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This was the most obscene meal I’d ever eaten. I don’t know how we got to the end of it without tearing each other’s clothes off. Somehow, we lasted until the carcass was the only thing left. Then Ryon pounced on me, pinning me to the hard floor. The power of his movements took my breath away. He had the reflexes of a lion. A hunter. Predator. And I was his prey. My body softened for reasons I didn’t understand.
Instead of pushing him off me or fighting him or even trying to talk my way out of this, I just... submitted. Gazed up at him with placid, doe eyes, and waited to know what he planned to do with me.
He held my gaze for a few seconds. It seemed like forever. My chest rose and fell. The only sound I could hear was my heavy breathing. He seemed to be silently wrestling with some decision.
My body made it for him. The throbbing in my clit was now a tingling ache of starvation. I hungered for something I’d never known before. Maybe I’d never been clean long enough to know that I craved something other than drugs.
Liquid poured out of my opening. I didn’t know what it was. That had never happened, before. All I understood was that I would die of need if he didn’t do something, instead of having his crisis of conscience or whatever it was.
“Fuck me,” I told him.
His eyes widened and he let out a strangled growl. I didn’t know why I was so drawn to him when we’d barely spoken two words to each other, or why my skin itched like it was electrified when I smelled him, but I needed him.
“If I do, there’s no going back,” he warned me. “I end people’s lives.”
“Do you hurt wains?” I asked him. If he had ever harmed a child, I wouldn’t want to go near him. I didn’t have many boundaries, but that one was unbreakable, for me.
“Never. Only adults who got themselves into this life. People who have gone far in this world.” He paused. “But don’t think I’m a good guy. I’m not. Even the gang bosses fear me, around these parts.”
“You’re not abadguy, either. You’re better than this life.”
“Whatever my reasons, I still kill people on a daily basis.” He was givingnothingaway. Maybe he didn’t trust me. He probably shouldn’t.
“Bad people.” I didn’t know why he was so down on himself about this. I’d met people who had killed, before. Usually, they didn’t even care about what they were doing or why.
“They’re still people.”
“And that’s what makes you a good person. You care.” How could I judge him? I wasn’t exactly an example of good morals. “I’ve made more bad choices than I’ve had hot baths. No lie—we had an immersion heater and my mum only put it on once a week.”
I realized as I finished the sentence he probably had no idea what I was talking about, and I didn’t know how to explain it.
“I open my eyes every day and know what I’ve done. Every job I’ve completed. Who I’m working for doesn’t change that.”
He pushed up off me. I keened in frustration. With a growl, he covered my mouth with his hand.
“Don’t make that noise. If someone outside the apartment hears, they’ll identify you immediately.” His voice was more forceful, now, and I sensed he was getting some of his control back. As if it knew the moment had passed, my stomach growled.
Ryon stood up properly. He turned and walked out of the flat, leaving me lying on the floor wondering what the fuck just happened. The hot imprint of his hand over my mouth lingered long after the sound of the door slamming had stopped echoing in my ears.
***
Ryon
I ran out of the apartment and down the stairs. Had to get away from her as fast as possible. Couldn’t let this happen.
Fuck.
This arrangement wasn’t going to work. She was too hot. I didn’t have enough self-control. I couldn’t fuck her. She wasn’t mine. We both had a job to do. No time for distractions. Her mission was different to mine, but I knew they intersected, and there was a chance we could end up working side-by-side out there, in gangland. I had to get my shit under control. Even if no one recognized her scent, they’d know mine was that of an alpha in heat. And there was only one reason for an alpha to respond like that. They’d put two and two together and figure out that the newcomer wasn’t a beta, after all. And then they would kill her. And me. I didn’t care so much if they did me in. It was her I was worried about.
She was an angel. No innocence, but then again, how many angels had suffered in life before ascending? Beautiful, perfect creatures. Epsilon lore was full of tales about the time of angels, thousands of years ago.
And now one was here, with me. Not sweet. Not naive. Definitely not pure. The life she’d led had done everything it could to break her, and she was still here. Still striving.Thatwas the mark of a true angel.
Knotting with her would be an act of defilement. I couldn’t. Not when I had no idea where I’d be in a year’s time. Not when I couldn’t provide a safe or stable life for her young, if she bore them. Not when I could get her killed by association. If people knew she was mine, they might hurt her to get at me.
That wasn’t a risk I would take. Not for a fuck. She deserved an alpha who could claim her properly. Keep his promises to protect her. Shelter her from everything that had already hurt her so bad.
I wasn’t that guy. Couldn’t be him. I was broken and lost.
