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Tyler gave me the time I needed as a few tears slipped down my face. I wiped them away, my smile feeble as I met his eyes. I shrugged my shoulders as everything came to mind like it was only yesterday. “I don’t know what happened,” I told Tyler. “JJ just disappeared. Then, to make matters worse, Internal Affairs started their own investigation, asking all kinds of questions. They had some hair up their ass and suspected JJ of double-crossing us and working for López.” I shook my head, the anger as fresh as it was for me at the time. “It was bullshit, of course. We were all pissed about the accusations. But without JJ to give his side of the story and defend himself, it seemed like he just up and ran.What other explanation did we have?That’s what they asked us. Five days later, JJ’s car was found abandoned in some vacant lot. Riddled with bullets, blood all over the seats, and no body.”
Eyes on the picture in his hand, Tyler was matter-of-fact when he said, “Sounds like a professional hit to me.”
I nodded. “That’s what I thought too. But there was no way we could tie it back to López. Somehow, like the snake he is, he figured a way out of being linked to it. We figured he had one of his henchmen take JJ out and dump his body. Since we were never able to find him, the entire op fell apart. That’s when I decided to transfer to homicide.”
“How does all of this tie into today?”
I wasn’t fully honest in my answer. “It just brings everything back. Front and center. I want blood. I want to take them down. More than anything, I want payback.”
“I don't blame you,” Tyler said. “From what you said, I'm guessing López or one of his henchmen found out about JJ and had him killed.”
“Probably tortured him first. So he'd give up any intel he had, whatever they could get out of him.”
“Yeah, but how did they get onto him in the first place?”
“Your guess is as good as mine.” I let go of an aggravated breath. “López was always one step ahead of us like he always knew what we were thinking. It didn't take too much for JJ and me to figure that someone in his crew was probably being tipped off by a cop. JJ had an informant at the time that he thought he could get to confirm it, but before he was able to talk to him, he disappeared. Most likely, someone got to him first. Found out that he was a snitch. Never saw him again. Then when we found JJ’s car, we just assumed López had him killed. Maybe his CI gave him up. I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ll ever know.” I dragged my hands over my face, then back through my hair.
I wanted to tell him more. I wanted to tell him about the possibility that I’d be going undercover to try and take downLos Tiburónes. I shouldn’t tell him, though. It was undercover for a reason. And telling him how much I was agonizing over it would ruin our time together even more than I already had. If he could tell there was something more I wasn’t telling him, he didn’t push. Typical Tyler. I appreciated his uncanny ability to know when to push and when not to. We weren’t committed or in a relationship. But what was this thing between us? It was more than just a booty call now. But neither of us breached that topic. Were we both afraid? Is that why neither of us had brought it up?
“What a shitty way to finish this week,” I said.
“Why’s that? Like you said, it’s the end of the week.”
“Because next week is Thanksgiving.” I shrugged. “And I’m supposed to be focused on that. On things I’m thankful for. And instead, I’m rehashing the past and thinking about murder, my dead partner, and drug dealers. And how I failed Jacob.”
“You didn’t fail. It was out of your hands. Just like the IED that took my team. There’s nothing we could have done to prevent what happened.”
“If I just—”
“Marisa,” he took my hands, “we can’t live our lives on what-ifs. One thing I’ve learned, we honor those who we’ve lost by the work we continue to do. And Siren”—my heart skipped a beat when he used my nickname—“you do damn good work.”
My nod was pathetic, but I knew what he meant. “Thanks.”
“And someday, hopefully, you’ll figure it all out.” His hands squeezed mine.
“I hope so.”
“I’d be more than happy to help you work on it. If I’m right about the woman you are, you have copies of the case files in there.” He nodded to my box.
“Yeah.”
“What else you got in there? If you don’t mind me asking.”
I didn’t mind. Not anymore. Which surprised me more than anything. Because I’d never shared anything in that box with anyone. Not even my father. “Odds and ends. And stuff from my mom.”
“Someday, maybe you’ll share the rest of what’s in there.”
“I’d like that,” I said simply. I wanted to let him in—all the way in. I just wasn’t ready.
I was putting the lid back on the box when Tyler asked, “What are you doing for Thanksgiving?”
“I go to my dad’s. He’s retired now. He moved to Monarch, about an hour from here.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard of it. It’s known for its wineries, right?”
“Wineries, ranches, farms. He loves it out there. It’s slower-paced, and that’s what he wanted. It’s becoming more and more popular, a tourist attraction. But yeah, it’s a pretty cool town.”
“That will be nice. Getting to spend time with him.”
