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WINTER
I’m lostin my head as a million different thoughts flit through my mind. Now that we’re returning to Ravenwood, the reality of real life comes crashing down on me with full force. I have so many things I need to get done.
I need to focus on all the aspects of the business I’ve neglected due to the shitshow of events that have been happening in my personal life. Maybe I’m not cut out for this job at all. I’ve been nothing but a failure at it since I started.
I honestly have no clue what I’m going to do now that we’re almost back. I’m pretty sure nothing has changed, especially when it comes to the people in Ravenwood. I’m probably still the most hated and judged person there, but it’s not like I can stop that.
I’m mentally and emotionally drained and I need to make some changes before it fucks with my health more. I can’t afford to have any more panic attacks or seizures. I’m already walking on that thin line between life and death.
I’m still contemplating my life and all the responsibilities on my shoulders when the pilot announces we’ve started our descent. I made it a point to not talk to anyone after Mason and I came out of the bedroom and surprisingly, no one has tried to talk to me either.
Once we’ve landed, I stand back and let everyone get off the plane before me so I can continue to avoid them. I keep my head down, no point in rocking the boat further right now. All my friends probably hate me now too. I can’t even blame them, seeing as my actions of late have been erratic and too much for even myself to deal with.
They’re all talking among themselves, and I sneak a glance up. I look at them and it’s like I’m a million miles away even though they’re just a few feet away from me. I no longer feel connected to any of them and that feeling is like a big blow to my already fragile emotions.
The fight I had with Riley earlier just proves how different things have become. I haven’t even been able to look at her since said fight and I feel like a coward. But I’m too vulnerable to deal with that shitshow at this moment. What the hell would I even say to her?
“Sorry” seems too weak and not good enough for all the pain I’ve caused and am probably still causing them. I now realize I was too focused on my pain and problems to see how my actions were affecting my friends. I decide to do the only thing I’m good at, which is avoid the situation until I’m ready to deal with it.
I don’t think people understand that when you’re suffering from depression or even suicidal thoughts, you don’t see anything other than your own pain. You forget you have people around you who are willing to be your support system because you think you and your problems will be nothing but a burden to them.
It leaves you in a place where you feel all alone in the world and nothing anyone does or says will help you get better. You don’t even think about how your actions hurt the ones around you because all you want is for that feeling of immense pain to go away.
Some might say it’s selfish but what if that’s the only way you know how to cope? I never wanted to be selfish like that. But after that fight, I can see just how selfish I was. But how do you focus on other people’s feelings when you can’t even focus and control your own?
I take in a deep breath as everyone is now off the plane. I make my way out as well. I trudge down the steps of the plane and step onto the tarmac, walking at a snail’s pace behind everyone. I look up to see there’s a limo here for us and that causes me to stop abruptly. I have no clue where I’m going to go to be honest.
The King’s mansion is literally the last place I want to be right now. I hate their house as much as I now hate my childhood home after what happened the last time I was there. It seems as though no matter where I go, trouble follows me. At this rate, I’ll end up hating the entire world if I keep going from place to place.
I don’t want to stay with any of the girls either. I’m making an effort to not be so selfish anymore, which means I don’t want to burden them with all the drama that keeps surrounding me. I’m still having this internal debate in my head when I hear him speak. I look up startled and realize that everyone has stopped and is now looking at me. Great! Just what I needed, more scrutiny.
“Why the hell are you just standing there, Winter?” Mason asks with irritation in his voice. Guess whatever it was that happened on that plane is over now, because he’s back to being his regular asshole self.
“Ummm… you guys should go ahead, and I’ll make my way to the house on my own,” I murmur, hoping they’ll just leave it be and go away. The most obvious thing going through my head is that I need to get my own place and stay as far away from the King mansion because it’s hazardous to my health.
Plus, I need some time away from asshole King One and Two over there, and now seems as good a time as any. But as usual, when the hell does Mason fucking King ever do as I hope? Simple answer—never!
“And just where do you think you’re going to go?” he asks with a raised eyebrow, as if to say he’s just humoring me right now. I hate that look because it just makes him look like a real fucking asshole.
“Well, if you must know…” I say and leave it hanging because I don’t know where I’m going with this. Didn’t think he’d care one way or the other. I thought they’d be happy to get rid of me so I wouldn’t bother them anymore.
“Yes, I must,” he replies and I’m really just itching to slap that stupid smirk off his arrogant face, but alas, I won’t resort to violence because of the douchebag.
“Work?” I say and hate that it comes out as more of a question. He definitely notices, the ass.
“Seems as though you’re asking me instead of telling me.”
“I’m telling you, dickhead!” I huff out.
“It’s Sunday afternoon. No one is going to be there. Try again,” he says in a smug tone.
“Well, I’m going to go see my boyfriend Antonio,” I say after a minute, and then realize what a big mistake that was. When I look up at him again, he has a murderous expression on his face. Not wanting to deal with that I back away slowly. “So, umm, I’m just going to go…” I point at some random direction behind me.
“You’re seriously going to go see another man when you still have my fucking cum inside your pussy?” he asks incredulously. “When the hell are you going to stop being such a goddamn whore?” He yells this time and I feel my face go up in flames at his words, but I’m also pissed off at the audacity of this man.
“When the hell are you going to stop being an asshole?” I snap at him.
“When you stop being a slut!” he snaps. “Just get in the fucking car, Winter!” he finishes with a finger on the bridge of his nose.
