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“It ain’t about that, ain’t about her. If you hadn’t done that and acted that day, Rox would’ve died at my old man’s hands.” He takes another swig from his glass of whiskey. “As brutal as it is, I know well that my mom’s days were always numbered. Skinner made sure of it.”
“Yeah, he did. I’m still sorry.”
“Did you know her?”
“I… only by word of mouth. Not personally.”
“Yeah, with the situation back then, that would’ve been more than a little messed.”
“Indeed. It’s not something any of us were proud of, just so you know.”
“We all make mistakes.”
He says it far too pointedly for it not to bear more weight than just a response to my statement.
“Is that what you think Cal is doing now with me? Making a mistake?”
“He’s let you in deep, gotten real close. I’m seeing it in the decisions he’s made since he reconnected with you.”
“And you think that’s detrimental to him? I would never hurt him, Ax.”
“It ain’t all down to you, is it? The work you do is gonna put him at risk all the goddamn time. He ain’t never gonna be safe if he puts himself right smack damn inside your orbit. You’ve always got somebody in your sights and vice versa. You’re always one small mistake away from being put to ground. Just like the other two before you that he’s already lost. What’s it gonna do to him if things go that way for you? He ain’t gonna survive a third time. He’s already struggling as it is with all the trauma catching up to him.”
“He’s found a way to deal with the trauma. It’s not exactly… conventional, but it works for him.”
“Numbing it and pretending it didn’t happen ain’t dealing.”
“He’s leaning into it.”
He cocks an eyebrow. “How’s that?”
“This situation with Matthew Priest has had him realizing that burying that part of himself isn’t working for him. He’s stopped denying who he is, stopped denying that he needs to embrace who he was, the dealer of death and punishment, the man he used to be before he went to ground. Now, though, he can channel that into this threat and the contract work he does.”
Ax thinks on it for a moment. “That’s… a fucked-up way to go.”
“But it’s working for him. And, it’s who he is, who he’s always been. Denying that for these last few years has cost him a lot.”
“If he pulls that in your world, he’ll end up dead.”
“That won’t be an issue.”
“Why?”
“I’ve been considering walking away from Kingmaker.”
“Retiring?”
“Not full retirement. Just from Kingmaker.”
“What would you do instead?”
“Maybe join forces with Cal and Sin. I haven’t run this by them yet.”
“Then why you telling me?”
“Because you need the reassurance that I won’t be bringing Cal into my world. With his contract work, he can help people and stay on the proverbial good side of things, while also exorcising his demons. It’s also more controlled than my line of work, because there aren’t rogue elements always gunning for him and coming out of the woodwork for a taste of the power that the Kingmaker moniker brings with it.”
“And you’re fine walking away from that power, from something you’ve spent decades building?”
