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WINTER
After the girlsleft last night, I went to bed feeling lighter than I have in days and much better than I’ve been in a while. I guess what they say is true—being around people who love you is always like a balm to the soul, and it heals you somewhat.
I don’t consider myself healed in any way because I have a lot of fucked-up trauma I still need to get through. I don’t see that happening anytime soon, unfortunately. Maybe I’ll start working on myself when I get rid of this stalker of mine.
The messages from yesterday proves that this is far from over and I don’t know what to think anymore. There isn’t anyone I can really rely on to help me through this, so I’ll just have to find a way to deal with this issue myself. Just thinking about it has a sigh escaping me.
On the bright side, I did wake up this morning feeling fresh and energized, ready to take on the world. Talking with the girls last night definitely made me feel lighter than I was earlier, though the weight of my secret still plagues me. Other than that, just hanging out with them helped me a little and contributed to this new feeling.
Don’t get me wrong, I still feel a ton of anxiety when it comes to facing the unknown, but I’m determined to not let my life pass me by anymore. I’ll just have to do everything to the best of my ability from now on. That’s all anyone can really do.
I’m going to have to stop obsessing about things that are out of my control and take things one day at a time, handling whatever bullshit comes my way as they come. Also, no more pining over a man that doesn’t want me and no more letting him make me feel like I’m worthless.
I’m worth everything and more and it’s about time I take my power back and fight him tooth and nail for the respect I deserve. He may not want me anymore and that’s fine, but I will not let him walk all over me.
With that new determination in mind, I suddenly feel invincible. I’ve got to say, that feeling is like an aphrodisiac and I’m ready to see where this new attitude will take me. I’ve been at rock bottom for a while emotionally and mentally so the only way to go now is up, and I’m determined to get to the top of my game once again.
I get out of bed and take a shower before getting dressed for the office. That’s where I plan to spend the day, and then maybe tomorrow, I’ll go to Ravenwood U and see about my classes since it’s been a while since I’ve been there too.
The only reason no one has called me to suspend or expel me is because of my money. My company donates a lot of money to their fundraisers so they obviously wouldn’t want to lose that.
Once I’m done showering and drying my skin, I walk into my walk-in closet and grab a matching lace bra and panty set before looking at the row of business clothes.
I finally decide on a dark green scoop-neck inverted-pleat at the waist body con dress that ends directly at my knees. Next, I walk back into the bathroom and do my makeup. I do a simple natural makeup look with winged eyeliner. It looks perfect if I do say so myself. I then finish off with my foundation and then my signature bold red lips. I rarely wear makeup but at work I love to use it.
It makes me feel like I’m hiding sometimes but it works for me. Behind the bold lips and makeup, I feel powerful. Plus, it helps that it makes me look more mature, so people will take me more seriously.
Once that’s done, I spray some of my Chanel Tendre perfume behind my ear and on my wrists. It smells so good and is my all-time favorite. I walk back into my closet and grab a pair of my black Louboutin red-bottom pumps and my handbag before walking out and into my room again. I grab my phone and throw it into my bag before walking out of my room and closing the door behind me, heading down the stairs.
I walk straight into the kitchen and see my mother there already. Ugh, not who I wanted to see first thing in the day but it’s whatever.
“What would you like to eat, Miss?” the same maid from yesterday asks.
“Muffin, some eggs and a side of fruit with some orange juice please,” I tell her, and she goes about making what I asked for while I just sit there at the table and wait.
“Should you really be eating that much?” my mother asks when she realizes that I’m just going to ignore her.
“What’s it to you? It isn’t going into your body. Is that the best you can come up with? Let me assure you, your fat jokes don’t mean much to me. So, if you want to continue insulting me, at least come up with something of substance,” I say with a sweet smile, and she looks like she wants to slap me across the face.
“You’re such a fucking bitch, you know that?” she snaps.
“I guess it’s a trait I took after you,” I murmur.
“Where are you going this early, you stupid cunt? Are you going to whore yourself out this early?” she asks in a snappy tone.
“Not that it’s any of your business, but some of us have to work unlike others who live freely off people’s money,” I say with a smirk.
“Why you little—” she starts but gets cut off before she can complete her sentence, which was no doubt either slut or whore.
“Chill, Emilia! It’s too early for your shit,” Grayson snaps at her as he comes waltzing into the kitchen with his naked chest on display.
I stare at him just as my food is placed in front of me. A second later, Mason enters the kitchen as well. The only difference is that his chest is covered in tattoos. I pull my gaze away from him as fast as it landed there. I don’t want to look at him.
“Don’t talk to me like that! You better start showing me some respect,” she snaps at Grayson.
“Respect is earned, and you haven’t done anything to earn it yet. You’re just my dad’s new whore. I don’t have to show any kind of respect to you, and I’d never give my respect to someone who treats their daughter like shit!” Gray spits at her. I’m sitting there gaping at him as his words penetrate my brain. Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone defend me against my mother before and I don’t know what to say right now.
“How I talk to my daughter is none of your business,” she snaps back at him. “That little bitch is the source of all my misery!”
