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Elizabeth was backin Falmouth by Tuesday afternoon. She sat on her deck, watching as the clouds swallowed the sun. A gray day, in keeping with her mood. The waves crashed noisily against the shore, pounding the sand, lulling her into inertia. She had so much to do, but didn't have the motivation to do a thing.
She’d decided that today, andonlytoday, she would give in and allow herself time to mourn, for lack of a better word. Walking up the steps to her deck had propelled so many vivid images back into her mind, things she longed to think about, even though they caused an ache deep in her chest. She rose from her chair and leaned over the railing, staring down at the sand below. The colorful buckets Will had used to send his message of love on her birthday were lined up, tucked slightly under the deck. She could see them peeking out, and even though it pained her to think about that night, it made her smile.
She sat down again, and when tears filled her eyes, she let them fall. They cascaded endlessly down her cheeks—big, fat, salty tears, dripping off of her chin and running onto her lips.She’d resisted crying since the day she left for South Carolina. That day had been a big one—at least she thought so at the time.No more crying, she’d told herself then. But who was she kidding? She gulped in breaths of air as sobs escaped her, mingling with the sound of the tide.
Her phone rang suddenly, and when she saw it was Jane, she didn’t answer. She couldn’t talk, not right now. The ringing stopped, and she eyed her music app, her finger hovering over it. So much of what she’d shared with Will had involved music. His guitar, his singing, his wonderful voice.
There are always songs playing in the background as we go through life, and they give each memory its own soundtrack.
She remembered him saying that, and allowed her thoughts to wander back to those first days of getting to know each other. All the silly things, the likes and dislikes, the quirks…the first kisses… It was all so magical. Who would have guessed she’d be sitting here ten weeks later wondering what had happened?
She slipped in her earbuds, turned on the music, and sat back in her chair, her eyes drifting closed. Song after song played, and the tears just kept coming—from where she didn't know, but they weren't abating.
This is it, this is the last time, so let them fall.
Every song seemed to speak to her, or speak about Will...she remembered things he’d told her about the songs he’d sneakily added to her playlists—the one he was listening to on the Fourth of July when he’d first realized he was in love with her. And the first song they’d danced to at the benefit, when he’d kissed her in front of everyone and that very picture had made it into the newspaper. She’d been so happy. Elated.
Was that really only seventeen days ago?
She covered her face with her hands, letting the hurt drain from her body through her tears.
Suddenly a hand grasped her wrist, and she startled and pulled away, nearly falling out of the chair. Her heart plummeted to her stomach at the sight of Will, kneeling next to her, tears swimming in his eyes. She pulled out her earbuds and gaped at him, speechless.
He pulled her into his embrace, and though she let him, she didn’t return it. She was too shocked at his appearance, and when the roaring in her ears finally subsided, she heard his voice.
“I'm so sorry, Elizabeth. I'm so sorry,” he murmured, over and over again.
She wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around him, but she held herself in check, and after a moment, she pushed against his chest, nearly knocking him off balance. He stood and took a step back.
“I'm sorry, I–I didn’t mean to startle you. I called your name, but…”
She was still too dazed to speak. Her throat was raw from crying, her eyes felt itchy and swollen, and her nose was alternating between stuffy and runny. Without saying a word, she stood and walked into the house, returning a moment later with a tissue.
She stood just outside the door, not moving to sit again, but standing apart from him. He leaned against the railing, and her eyes traveled over him hungrily. For a moment, all the anger she felt, all the frustration and sadness, was gone. It was Will,herWill, and having him in front of her again was like a balm to her soul. He looked good. A little thinner, maybe, and tired...but good. So good.
“Why are you here?” she finally asked, her voice hoarse from crying.
“I had to see you. I need…we need to talk.”
She shook her head and gazed out at the waves, her heart pounding. Here it was, the moment she’d been waiting for yet dreading just the same. “Why now? Why not–why not eleven days ago? Or ten days ago? Nine? Eight?”
“There isn't an easy answer to that question. I wish there was, but there isn't.”
She shook her head again, this time a little more decisively. “No, thereisan easy answer. Just think about the question, Will, and give me the answer. Tell me.”
“I chose…I had to stay away. At the time, it was–it was what I needed to do. For me.”
Her eyes welled up, and before she could stop them, tears trickled down her cheeks again, and she swiftly wiped them away. “Whatyouneeded to do. Foryou.”
“Yes.” He took a step toward her. “I have so much I need to tell you. So much I need to apologize for.”
She gave a short, watery laugh, but when he began to move toward her, she held up a hand. “Don't,” she said firmly. If he held her or touched her in any way, she'd collapse like a house of cards.
“I need to explain everything. I need to tell you why I behaved the way I did. Why I left, and why I'm here now.”
She nodded. “I need you to tell me. I have to know. I can't go through the not knowing again. I wish I could just tell you to leave, but I can't. Not yet.”
“We–we should go inside. Do you want to go in?”
