I need you. I need you more than I need anyone or anything else. And if you want to date me forever, then OK. If you’re the only family I ever have, that’s OK, too. It just has to be you. It can’t be anyone else. We’ll be who we are — no labels, no pressure.”
The words barely escape my mouth, and Connor shakes his head. “No, my little Lainey Bird, I was wrong. I don’t know what I was thinking. I could never be who I was before with Shana because you’ve changed me. You’ve made me a different man. A better man. Better in every way. I’m so sorry I hurt you, baby. God, you have to know I want you. I want the entire world to know you’re mine. All mine. I want you to wear my mark, my name, my ring. I can’t live without you, Raven. I need you, too. I need you with me every day— in my bed, in my life, even in a tiny-ass RV.”
I’m shaken to my core. I never expected to hear these words nor the intense emotions with which they’re spoken to me. “Connor, you don’t have to …” he silences me with a kiss so hot, it makes every other kiss we have shared seem cold by comparison.
“I don’t have to. I want to.” He wraps his arms around me again and whispers into my ear. “I love you, Raven. And I want you to know that Iamgoing to propose to you. And you’re going to marry me. Soon. Not today. Maybe not even in the next few weeks. But I swear to you, Lainey Bird, you’re going to be mine, physically, emotionally, legally and in every way.”
“I’m already yours, Connor.” I say, pulling back to see a single tear shining in the corner of one navy blue eye. The eye of a lion. My lion. #evermore
