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“Answer me!” I cry, shoving his shoulder.
He looks up again, his throat moving in a thick swallow.
“Why did you do that? Why would you humiliate your sister’s best friend just because she liked you?! Tell me!”
“Because you couldn’t,” he says in a broken voice.
“Icouldn’t? What the hell does that mean?”
“It means, youcouldn’t. You couldn’t like me, Iz. We couldn’t be together. You were the smart kid, always studying, tutoring, honors society, the whole deal. You had everything ahead of you, and being with me… I already saw you slipping as you followed me around to parties and other stupid shit you had no business messing with. I had to make sure you focused on yourself and your future, and the only way I could think was making you hate me so you’d avoid me and all the destructive shit that went with me.”
“That… No!” I say, furious. “That wasn’t your decision to make!” I cry, shoving him again.
He falls back but doesn’t retaliate. Nope, just looks down, waiting. For what? For more. For me to hurt him again. To absorb my anger.Mypain.
“I thought I was in love with you,” I rasp out, grabbing his sleeve.
“I know,” he whispers, lifting those cavernous eyes to me again.
I search them, grasping at any remnant of his fractured soul I can find. No one fought for him four and a half years ago. Who’s going to fight for him now?
My gaze drops to his mouth, lips I’ve fantasized about for years. Kisses that would have been traitorous in light of what he’d done to me. Except, he didn’t do it to me. He did itforme and somehow that’s worse. If this is what it’s like to be protected at the cost of someone else, I can’t imagine how Kim feels.
He accepted hate over love, blame over gratitude. Gave up his life so we could have one worth living. What are we supposed to do with that? Be grateful? I’m furious!
“You can’t keep making decisions for everyone else,” I say, glaring at him.
He averts his gaze.
“Hey!” I poke his shoulder. “Look at me!”
He does, and I take a sharp breath.
He’s so beautiful. So pure and broken at the same time. I hate him for destroying what he should have been.
“I’m not sorry, Isabel. I don’t know if I’d do it again, but I will never apologize for doing it.”
I shake my head, blinking back angry tears.
Everything in me wants to slap him right now. But I also want to lean forward. To frame his exasperating, beautiful face and taste what I’ve been craving since I was a lovestruck teen. I’ve watched too many girls kiss this boy, too many radiant grins and flirty looks that melted my insides into sticky obsession. He didn’t just change his future that day, because there’s no doubt in my mind if he’d given in to me then, I would have followed him.Waitedfor him. I would have become everything he didn’t want me to be: a lovestruck teen turned lovestruck adult, pining in stagnation as I put my life on hold to wait for him. He’s right. I would have followed him halfway across the state to hover outside a prison. Like Kim, I probably wouldn’t have finished high school, let alone be half a semester away from an engineering degree.
And instead of this, you got Pierce.
Longing rushes through me as I study every detail that should be mine. His perfect face, his exquisite body. His pockmarked soul that somehow is more captivating than ever now that I know the depth and price of its scars.
My fingers tighten around his jacket, and neither of us move as we explore unspoken desire. I’ve never cheated on anyone, never thought I would, but here I am fighting what seems like an inevitable current. Is it cheating if you can’t break up with someone because they’re extorting you?
Pierce would think so, which means Tristan would pay the price. It hurts even more knowing he’d willingly pay it. No way in hell I’m letting that happen.
My throat and chest are thick with frustration as I let go of his sleeve and scoot back. He seems just as distraught but doesn’t say anything when I push to my feet. If anything, his resigned sigh tells me he has no idea how hard I just fought to resist him. I don’t even offer my hand to help him up because I’m afraid of what will happen if I touch him again.
“You want some coffee?” I ask instead.
He looks up, the slightest smile flickering over his lips. “Do you think Kim spit in it?”
I return it and hope I’m a hundred times stronger than I think I am.
His lips are fire, his tongue pure lust as it invades my mouth and scorches me from the inside out. I can’t get enough and claw at his back to drag him into me. My moans echo around us as I hook my legs around his thighs and grind against him until his own groans make me lose control. I don’t care about the consequences. Past, present, future, none of it matters in this moment. I’ve waited too long, endured too much without him to waste a single second of this ecstasy on regret.
