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“Yes.”
It fell silent, the faint buzz of chainsaws the only sound in the kitchen.
“Trust can be a difficult thing to come by,” Dee finally said. “Once you have it, and can return it, it's priceless. Just the same, it only takes one moment, one action, to break something so fragile. And once it’s broken, it's much easier to convince yourself to keep your guard up, to protect your heart, to keep everyone at an arm's length. It's easier than opening yourself up to that kind of hurt again, isn't it?”
Elizabeth nodded.
“But I think having your trust broken is not theworstthing,” Dee continued. “I think the worst thing would be to let the experience make you a bitter person; to let yourself become withdrawn, cold, and fearful. Love comes with risks, but it comes with tremendous rewards, and for me, the rewards have always outweighed the risks.”
“You and Uncle Ed have always seemed so happy. That's what I want, Aunt Dee. I want something solid, something that will last.”
Her aunt smiled. “Oh honey, no relationship is effortless. Your uncle and I are solid because we’ve worked hard. But we've had our moments, believe me. We've each made mistakes. And for some, the easiest thing is to walk away. It's always an option, isn't it?”
Elizabeth felt a spike of anger. “Of course! It shouldn't be, but it is.” Her face heated, and she crossed her arms over her chest.
Dee stared at her for a long moment. “Let it out, Lizzy. It's going to eat you up if you don't.”
Elizabeth’s gaze fell to her lap. “He left me. I was hurt, in the hospital, and he just…heleftme there. But the worst part is that he kneweverything. Everything about me, about Jason, about…”About the baby. “He knew why I was afraid to trust him, why I was scared to just let myselflovehim. He knew I'd stayed away from anyone who showed any interest in me. Oh sure, I put on a good show and went out on a few dates, but if one of those guys showed just theslightestbit of interest in pursuing a real relationship, I was gone. Checked out. No thanks! Not me! Not ready.”
She paused and looked at her aunt, feeling somewhat embarrassed.
“Go on, Lizzy, finish.”
Elizabeth sighed. “I'm sorry.”
“For what? For being angry? For being angry athim,and for needing to express it? You have every right to feel that way.”
Elizabeth nodded and began to speak again, more calmly this time.
“When I first met him… I thought he was a jerk. Arrogant, judgmental... You name it, I thought it. But then I saw glimpses of a different side of him, and I started to think that maybe I’d been a little hasty. Here I was, callinghimjudgmental, yet I’d behaved the same way.” She took a deep breath. “When we finally began to talk, when I began to see more of who he was... I knew I was in trouble. I found myself thinking about him all the time.” She gave a short laugh. “Foolishly, I thought that not sleeping with him would help protect my heart, but that was so stupid. I think I was already in love with him long before we slept together. I fell so hard, so fast.”
She looked at her aunt with tears once again threatening to fall. “How could he do that to me? What made it so easy for him to stomp all over my feelings? And why did Ilethim? What is it inmethat would make him believe I was capable of being so devious and deceptive? That I could do something like that to him, or toanyonefor that matter?”
Her aunt shook her head. “Don't put this on yourself. This is onhim. Whatever made his reasoning so irrational, whatever those issues are, I believe they've always been there, whether he knew it or not. On some level he probably sensed it, but it took something monumental to make him come face to face with it.”
“At my expense! I know that sounds selfish, but why did it have destroy me? Us?”
“It’s not selfish! You’re entitled to feel that way. And I’m not making excuses for him, but he loves you, and you know that old saying—you always hurt the ones you love. It's true. The people we love the most bring about the most intense emotional responses, don't you think?”
Elizabeth shrugged half-heartedly. It made sense, but it was tough to hear.
“You know,” Dee went on, “if it was someone else he’d hurt, someone he didn't love quite as much, he would never do the soul-searching he’s trying to do. He would walk away, just like Jason, without looking back. What Jason felt for you wasn't real; if it had been, he would’ve realized his mistake back then and attempted to repair it.”
“Are you siding with Will?”
“No, honey. It's not a matter of choosing sides. All I'm saying is that mistakes happen. Big ones, little ones... They'll happen throughout your life, and they’ll give you opportunities to learn and grow. Successes are wonderful, but they don't teach you about yourself and about other people the way mistakes do.”
Elizabeth said nothing. She felt drained and possibly more muddled now than she was before this conversation started, and her aunt seemed to sense it.
“I'm not trying to make things more confusing, I'm just trying to get you to see the bigger picture. I'm not siding with William, but Iamadvocating for your happiness. You have to decide how you’ll be able to arrive at the point when you can truly say you're happy again.”
Elizabeth stared at her hands, afraid that if she looked at her aunt, she would cry again. But her aunt wanted her attention and lifted Elizabeth's chin.
“You can't change what happened. It's in the past. The only thing you can change, the only thing you have control over, is your future. That's the thing about mistakes, Lizzy—you'll make them, the people you love will make them, but it will be up to you to decide whether you're going to learn from them or run from them.”
A single tear slipped from Elizabeth’s eye and traveled down her cheek.
Dee got up to fetch a box of tissues and placed it on the table between them. “Whatever you decide, make sure you won't regret it. Do you know what regret truly is?”
