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Without thinking, I turn back around and slam my lips down on Grayson’s. He hesitates for a second before he’s kissing me back with an intensity I didn’t know he had. This kiss is totally different from the one he gave me last night.
A second later, I’m being pulled off his lap and ripped away from him. I’m spun around as a hand wraps around my throat, forcing me to look up into stormy green eyes.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he snaps at me.
“Living life,” I say airily.
“I told you to keep your ass away from my brother!” he bellows.
“Like I give a fuck about what you have to say anymore!” I snap right back at him. “He clearly wants it, so why the fuck do we need to listen to you? You’re not the god around here!”
“I’m going to tan your little ass if you don’t stop your shit! I realize what I said earlier was fucked up and I’m sorry. But don’t fucking forget who you belong to!” he growls.
“Newsflash, asshole! You’ve made it clear that I’m nothing to you. So really, I don’t belong to anyone. I’m a free motherfucking agent,” I tell him, giving him a smirk that I know will piss his ass off. Let him suck on that lemon.
And just because he’s pissed me off with his asinine attitude, I decide to fuck with him a little. Before he has a chance to say anything else, I slightly turn around, grab my cereal bowl from off the table and dump it on his head. He’s shocked and just stands there, gaping at me for a second. I smile in his face.
“Don’t ever fucking tell me what to do again. You mean absolutely nothing to me, so I suggest you get used to the idea. You no longer exist in my world,” I snap before walking away and leaving them all with their mouths hanging open.
The last thing I hear before I’m out of the kitchen is Grayson bursting out laughing and saying, “That’s my girl,” and Mason growling at him to shut up.
I walk outinto the backyard where the pool is. Just walking this close to it is giving me anxiety. I stop a few feet away from it and look at the water and the gentle way it laps against the side.
The only thing my brain conjures up is the last time I was in the water, and I feel an involuntary shiver race across my skin. I can feel the coldness of the water, the way it felt like shards of ice piercing through my skin.
I didn’t even realize how scared I was until now. I must be suffering from PTSD or some shit. The only reason it didn’t bother me when I met Adley was probably because I was drunk off my ass. I haven’t been close to the water since then and now it’s just making me act irrationally. Reminding myself I’m fine and alive is the only thing keeping me from having a panic attack.
I pull myself out of my thoughts and move to sit on one of the loungers. I don’t want to think about how I almost died not once but twice this weekend. If I keep thinking about it, then I’ll never get past it and move on.
After this morning, I made a vow to myself to move on from everything and everyone who wishes me harm. I also have to move because this house and the people in it are no good for me. In truth, it never was.
I take in a deep breath as I lie back on the lounger and look up at the sky. I watch as the sun begins to set. It’s been a while since I’ve done something as simple as this and I realize I miss being the old me.
I miss the girl who didn’t have a care in the world, the one who loved and had time for the simple things in life.
I don’t know how long I sit there with my own thoughts but suddenly I hear voices coming my way. The lights out here turned on a while ago, so the area is lit. The door opens just as I hear the voices getting closer and the girls are stepping through an instant later.
“Hey, guys,” I say as they stop just a few feet away from me. I get up from my lounger and in an instant we’re all rushing toward each other to close the distance between us. “I’m so sorry for all the shit I said and did,” I say to them as tears roll down my cheeks. I didn’t realize how much I missed my friends until now.
“It’s fine. We get it. You were going through a lot,” Avery says, pulling me into a tighter hug.
“I’m sorry for fighting with you. But, man, next time, don’t hit me so hard!” I say, turning to Riley, trying to babble to her through my tears.
“I’ll try. But no promises if you act like a bitch next time!” she says sassily, and I burst out laughing.
“Fine, you have permission to kick my ass if I act crazy again,” I tell her, rolling my eyes.
We all move to the loungers and Riley puts on some music. We talk and laugh for a while, and it feels like old times. It doesn’t feel like we have an ocean between us any longer and I’m thankful for that for now. I don’t know how long that’ll last, since I’m still keeping a huge secret from them.
I don’t know if it was the music or what but a while later the guys all come out into the backyard interrupting us. I’m guessing they took our music as an invitation to come out here and we now have a mini party among ourselves.
They jump into the pool to cool down and once they’re out, they end up having a few drinks. From time to time I can feel the guys’ eyes on me, probably wondering if I’m fine or not but I ignore them for most of the night, not saying a word to them.
I especially feel Mason’s intense and burning gaze on me, but I ignore him too, acting like he doesn’t exist. I side-eye him a few times and can tell he’s pissed off and confused. He doesn’t know what to do with the indifference I’ve been showing him.
Well, tough luck for him because this is how it’s going to be from now on. He made his own bed, and it’s about time he lies in it.
