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“Seriously? I'll go there if you want me to, but it would just be a repeat of our last conversation, and like I said on the phone this morning, that one didn't go very well. Do you think that just because you picked up the phone and called me, everything is fine?”
Lydia’s gaze dropped to the sand. “No, I don't think that. I know I have to apologize.”
“Yes, you owe me an apology. But you can’t just mouth the words and be done with it. You have to mean it.”
“I do mean it. I’m sorry.”
“For what? What exactly are you sorry for?”
“For staying at your house—even though it wasn't my idea. George—”
“Stop. I don’t want to hear it.”
“I'm not making excuses.” Lydia paused for a moment. “Okay, maybe I am. I knew what we were doing was wrong, but I was angry at you. You sided with Charlotte.”
“What did you expect? She's one of my best friends—and is alsoyourfriend—and you were sneaking around with her boyfriend!” Elizabeth shook her head. “This goes back further than George Wickham. For some reason, you’ve decided it’s okay to walk all over me. I’ve become fair game for you. Why is that? What did Ieverdo to deserve that kind of treatment?”
“I don't know what you're talking about.”
“Youdoknow, don't play stupid. What changed between us? One minute we were best friends, the next minute I was the butt of your jokes.”
“I don't know,” Lydia said, and hesitated slightly. “I felt a little bit left behind. I–I was jealous. You and Jane have these fancy jobs, you don’t rely on Mom and Dad for anything… You both have it so together, and I...don't.”
“Whose fault is that?”
Lydia shrugged. “Mine, I guess.”
“Youguess? You know, that doesn't really fly, because you never treat Jane the way you treat me.”
“You’re always being picked on by Mom. That made it easier.”
Elizabeth rubbed her forehead. “Oh my God. I can't listen to this.”
“I'm sorry, Lizzy, but you wanted the truth, and I'm being truthful. In Dad's eyes you’re perfect, but in Mom’s, you’re far from it.”
Elizabeth dropped her hand. “You've always had thembotheating out of the palm of your hand.”
“Oh, I know. Mom especially. Dad spoils me, but only because he isn’t interested in me. He just gives me whatever I ask for and lets me run wild. You're his favorite. I know it, Jane knows it—”
“Yet Jane doesn't shit on me like you do,” Elizabeth said flatly. “You need to grow up, Lydia. I really don't think you're sorry about anything—or maybe you are, maybe you're sorry about the way things turned out. George leaving you high and dry and then getting arrested, Dad being ashamed of you… I think you feel sorry for yourself more than anything.”
“That’s not true. I–I called Charlotte to apologize.”
Elizabeth’s jaw nearly hit the sand.
“She had the nerve to thank me!” Lydia went on. “She said I did her a favor, snatching up George like that, since he turned out to be such a nasty fucking scumbag.”
Elizabeth let out a short laugh, imagining those very words coming out of Charlotte's mouth. “So if Georgehadn'tturned out to be a scumbag, would you have called her? If you were still seeing him, would you have bothered?”
Lydia shrugged. “I–I don't know.”
They were quiet for a long while, standing apart and staring out at the waves. Being with Lydia made Elizabeth feel empty; she didn't feel the need to rebuild their bond, because at this point, it had pretty much been trampled to death, and her desire to reconnect just wasn't there.
“Look,” Lydia finally said, “I know this isn't going to get solved today. I know I have a lot of growing up to do and I've made horrible mistakes. Iamsorry, especially for hurting you. Mom told me everything, about those pictures and what they did to you and Willy, and about his sister… I've heard it all. Dad can't even stand to look at me. I know what I did, Lizzy, and I’m sorry. I don't know what got into me.”
“You're selfish;that'swhat got into you. You can't see beyond yourself.” Elizabeth paused, and recalled something Will had said to her this morning, when she’d told him she was meeting Lydia after work. “Will is angry with you too, even though he’s acknowledged that it wasn’t your actions, but his response to them that caused problems for us. He’s owning up to that; he’s facing his mistakes head-on and he’s working on his issues, because he knows we’re worth it.I’mworth it.”
“I hope you’re making him grovel a little.”
