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The problem was I didn’t want to do the right thing. I couldn’t admit it out loud, but I wanted Noah for myself.
* * *
Stuck in the library, up on the sixth floor, hidden away in a corner next to the window, I rubbed at my temples. My essay was mostly done, other than the bibliography—thank fuck, because I was getting a headache. Not to mention, it was getting late. The sky outside was dark, and the library was quiet.
The words blurred on my laptop screen as I typed the name of the first book on the list, and I blinked rapidly, stifling a yawn.
“You should get some rest.”
My head shot up to see Noah eyeing me with concern.
How had he found me?
“What are you doing here?” The words came out harsher than I’d meant them to because he took a step back, holding up his hands.
“No need to bite my head off. I wanted to…” He trailed off, pulling out the chair next to me and lowering himself into it.
“Take a seat, why don’t you.”
“Thanks, I will.” He smirked, so I gave him the finger.
Resting his elbows on the table, he pushed his chair back a bit, then slumped forwards, laying the side of his head on his arms so he was facing me. His eyes raked over me, and his lips parted, his tongue coming out to swipe along his bottom lip.
This fucker knew exactly what he was doing. “Comfortable?” Playing it cool, I raised a brow before turning back to my laptop. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing just how his proximity was making my heart rate speed up, and I was going to have a dickuation if he didn’t stop looking at me with that heavy-lidded gaze, banked heat in the depths of his eyes.
“Mmm. Very.” Shifting incrementally, he angled his body closer to me. “Why did you run out of the house this morning? Was it what Travis and Kira were saying about Elliot?”
My gaze snapped back to his. “What?”
“Because I already told you, nothing happened with Elliot, and I’m not interested in him as anything other than a friend,” he continued as if I hadn’t spoken. “Travis and Kira don’t know what they’re talking about. Anyway, after you’d gone, I told them that there was nothing going on, and—”
“You didn’t tell them about me, did you?” Sudden panic had me flying up in my seat.
“No, I didn’t. I wouldn’t do that.” Hurt crept into his tone, and he turned his gaze away from me, resting his chin on his arms and staring straight ahead of him.
“I know. I just…fuck.” It was easier to say this now he wasn’t even looking at me. “Maybe you should think about you and Elliot.” I forced the words out through gritted teeth. “He’s a nice guy, he clearly likes you, and he’s, y’know.”
“Gay?” Noah’s voice was resigned.
“Yeah. I’m not… You and me…we don’t even have anything in common. You hate football, I hate running unless it’s on the pitch, we—”
“Is it me you’re trying to convince or yourself, Liam?” Noah straightened up, getting into my personal space. His voice lowered. “If you’re not interested in me, stop making excuses. I’m not interested in playing games.”
“I’m not—”
He held up a hand, cutting me off again. “I get it. No need to say anything else.” Before I had a chance to say anything else, he shoved his chair back and stalked away from me.
Fuck this boy. Why wouldn’t he let me finish speaking? I shoved my own chair back and ran after him, grabbing his arm and yanking him into the stacks. Clapping a hand over his mouth to stop him from interrupting me again, I used my body to hold him in place against the shelves, my other hand holding the shelf at the side of his head.
“Let me speak without you fucking interrupting me and second-guessing what I’m going to say, alright?”
He tried to say something, so I pressed my hand harder against his mouth, digging my fingers into the sides of his jaw as a warning. His eyes narrowed in a glare, but he finally nodded.
“Good. What I was trying to say was—” I paused, taking a second to gather my thoughts. Noah shifted against me, but he didn’t try to speak again. “I don’t—we’re not—we don’t share the same interests. It’s not just about that either. I’m… I know I’m not always that easy to get on with. To be completely fucking honest, I don’t even know why you’re interested in me. There’s nothing I can offer you. Why would you want to be with me? I’m not out—fuck, I don’t even know if I’m straight like I always thought I was, and this whole thing is a blip or something, or if there’s some shit about me that I never realised before. I can’t—”
Noah’s hand came up, his fingers curling around my palm and pulling it away from his face.
“Yeah, I’m interrupting you again. Get over it.” He lowered his hand, still keeping hold of mine. I was suddenly aware of the unsteady rise and fall of his chest and the way the hand that gripped mine had the slightest tremor. “I just want to ask one question, and I want you to give me an honest answer.”
