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CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Wednesday, July 28
It’sa Wednesday afternoon and theJourney’s Endis crowded. Some sort of party, I assume. Connor pours drinks, his hair pulled back in a low tail at the nape of his neck. His shirt is misbuttoned, and I wish someone would tell him. He smiles at the customers. The smile is fake. To everyone else, it looks genuine, but I’ve seen his real smile, and this is a poor facsimile. He’s tired. I wonder if he’s been having nightmares again, and if anyone new is soothing the lion while he dreams. No, I can’t think about that. I can’t let my mind wonder if that’s why his shirt is misbuttoned today. That he woke up after making love all night and threw on his shirt as she was trying to drag him back into bed. Nope. Can’t think about that. My Inner Analyst makes more notes that we’ll no doubt ponder in the wee hours of the morning tomorrow.
I sip my overpriced latte and look out of the large plate glass window of the coffee shop and watch Connor some more. Before I dial Ox, I offer a prayer that he’s all right with this.
I start talking as soon as he answers. “Hey, Ox. It’s Lainey. Listen, I’ve thought about your offer and I have an answer for you. Can you meet me later?”
“I can meet you now. You want sugar in that latte or what?”
I put down my phone and scan the customers inside the coffee shop. His head stands out above the crowd and I smile and wave. I must have been too distracted by the lion next door to notice Ox when he walked in.
He wraps me in a hug and flops down on the stool beside me. Now we’re both staring out of the plate glass window into theJourney’s Endat Connor Rose.
“Did the winery offer you a job, too?” he asks.
I nod.
“And you’ve decided which it’s to be?”
“Almost. You have to agree to twenty-five percent. But not starting until the first quarter that the new band makes more than two million in sales. Until then, just my salary and expenses. And I get final approval of all creative. Including the band’s name. I don’t want you guys calling yourselves theElectric Ponytailsor anything stupid like that. I get it in writing that Connor has nothing to do with our agreement.”
“That’s it?” Ox confirms, giving me a happy Santa laugh.
“Nope. You buy the electric cello. That thing looks so cool.”
Ox smiles broadly. “You’ll take the job?”
“Of course. It’s a dream come true for me, Ox. You know that. And I’ll work very hard for you, I promise.”
“I know you will. And don’t worry about Connor. He’s neck-deep in his own new thing. I told him about the offer, and he’s cool with it. He agrees you’re be the best person for us. I think he’s actually rooting for you, if you want to know the truth.”
“I’m glad. What’s his new venture?” I ask cautiously.
“He’s going to do this neat Farmer’s Market grocery store thing with a farm-to-table restaurant in the back. Just a breakfast and lunch place. He says he needs more time off for life balance or some shit like that. It’s pretty amazing though.”
“He’s actually doing it!” I say, my face beaming. My mind drifts back to our conversation that night in the tiny town of Cowpens. The night of the storm when we made love for the first time. My body erupts in gooseflesh that I am helpless to control. Just the thought of the way he touched me. God, I miss him. I miss the sex, but I miss the closeness more. I just miss Connor.
“You knew about this?”
“We talked about it once. Very briefly. What do you know about it?”
Ox cocks his head to the side and stares down at me. “You got time to take a ride with me?”
“Well, you’re my boss. What do you say? Can I shirk off this afternoon?”
“C’mon.” He pulls me in for a hug.
An hour and a half later, Ox and I stand outside a small white building in what I am sure is the cutest small town in America. The large glass windows on the storefront are papered over so I can’t see inside, but construction work signals a renovation is underway. Ox has a key and we enter through the back door. The place is open and spacious. Flooring and cabinetry have already been installed. The fixtures and design all remind me of Connor’s family’s place in Martha’s Vineyard. Except for the dining room of the restaurant.
Boxes are spread out on the floor, filled with decor for the merchandise shelves that are temporarily leaning up against one wall. Peeking through one box, I see a model Ferris wheel, a bicycle basket filled with silk wildflowers and a glass jar of colorful seashells. And there are framed sketches and pictures of us from our trip in the Minnow Bucket.
The dining room looks like the Watergate Hotel with its caramels and grays. Tears prick at the back of my eyes. All the decorating shows we watched are coming to life in front of me. All the nights cuddled next to Connor as he slowly built his dream in his head one piece at a time. We designed it. And now he’s building it. My heart is ready to burst.
“It’s so beautiful,” I say, trying to suppress the emotion in my voice. It’s impossible, but I try anyway.
“Yeah. I like it.” Ox moves over and pulls a long, paint-smattered drop cloth from over a plank of wood leaning against a wall. Underneath, the sign for the front is revealed. A tiny raven is painted in black against a light blue backdrop. In her beak, she holds a dandelion seed. Written in a loose calligraphy hand are the words “Little Bird Cafe and Grocery.”
My whole body responds to the vision of it. I try to hide my face in my hands. But I’m helpless to stem the tide now. I fight back against the emotion as Ox moves to hold me, but it’s not his touch, not his comfort I want. He’s not the man I need.
“Oh God, Ox.” I clap my hand over my mouth, but it does nothing to stop my sobs.
“He’s poured every ounce of himself into this place,” Ox says, cupping a large arm around my thin shoulders. “And none of it has anything to do with the Army, or what happened in Afghanistan or with Shana. It’s just you. That’s all that’s in him now, Lainey Bird. And if you leave, I’m afraid there won’t be anything left of that man.”
I bury my face into his thick chest. “I love him so much, Ox. I don’t know what to do.”
“Lainey,” Ox croons softly as he pats my back. “He’s suffering just like you, girl. He’d kill me for telling you, but he is. You two have got to talk to each other. I can’t stand to see either of you miserable. Fly back to him, Little Bird. He needs his raven.”
