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He stared at the canisters lined up along the backsplash. The casserole dish rested on the dishrack by the sink. Erin had forced that damn crumb cake back into their lives every day since she started helping at the store. He hated it, but for whatever reason, it was important to her.
Gathering a bowl and the measuring cups, he got to work, mixing the batter and preheating the oven. He’d seen it made enough to know the recipe by heart.
As he poured the batter into the casserole dish, he had a flashback of Erin trying to make the cake when they were little. Neither of them knew how to bake, and she needed to get it done or their dad would flip out.
Harrison chuckled, recalling the sludgy mess she’d tried to pass off as cake. Back then she’d been afraid of getting in trouble, but now the memory only struck him as charming and innocent.
He tried to imagine Erin’s blue eyes and blonde hair on a smaller version of herself, tried to picture what his niece might look like.
Once the cake was baking, he returned to the den. Giovanni was lost in some nature show about hippos.
Harrison replaced the outlet cover in the hall then drifted toward his sister’s room and knocked on the door. “Erin?”
“What?”
He chuckled at her unwelcoming tone. “I’m coming in.”
She lay on her side on the bed, scrolling through her phone as songs of TikTok softly played in short clips.
He sat by her feet. “I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am. I shouldn’t have lost my temper.”
“Why did you?”
“He accused me of using Mariella.”
She rolled over on the bed and faced him, no longer interested in her phone. “Every time her name comes up you get this possessive look in your eye and start acting nuts. If you like her that much, why aren’t you with her?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Does it have to be?”
“She doesn’t want to be with me.”
“That’s not the impression I get from everything Giovanni tells me.”
And what was Mariella telling Giovanni? He remembered what Mariella had said about what they want not always being what they need.
“Sometimes we want the wrong things. She needs someone dependable.”
“Oh, give me a break. You act like you have a disease. You’re dependable when you need to be, Harrison.”
“My track record—”
“Sucks. I know. But when you were notified that the property taxes were overdue, you showed up. When I called to tell you dad died, you got here that same night. You’re dependable when it matters. The question is, does she matter to you?”
There were only two people who mattered to him in this world, and Mariella was one of them. The other was sitting by his side.
“I don’t want to hurt her.”
“Then don’t. Have a little self-control and make the difficult choice once in a while. It might actually make your life easier in the long run.”
He believed he could go to Mariella and apologize for all his past mistakes. Hell, she probably didn’t even need that, but he’d do it anyway. Then they could talk about an actual future. But then the expectations would come, and mount, and sooner or later he’d let her down.
His stomach rolled over countless uncertainties and doubts. “We’ve never labeled it. She’s always been more of a…”
“Booty call?”
“No.” He glared at the idea of referring to his relationship with Mariella as anything so crass. “More like a side squeeze.”
Erin rolled her eyes. “Oh, that’s much better. God, men are so stupid. It’s the same thing!”
“No, it’s not.” But maybe it was. “Fine. We’re friends. Good friends. But we don’t do long distance.”
“Why not?”
“Too many complications. She’s too good for that. Eventually she’ll meet someone else and…” Maybe she’d already met him.
“You’re afraid she’d leave you for someone more available?”
Maybe that was it. Physically, they lived in different places, but he also wasn’t the most emotionally available guy. She deserved better. Eventually she’d realize that.
No one liked rejection, but after his mom walked out on them, he never wanted to feel anything like that again. He never wanted to disappoint Mariella to the point that she left him.
The twisted irony was that he’d been the one to leave her. It didn’t take a genius to realize part of his motivation came from the fear that she’d eventually abandon him.
“She deserves someone incredible.”
“Oh my God.” Erin sat up. “You do love her.”
His brows drew together. “No.”
“Yes, you do. You love her, Harrison. Oh my God, I had no idea it was anything this serious!”
“Erin, stop.” He glanced at the door, paranoid Giovanni might overhear. “What I have with Mariella is just—”
“What you have…” She laughed. “What you have is love. You’re totally in love with her.”
“Will you lower your voice!” he hissed. “We never even dated.”
“Exactly! You want her but you won’t let yourself have her, because you only want her to have the best. That’s the classic struggle. You know, the whole if you love something, truly love it, then you let it go? You love her so much you’re worried you’re not good enough for her, but you are. We just have to smooth out a few of your dings and dents.”
